Off Track (Ransom Drysdale AU) 18+

26

Ransom

One Month Later

In the last month that Sutton has been here, I've been dragged to therapy every week. She'll sit outside and wait and then it's her turn straight after. It's been weird but comforting in some ways to come downstairs and know she's still there. 

"Ransom?" The therapist now pulls me out of my thoughts. 

"Yeah?" 

"I was asking about Sutton, what your friendship with her is like?" 

I find myself quick to correct her. "She's not a friend", then pause. "I mean...we're not together, but we are...it's complicated. We had to do this fake dating bullshit to kinda clean up my image, and we got close". 

"How close?" 

"Well we fucked a lot if you wanna get technical. It became physical just because we wanted something to come from it". 

I had her coming a lot. 

"I see, and what's it like now that you're out of the public eye?"

"Still complicated...I just, I can't get past the fact that I'm stealing my friend's girl away from him. She's meant to be his". 

She jots down more things. "Ok...and is there any particular reason why you feel that way still. You said yourself to me last week that he's dead and gone. So try and think about what's emotionally tying you to that mindset. Why would you still class it as stealing Sutton from Ari?" 

I glance out of the window and am silent. I swore to him that I wouldn't tell, and now it's like I'm going to be breaking a promise. But I guess I need to if I want something serious with Sutton. "Probably because I'm still honoring a promise I made him". I say, the scene of that particular day in question playing in my mind. 

He was so fucking happy. 

"And what promise would that be?" 

I look down into my lap. "He was going to ask Sutton to marry him, he told me not to tell and I promised, but he also asked me to keep the ring safe as he knew his stupid ass would lose it or something before the season was over. So I did. I kept it safe..."

I still have it for him, I've upheld my end of the bargain in some ways. 

"But I can't tell Sutton. She'd only get upset and not because I didn't tell her, but because I never gave her the ring when I know I should've done. But I couldn't, because once again I thought she'd get upset - and I already thought she blamed me for what happened. So I still have it". 

It's funny how I was so against this, and now my mouth is just running away with me. 

The therapist nods. "I think you know that you need to tell her. From talking to her myself and knowing what I know about you both - I'd say that she'd be grateful to you for keeping something so precious to Ari, safe. And for her. She'll be upset about it, and you know that - but it won't be for the reasons that you think it will be for". She looks at me seriously. "Perhaps this is what you need to do to sever that emotional tie. It will give you both closure and the opportunity to move forward".

"But what if she hates me?" 

"If she hated you, then she wouldn't helping you. You know that you will need to talk to her about all this, you need to hear it from her as to whether she blames you for what happened or not. If you want things to move on with you both, then you need to be open with one another - and I know for you that may be hard considering this has been weighing on you since Ari died - but I think it's time to close the door. He's no longer here, but I'm sure that he'd thank you for helping her". 

I shake my head. "I don't think I'm helping her. I've never been much use to anyone - even my own family". 

"Well that's another subject I want to tackle once we've got through what we need to concerning Ari. You may find once things with Sutton are out in the open, that you'll be able to handle your emotions better. No more attacking the media and such if you are to return to F1". 

"Can't imagine that happening at the moment". I admit. "The team's lost faith in me like I have myself". 

"But you're restoring it just by being here and telling me all this. I think that your problem is that you've never had your family believe in you, so you don't think that others do either, which makes you want to prove them wrong, but also you have a self doubt about it as well. We can work on these things as the weeks go on, but let's just focus on what we've talked about today, yes?" 

I nod. "Yeah. Ok". 

"When we meet next week then you can tell me how things went". 

"For your sake Doc? I hope that it's ok, because otherwise it's gonna be a hell of a long session". 

She chuckles at this. "Then you let me worry about that. Right now you are putting yourself first as well as Sutton. "You may believe you have no F1 team, but you have one in her". 

I smile to myself. "Yeah...guess I do". 

Sutton has a session scheduled for next week rather than after mine today, so she's waiting for me as I walk out. "You alright?" She asks like she usually does after each session. Sometimes I can be a little hard to read so she tells me. That's just me though. 

"Yeah...er, when we get back - we need to talk about something..." 

No going back now. If I want her then I have to do this. If I want to get back on the team then I need to get past this. 

"Ok? What about?" She frowns and then looks at little surprised at what I respond with. 

"Ari".