Jin couldn't look at Jungkook the next morning, feeling too embarrassed for pushing him off of him so roughly. He's also a little disappointed in himself for not being able to go through with it. Despite the reassurance of Jungkook, he feels like a terrible partner for not being able to offer that kind of intimacy without freaking out. It's been a few days now but he still can't stop thinking about it.
"Jin! I need a caramel macchiato please!" Changbin breaks Jin from his dissociation as he's scrambling to keep up with the orders.
"Sorry," he replies quickly and gets right on to making the drink. He delivers the order to him with another apology and after they get through the mini rush, he leans against the counter with a big sigh.
"Are you ok? You don't seem like yourself today," Changbin asks, wiping off the mess on one of the countertops.
"To be honest, not really," he mutters.
"What's wrong?"
Jin debates whether he should tell him or not. Maybe he'll have some good advice to give him. He just won't get into all the details about why he's traumatized.
"Well, me and my boyfriend tried to have sex the other night but um... I didn't have a good experience the last time I did. I pushed him off of me before we really got into it and I feel really bad that I can't provide that for him."
"Was he that bad last time?" Changbin genuinely wonders.
"No! No. It wasn't with him. It was with a terrible person who I hate to even think about for a second."
"Oh," Changbin says. "First off, I'm sorry that happened to you and second, you're not a bad person for not being able to have sex. I know it's hard to believe but there are people out there who don't mind not having it in their relationships as often. Is he being a shitter because of it though?"
"No, he's been the best. He's assured me multiple times that he doesn't expect something I don't want to do from me. The thing is, I really want to but my past experience is making it hard for me to enjoy it."
"Mm I see," he hums. "Is it a certain position that is making it difficult or just in general?"
Jin blushes. "Can't do missionary or from the back."
"Well shit, have you tried being on top? You can't just limit yourself to just those ones. There are plenty of other positions that you could try."
Jin raises his eyebrows. He hasn't really given that much thought and he's wondering how the hell he didn't think of it before. He could give it a try and if it doesn't work, he could try something else. A little bit of trial and error. Maybe eventually, he'll be able to have sex in those positions again.
"Thanks Changbin. I'll think about it."
Once the weekend arrives, Jin decides to be brave and invites Jungkook to sleep over again. Ecstatic from being able to snuggle with him, Jungkook agrees and tells him he'll be over right after work. Meanwhile, Jin continues his research in sex positions, biting his nails as he feels a bit of anxiety bubble in his stomach. What if nothing works? Will he never be able to have sex again? What if Jungkook can't deal with it anymore? What if he leaves him?
Jin closes his eyes and takes deep breaths to calm himself down, breathing deep through his nose and blowing it out through his mouth. He does this a couple more times until he's able to get a grip of his anxiety. It'll be ok, they'll be ok. Jungkook loves him and he's shown that to him many a time. Everything will be ok.
YOU ARE READING
you're all i want || jinkook ✔️
Fanfiction"I was so used to getting whatever I wanted, whoever I wanted. And each thing, each person was easily disposable. But there's something about you that makes me want to have you next to me all the time. You're not like the others to me. You're... spe...
