Y/n Diaz, the new rookie

im sorry i didn't tell you.

⚠️TW: mentions of self-harm, self-harm, mentions of eating disorders, talk of suicide⚠️

*in the shop*

A: "did you end up eating?"
Y: "uh no i'll get something at lunch i'll be fine."
A: "are you sure? we can stop and get something."
Y: "Angela i'll be fine."
*she looks at you with confusion and looks back to the road. it's now 12:03pm and you go get lunch, you don't want to eat but Angela is keeping an eye on you so you have to. you order your small wrap and Angela's burrito and go give her her food*
A: "thanks, you know you don't have to keep buying me food, right?"
Y: "yeah i know but i'm nice." you roll your eyes
A: "okay go eat"
*you walk away and go eat with Jackson and Lucy*
L: "god i feel like i haven't eaten lunch with you in so long"
Y: "literally."
J: "so how are you doing? be honest."
Y: "i'm doing okay. me eating isn't too bad but i can't keep a lot of food down."
L: "you're doing good Y/n." she smiles
Y: "thanks for helping me guys." you smile back
A: "Diaz! let's go we got a call!!"
Y: "ugh gotta go i'll see you guys later!"
*you walk over to the shop and get in and Angela's starts driving to the location of the call*
Y: "what's the call about?"
A: "a possible suicide"
Y: "oh."
A: "you okay?"
Y: "yeah."
*you arrive at the scene and see an ambulance sitting outside*
A: "let's go."
A: "LAPD OPEN THE DOOR!"
Y: "no answer should we go in?"
A: "let's go."
* you go in the house and see a woman with a knife in her hand about to slit her wrist open. she already has one wrist slit open. you start to get flashbacks from last night and start to breath heavily*
A: "you okay?"
Y: "y-yeah fine."
Y: "ma'am can you put the knife down for me?"
Lady: "DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"
A: "we're just trying to help can you please put it down?"
Lady: "no i can't do this anymore.."
Y: "hey, hey look at me. your gonna be okay, life will get better and you'll have a good life. but if you do this you won't have the rest of your life to better."
Lady: "how do you know life will get better..?"
Y: "i've been in your position. wanting to die, not thinking anyone loves you. it's a hard time and you just want to leave and never come back. but hey, my life got better and i can tell you now that yours will too."
Lady: "okay.. i- i'll stop."
Y: "alright come here."
A: "we're going to go to the paramedics and they're going to take you to the hospital and get you better."
Lady: "okay.. thank you."
Y: "of course. it's my job"
*you get the girl to the paramedics and they take her to the hospital.*
A: "did you really.. mean all of that?"
Y: "yeah.."
A: "wow. i- uh that's a lot to take in."
Y: "yeah.."
A: "you were breathing pretty heavily when you saw her. what's going on?"
Y: "i- i had flashbacks f-from last night." you start to tear up
A: "last night?"
Y: "shit" you mumble
A: "what was last night?"
Y: ...
A: "Y/n? tell me please. you're worrying me."
Y: "um- so last night when i said i fell asleep.. i uh- i passed out because i- i went too um- too d-deep and was losing a lot of blood and um before that i um- i purged and um yeah.."
A: "come here.." she starts to tear up
Y: "i-i'm sorry i didn't tell you when you came over.."
A: "don't be sorry. i'm just upset you didn't tell me because, y/n i'm worried about you. like- really worried.."
Y: "i-i'm- i'm sorry.."
*you stay hugging her for a few minutes before you decide to go back to the station to show Angela what happened.*

*back at the station*
A: "come with me."
Y: "o-okay.."
*you get to the locker room and make sure no one is in there*
A: "nobody is in here now let me see please."
Y: ...
A: "come on Y/n/n.. please you know i'm worried about you."
Y: "okay um don't act like it's all okay when you see this because it- it's pretty bad.."
A: "i won't. can i please see them?"
*you show her and she starts to tear up and hugs you*
Y: "i-i'm sorry Ang.."
A: "like i said don't be sorry Y/n. it's not your fault you're going through this."
Y: "it-it's just my only coping mechanism, like i don't know what else to do except making myself throw up and- you know.."
A: "you're gonna get through this. i can help you every step of the way, even if it means you have to stop being a cop, i will still be there for you."
Y: "i-i can't not be a cop. i love b-being a cop, it's the best decision i've ever made."
A: "i know but if it come to the point where you have to-"
Y: "NO! IM NOT GOING TO QUIT MY JOB!"
A: ...
Y: "i fucking love being a cop. it's my life at this point, even if it's only my first week or two on the job? i don't give a fuck. i will make this job my damn life Angela. so screw my mental health and screw everything else in my damn life!"
A: "Y/n- please"
Y: "no just leave me the fuck alone."
*you walk out of the station and drive home*
"god why am i so stupid!"

*flashback to high school*

"you're so stupid. just kill yourself already. no one wants you here."
"hey piggy go slit your wrists again."
"emo!"
"fattie you probably are the whole cafeteria today!"
"go deeper!"

*end of flashback*

you start to cry remembering everyone saying those disgusting things to you and run to the toilet and throw up. you want to self-harm right now and grab your blade from your vanity and slide down your door whilst crying with the blade already going into your wrist. you watched as your crimson red blood fell down your wrist and onto the floor before making more cuts.
1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4 cuts
5 cuts
6 cuts
you lost count after 6 but kept going because you needed to feel pain. you ran out of room on your wrists before moving to your thighs.
1 cut
2 cuts
3 cuts
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 cuts
you lost count again but moved onto your left thigh and cut more.
1 cut
2 cuts
3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 cuts
you decided to stop so you wouldn't pass out as you were already feeling dizzy.
"mmm w-why can't i feel anything?! god what the fuck is wrong with me. i look s-so stupid and fat and u-ugly. you read the time on your phone and it's already 7:26pm 2 hours after your shift. Angela has already texted you. great.

Angela ❤️

-I'm sorry.
5:47pm
-Y/n. please i'm sorry, i didn't mean to be a bitch.
5:59pm
-come on don't do this again. if you say you were sleeping i'm not fucking falling for it again.
6:17pm
*Missed call from Angela ❤️*
6:23pm
*Missed call from Angela ❤️*
6:36pm
-come on Y/n/n.. i'm seriously sorry..
6:45pm

Can you just fuck off. -
6:47pm

-Y/n you know i can't. i know what you did and why you weren't answering me.
6:49pm
seen

word count 1307