Headphones // Merome

Chapter 51: I'd Lie

**Mat's POV**

Well, I survived so far. I've kept Brandon strong for about a month, and I've been relatively okay myself. Brandon's now always willing to go out with friends, talk to anyone, and is basically back to normal. But for me, everything's become harder and harder. Making him happy was a breeze, sure. But holding in the truth about my own feelings has been so hard, especially when he would spill his deepest thoughts to me. As much I would love to scream it to the world, I can't.

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"Hey, Noochems." Brandon smiled as I slid into his car. "Hi dood. What up?" I asked, and he shrugged. "Nothing much, you?" He answered. "Same. I'm absolutely starving though." I grinned, and he chuckled. "Good thing we're going to get dinner then, isn't it?" He said. "Yeah, thank God. I didn't have any food left in my house." I replied, and Brandon shook his head. "You know, you could just go by food." He rolled his eyes at me, but couldn't hide a smile. "I could." I simply shrugged, and he laughed.

I don't think the passenger seat has ever looked this good to me. He tells me about his night, and I count the colors in his eyes.

When Brandon and I finished dinner, we talked all the way back to the car and started the drive back home. "Yo, that waitress was totally checking you out, Brandon!" I teased, poking his ribs. "Yeah, no. Not for me." He said, and I shrugged. "I rate that though." I said mostly to myself. "Whatever man. Loves a tidal wave." He said, and I glanced, confused, at him. "Loves a tidal wave?" I repeated. "Yes." He answered. "Because it sweeps you off you feet?" I asked, not understanding what this had to do with anything. "Because it pulls you under and you drown." Brandon answered, and I laughed a little. "Way to be dark about it." I said. He shrugged. "Its true." He replied. I turned to face the window and stared out. "Sometimes though," I said, as i thought about his words. "It's the only thing that keeps us afloat."

He'll never fall in love he swears, as he runs his fingers through his hair. I'm laughing cause I hope he's wrong. And I don't think it ever crossed his mind, he tells a joke, and I fake a smile, that I know all his favorite songs.

"You coming or what?" Brandon asked as he stepped out of his car and onto his driveway. "Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming. Calm yourself." I said as I pulled myself out. We walked up the front porch steps and into his house, where he immediately led me to his room. I collapsed onto his bed, and he sat down at his desk and started checking something on his computer. "Hey Brandon?" I asked. "Whatcha need, Noochems?" He asked, spinning in his chair to face me. "Why do you have two hundred beanies?" I grinned as I saw the pile of them in the corner, and being a little over-dramatic with my numbers. "Mat, I have like, five." He said with a playful glare. "Five? There's like seventeen over there!" I pointed. "Plus there's one on your head." I noted, and I saw a faint blush on his cheeks. "Okay... maybe I have like... eight or nine..." He frowned, and I laughed. I jumped off his bed and went and sat in his lap. I took the green beanie off his head and put it on my own. "I think they're cute." I said, without thinking. "Cute?" He said with a shy smile, and his blush darkened. "I mean... Uh... Yeah." I said, and felt my face heat up too. "Thanks. They look cute on you too." He answered, and I blushed darker. "Thanks."

And I could tell you his favorite colors green, he loves to argue, born on the fourteenth. His sisters beautiful, he has his fathers eyes, and if you asked me if I loved him, I'd lie.

I didn't move off him. I just sat there, staring into his sparkling blue eyes. He stared back at me, but clearly just saw right through me. Couldn't he see how hard it was to just wrap my arms around him and never let him go? How hard it was not to kiss him and tell him I loved him?

Brandon adjusted a bit under me, and wound up moving my face closer to his. He kept his eyes on me, and I bit my lip to keep myself from doing anything. Brandon moved closer, but then he moved away, glancing to the far corner of the room. Goddamn it, I thought. Should've done it. I sighed and glanced away, wanting to disappear.