The Life of Livana Garmadon

August 25th, 2023

Anxiety was hard to deal with. It was like a constant battle that you fight, every single second of your life. From the moment you open your eyes in the morning to the moment that you close them, it's always there, a constant shadow for you to fight. Sometimes those battles can get pretty freaking brutal, and you don't know where to turn. Or how to turn. But, that battle doesn't wait for you. You have to keep constantly battling it. It's hard, but it's not backing down.

I think my anxiety partly started because of my time at Darkly's Boarding School and my time in the streets. I don't talk about my time in the streets that often with anyone, because it brings back memories I plan to keep buried.

My time in the streets was just as bad as Mia's, if not worse. I'm not comparing who has the worst trauma in the room here, but if we ever had a competition like that, it would probably be me.

Mom doesn't know about this, because I don't want to worry her as much as I have now. I've come so far from being just an innocent little girl whose dreams were to go to a regular school and make friends. Now, I was a Ninja with the elemental control of darkness. I had probably grown an inch since last month, so now I was 5'4", I had a dragon, my anxiety really started to kick in, and I was constantly in dangerous situations that spiked my mother's worry. I tried my best not to worry her, even though sometimes that was impossible, so I needed to keep secrets. I don't want to be a burden dragging everyone down. I could handle myself. They were my secrets and mine to bear. They're mine for a reason.

At Darkly's Boarding School, I had no secrets. I was raised there since I was 3 years old, and the teachers already knew everything about me from height to my favorite thing to do in the day. There was nothing that I could hide from them. In fact, even if one of my behavior patterns was "off" just for a second, they would immediately get suspicious of me.

I had enough of Darkly's Boarding School when I was around the age of 10, and I ran out of there in the middle of the night, not daring to look back or to alert the teachers. I reached Ninjago City, where everyone else was, but I didn't know where to go. I didn't know where my mother was, where my brother was, where my uncle was, and I certainly didn't know where my dad was. After being left at the school, I had no idea where my father could be. For all I know, based on what I heard, my father could still be in the underworld with skeletons.

So I resorted to the streets. At night, I slept with my school jacket over my shoulders to keep me warm. That was never enough, so I always ended up shivering under the covers, trying to clench my jaw so my teeth wouldn't chatter.

When I woke up the morning after I escaped from Darkly's, I had roamed the streets, hoping to find somewhere forgiving to stay. My leather shoes had snapped, so I took them off and walked barefoot. I kept on walking through the alley, until I finally found a small corner by a store, where I sat down.

A young boy had scooted up next to me when I buried my face in my knees, curling up into a small ball and wishing to disappear. He had poked my shoulder and asked me where I came from. I didn't answer, fearing that he would use me, but he seemed actually kind. He introduced himself as Jacob, and he had offered to guide me in the streets. Being totally desperate and isolated, I nodded my hand and told him I would.

In the present day now, I closed my eyes, my fists clenched loosely. I never should have followed Jacob. Maybe if I didn't... I wouldn't miss him so much now.

-:-:-:-:-

I peered at this new boy that I had met on the streets. He had dusty blonde hair, dark blue eyes, a tattered shirt, shorts, and no shoes on. But he was smiling brightly at me, and that made me feel very at ease. I looked over at Jacob and then said, "So... why did you decide to talk to me? It's dangerous out on the streets. And you never know."