Y/n Diaz, the new rookie

i never loved you

⚠️TW: eating disorder, self-harm⚠️

you wake up to your alarm blaring through your ears.
Y: "oh my god shut upppp"
L: "i wasn't even talking" she laughs
you turn off your alarm and get out of bed and go shower. you turn on your shower and just stare at yourself in the mirror. you ignore your stomach but move to your wrists which you had cut the night before. you finish your shower and change into black jeans and a red long sleeve crop top.
L: "hey can we stop by starbucks before work?"
Y: "yeah of course."
you drive to starbucks and get a small coffee, you and Lucy get to the station and go to the change room. when you're done changing you both walk to roll call. Grey explains the day.
G: "Lopez, Diaz, could you stay behind a minute?"
you both nod. everyone leaves and you go up to the front of the room.
G: "will you two be okay to work together?"
A: "we'll be fine sir."
Y: "perfectly fine.." you say sarcastically
G: "alright you can go."
you walk out of the room
A: "go get the war bags Diaz."
you walk away to get the war bags and almost drop them because your wrists hurt
T: "woah you okay?"
Y: "fine." you lie and walk away and put the war bags in the shop. you get in the passenger side and Angela drives out of the garage.
A: "talk to me."
you just stare out the window and ignore her
A: "seriously Diaz! talk to me, i'm not asking."
Y: "oh my fucking god! what do you want me to say!?"
A: "i just want to know how you're doing."
Y: "i'm perfectly fine! you don't have to stalk me everywhere i go!"
A: "what?"
Y: "you were literally staring at me when i was at dinner last night!"
A: "i wasn't stalking you.. i was going on a date with Wesley when we saw you."
you stare out the window and ignore her once again. a few hours later it's now lunch and you go back to the station.
L: "come with me. now"
you follow her to a private spot
Y: "what's wrong?"
L: "i seriously think Tim is cutting himself.."
Y: "what."
L: "i don't know. when we were in the shop i saw two cuts on his wrist. remember last time we saw one? now there's two."
Y: "i'll be back."
you go to the break room and grab Tim by the hand and drag him out.
T: "w-where are we going?"
Y: "right here." you end up down the hall
T: "what's going on?"
Y: "this!" you hold up his wrist and see his cuts
T: "what about it..?" he lies
Y: "i'm not fucking stupid Tim."
T: "fine."
Y: "why? did i do this? did i make you do this?"
T: "i- no, no you didn't." he lies
Y: "seriously. for fuck sakes." you drop his wrist and walk away
Y: "a word Lucy." you drag her by her hand

Angela's POV:
A: "what's with Diaz and dragging people today?"
T: "you shouldn't know."
A: "what's going on?"
T: "i-it's nothing."
A: "Timothy."
T: "Angela."
A: "i'm serious. what is it?"
T: "ask her yourself." he gets up and walks away just as Y/n and Lucy come back in the room.

Y/n's POV:
Lucy and I walk back in the room just as Tim's walking out. when we walk back in Angela is staring at me.
Y: "a word please."
you drag her by her hand as well
A: "okay what the hell is going on with you? and why are you dragging everyone?"
Y: "the dragging doesn't matter. but something's wrong with Tim."
A: "what's wrong with him?"
Y: "um. he's uh-" you get interrupted by Tim walking up behind Angela
Y: "never mind.." you walk away

Angela's POV:
i watch as Y/n walks away and i get confused until i turn around and see Tim standing right behind me.
A: "jesus christ Tim!"
T: "sorry.."
he sounds upset. he brings his arm up to scratch his head and that's when i see it. i see his cuts. i drag him by the hand to a hallway away from everyone
A: "what the fuck!" you hold up his wrist
T: "Ang it's nothing. Kojo just scratched me this morning." he lies
A: "Tim! stop lying! why did you do this?"
T: "i- because of Y/n.. i didn't want her to suffer alone. at first i only did one but last night.. i did a few more.."
i hug Tim because i feel bad but i'm also pissed at him for not telling me
A: "you really should've told me Tim."
T: "i know and i'm sorry i didn't."

Y/n's POV:
you're listening in on Tim and Angela's conversation and you start to get pissed off because Tim told you he didn't do this because of you. he lied right to your face. you get pissed off and walk away.
T: "Y/n wait!"
you keep walking until you reach a bathroom. you go in a stall and start cutting yourself. you stop when you realize you shouldn't be doing this, you put your blade back into your phone case and walk out of the bathroom with tear stains on your face
A: "Diaz."
Y: "what!" you say starting to cry again
A: "i- what's wrong?"
Y: "HE LIED TO ME!" you start walking away when Angela grabs you by the wrist and you wince in pain
A: "what do you mean?"
Y: "he fucking lied to me. he told me he didn't do it because of me. he's a fucking liar. i bet he never even loved me!"
A: "you- you were listening.."
Y: "no shit! he's a fucking liar."
A: "he wasn't going to tell you straight to your face Y/n."
Y: "really? because i would've."
A: "maybe you would've, but Tim's not you Y/n."
you start to walk away when Angela grabs your wrist again
Y: "screw off Angela!" you walk away to go find Lucy. you can't find her anywhere so you text her

Luce ❤️

hey where are you?-

-i'm in Greys office.

oh shit what happened?-

-nothing, i'll be out in a minute.

okay.-

*you put your phone back in your pocket and wait for Lucy to come out of Greys office*

L: "hey what's wrong?"
Y: "come w-with me." you say crying
she follows you down the hall
L: "what's going on?"
Y: "i- Tim lied to me.. he said he wasn't cutting himself because of me.. but i was listening to his and Angela's conversation and he told her 'i didn't want her to suffer alone' like who the fuck does that?! he probably didn't even love me."
L: "hey, hey calm down. i'll go talk to him. let's go to the break room and have something to eat. i'll talk to Tim."
you nod your head and follow her to the break room. you sit down and Lucy drags Tim out of the room.

Lucy's POV:
i drag Tim out of his seat and into the hall.
T: "this better be good Chen."
L: "you lied to her? seriously! you broke up with her then you lie right to her face!? my god Tim! she thinks you never loved her. she was listening to yours and Angela's conversation, she said that she heard you say 'i didn't want her to suffer alone' WHO SAYS THAT TIM!?"
T: "i- yeah that's what i said.."
L: "oh my god." i put my hand on my forehead
T: "what? it's not your problem."
L: "IT KINDA IS! you know she loved you right?"
T: "yeah. what about it?"
L: "holy shit. did you even love her?"
T: "i- yeah?" he lies
L: "you're lying. i can tell that you're nervous."
T: "fine. i didn't, okay!?"
L: "oh my god Tim. stay here." i walk away and drag Y/n out of her seat.

Y/n's POV:
Y: "Lucy where-" you see Tim standing in front of you
L: "tell her!"
Y: "tell me what..?"
T: "i never loved you. and yes i cut myself because of you."
you start to tear up and run to the bathroom. you go in a stall and puke up everything you just ate. you hear footsteps and Lucy appears behind you.
L: "i'm sorry Y/n. i needed him to tell you, it was for the best that he tell you instead of someone else like me."
Y: "not your fault.. it's his. oh my god what's not his fucking fault."
L: "i don't know.. let's get you cleaned up and get back to work."
Y: "yeah. wanna go out for drinks tonight?"
L: "yeah definitely. i need something to drink."
you laugh and wash your face. you and Lucy walk back to the break room
A: "ready to go?"
Y: "yeah.."
you and Angela walk back to your shop and get in. Angela drives away from the station and goes to a park nearby.
A: "why are you crying?"
Y: "Tim."
A: "what did he do this time."
Y: "told me he never loved me.."
A: "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Y: "yeah."
a few hours later it's the end of shift and you change into your clothes and head to the bar you told Lucy to meet you at.

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