Without Him.

Chapter 31

So Nqoba basically begged me to invite his father over for dinner, he said I owed him that much. I can't help but to fear the fact of me losing him or him feeling like I failed for keeping his father away.

NQOBA: Come on ma ,open the gate.

NALEDI: Okay ,okay...
I said quickly fixing my hair. Zwide pulled in the yard and even before he knocked on the door Nqoba opened up.

NQOBA: Hi dad!

ZWIDE: Hi son.
Nqoba dragged him into the living room.

ZWIDE: Hi Naledi.
He said...the way he said my name gave me chills all over again.

NALEDI:Uhmm hi. Take a seat.
He sat down and Nqoba went to fetch his science project he'd been working on to show Zwide....

NALEDI: Do you want anything to drink maybe...?

ZWIDE:No.

NALEDI:Okay....
Well this is awkward.

ZWIDE: You look beautiful as ever.
Oh please no.

NALEDI: Thank you...

ZWIDE: Does he know he's royalty ?

NALEDI: No and I'd like to keep it that way for now.

NQOBA:Found it...
He said coming back,holding the project in his hands.

NQOBA: Soo this is a model of the human body.....
And he went on and on and on ,until he wore himself out and fell asleep on the couch. Zwide gently picked him up and took him to his room.

ZWIDE: I can't believe I just tucked in my son.

NALEDI: The same one you pushed around a couple of days ago.

ZWIDE: Oh come on Naledi, he needed to be disciplined.
He said grabbing our plates and putting them in the kitchen .

ZWIDE: Look ...
He said holding my hand but I quickly let go.

ZWIDE: I know I'm much ,much too late now but I'm truly sorry about what happened with Karabelo an Mpho. I really am.

NALEDI: It's fine. It happened like what,years ago.

ZWIDE: I kept thinking about you everyday Naledi.
His eyes piercing mine...I hate how much he has an effect on me even years later.

NALEDI: Okay Zwide you came here to see your son and he's sleeping right now so I think you should leave.
I said walking over to the door.

ZWIDE: Tell me you haven't missed me Naledi.

NALEDI: How could I? You failed to do right by me! You broke up our engagement Zwide ,while I was pregnant with Nqoba and you expect me to miss your ass?

ZWIDE: I didn't want to put you through my journey with Cancer Naledi...heck it was so much for me to handle imagine what it would have done to you!

NALEDI: I guess we'll never know now ,since you decided to be a coward. Zwide my siblings died and I needed you but you weren't there! I needed you.
He walked closer to me ,cornering me to the door.

ZWIDE: If I could take it all back I would Sthandwa Sam.

NALEDI:Don't call me that.
I hissed with and attempt to move away from him but he grabbed a hold of my arm.

NALEDI: Zwide please leave....please.

ZWIDE: Look at me.
He said lifting my chin to look at him. All those memories of us came flooding in...

ZWIDE: Naledi I never stopped loving you. Ever.
Neither have I but I have to put myself first...I just have to.

NALEDI: We need to set rules to our co parentimg. Rule number one,you don't touch me ...ever.

ZWIDE: That has nothing to do with us being parents...

NALEDI: Rule number two, you should always and I mean always be there when Nqoba needs you.

ZWIDE: Rule number three ,we try again.
He said running his thumb on my cheek.

ZWIDE: I say we pick up where we left off Naledi.

NALEDI: And I said you should leave my house but we all don't get what we want now do we

ZWIDE: For the sake of our son.

NALEDI: I can't...
He cut me off placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

ZWIDE: Think about it Sthandwa Sam.
He let go off my arm and left my house. Oh how much I've missed his lips on mine...

NQOBA: Ma.
He said, snapping me out of dreamland.

NALEDI: Nqoba ,why aren't you asleep yet? It's late baby.

NQOBA: Why do you hate dad so much? Huh? He's trying to fix things but you just don't want to.
This boy and eavesdropping!

NALEDI: It's not like that Nqoba and what did I tell you about listening to adult's conversation.

NQOBA: Please Ma. Give it a try and if it doesn't work out ,you'll leave it.

NALEDI: Nqoba you have to understand that your father hurt me so much in the past...

NQOBA: Exactly ma ,the past. I just want a relationship with my father .
He sat down on the couch and I followed suit.

NALEDI: But baby ,we've been doing so good without him, haven't we?

NQOBA: And we'll do even better with him. Think about it ma ,for my  sake.
He gave me a kiss on the forehead and went to his room.
Since when did Nqoba become so wise?
Maybe I should try again with the father of my child....maybe he has changed.

But one thing I know for sure hasn't changed, is my love for Zwide. He's the only man I've ever loved wholeheartedly. I'm nothing without him....I've just been neglecting my emotions towards our past relationship!...is this really me rethinking a past relationship at the age of 38? Yes,I'm doing this for my son...for him to continue growing up in a stable home and if all fails I'll be able to say ...'I told you so'.