A Ballad of Snakes and Shadows // A Dark Sebastian Sallow Romance

Chapter Forty Two: Sins

 I stared into the cauldron, turning my spoon around and around in it for more than it needed. My neck was sore from the way I had clawed at the collar, and from the many places I'd had to heal myself when I tried to cut the material off with a blade.

The damn thing still would not budge.

With it still wrapped firmly around my neck, I felt... lost. Like I was being constantly reminded that the man who 'owned me' was off with some other woman. That he was content to find me to be a child compared to his "big boy" life.

Another stir and I heard the liquid begin to crackle.

"Okaaaay, I think that's enough of that." Ruth immediately grabbed my hand, pulling it and the spoon out of the cauldron. I barely turned my eyes to look at her, still so lost in my own sorrow that it made every effort that much harder.

When I turned my head to look at her, I wasn't sure what kind of expression I gave her. But she gave me a patient smile all the same.

"It'll sour if you over stir it, you know? And you and I both need to pass today."

I gave her a short nod, watching as she doted over the mixture. I didn't understand what the point was, to any of this.

I felt dull, numb.

All of that flame he saw snuffed out so easily under the foot of humiliation and dejection.

Betrothed.

Childish.

You'll never change, will you?

I clenched my fist as Ruth sprinkled something else into the pot, before letting me stir it once more. I tried to be gentler, as I did so in a counterclockwise motion.

Sebastian had something more important, something more adult as he said. All of that came before my feelings, and what I wanted from him.

I was a fucking idiot for believing otherwise - a fool to forget the vendetta he'd shown up with since the beginning.

A fool for letting my guard down again.

"What's wrong with you today?" She asked me, taking a step closer so that we didn't have to raise our voices. There were only a few other students in class today, whether that was due to Black and his inquisition crusade, or because they just didn't care to be here.

Everything had changed that day the Court had shown up and made their presence known.

It was evident by the way it was no longer Sharpe teaching this class, but a substitute I did not recognize. He and Hecate had been the first to go 'on leave' and it didn't surprise me.

I only hoped that they did not meet the same ill fate as their colleague had.

There was little to do about any of it, though. Too many eyes of the Court watching every move, even intercepting owls so that no word could be sent out.

They'd even forbidden apparition and had set boundary lines around the school. They'd been so thorough that even I would have a hard time getting out of the castle.

Not that I wanted to, not with Sebastian lurking around out there.

If it kept me from seeing his stupid face, I would finally stay right where he'd wanted me all along. In the castle, like a good little student.

"The boy I told you about." I said quietly with another go of the spoon.

"Ah, how did that go?" She asked softly. I bit my lip, wanting more than anything to cry and tell her the full extent of what troubled me. I wanted to fling myself on her and seek solace in someone else that wasn't myself. It was so exhausting, soothing my own grief and anger.