Off Track (Ransom Drysdale AU) 18+

27

Sutton

The journey back to Ransom's is a silent one, so much that I can feel myself becoming anxious. Something that's been said has changed his mind.

He wants to talk about Ari. He's never talked about Ari. It sets off his anger and yet this seems to be progress. Progress that I never thought I'd get.

His hands grip the wheel and o wonder whether he's struggling to contain whatever he feels. "Should I drive?" I ask.

"No". Is all he says, eyes still on the road. It's like he has some kind of mission that he needs to complete. He's ten times better than he was a month ago. I haven't seen him touch any beer, I've got him back eating properly in a plan Sammy sent over (although I don't tell Ransom that).

Am I making progress too?

I am.

I go for a run every morning, make sure that the Drysdale is fed and watered, and ultimately keeping himself alive. I've started taking pictures again...

I haven't taken a single one since Miami.

Fucking Miami. It always holds such shit memories. Maybe once I'm back at work (if ever) then I'll ask dad if I can skip that race.

Don't pussy out. If Ransom can't get a free pass for it then you can't either.

Stealing another glance at Ransom, he's tense. He's avoided any talk about Ari for so long that I wondered whether he was beyond help. He's a lone wolf enough as it is, but shutting himself away from the rest of the world when he's been in the public eye for so long has had the press asking all sorts of questions. We've given some bullshit excuse that for health reasons, he's needed to take a break - but I know that everyone can tell it's a lie. What else can we say though? 'Oh he's fucked up from Miami a few years back and now we don't know where he is'. At least on being asked about the future of his seat, dad has said it's still there for him. 

It's just down to me to make sure it happens. 

Doing it for the team. 

For him. 

And I guess for myself. 

Once we're back at Ransom's he still says nothing when we walk in, but gestures to the living room. "Back in sec, sit down". He then utters and disappears upstairs for a good ten minutes. I can hear him pacing about, doing stuff and wonder what the hell is going on, but then his footsteps are on the stairs and I stiffen slightly - wondering just what mood he could be in now. 

"So...you wanted to talk to me about Ari?" I ask

He paces in front of me, hands stuffed into his pockets. He's in a pale blue sweater today that looks good on him. At least that one hasn't got holes. "Be honest with me Sutton. After Miami and what happened with him? Did you hate me?"

I blink, surprised by what hes just asked. "What? No, why?" 

"The way you looked at me after the race. It was like you hated me for not being the one to crash. I wondered after whether you've just had to push it all aside and put up with what we had". 

I can't believe what I'm hearing. "Hugh...I watched Ari die, just as you did. I was in shock. I don't even remember getting back after because my head felt like it was on another planet. I just wasn't there. So I'm sorry if I gave you any kind of look, but it wasn't personal. No way would I have wished that on you". I then look at him. "Is that why you avoided me? At the funeral?". 

"One of the reasons, but what I'm about to tell you next? It may make you hate me if you didn't before". 

I point to the space next to me on the sofa, and he comes to sit down. "Just know I did this for him. I've been keeping a promise because I'd feel guilty if I broke it. But my therapist said that to free myself from that tie? I need to be open. And She's right - just know I had my reasons, and I'll tell you them". 

"Promise? What promise?" 

He gets out a small box from his pocket and my heart stops. "Ari was going to ask you to marry him at the end of the season. But he asked me to keep the ring safe because he didn't wanna lose it, and also you shared a room. You could've found it. So I did - and I guess I've been shackled to that promise because I didn't wanna upset you. I couldn't exactly walk up to the funeral and hand you it, plus I thought you blamed me for everything. So I kept it safe like he wanted. Honestly? I was going to give it back to you when the time was right, when I felt like perhaps I could get over everything. So I'm sorry, but I know that this is the main thing  that's been eating away at me". 

I open the box shakily and see the perfect ring sitting there. It's beautiful, and the fact that Ransom kept his promise and his loyalty to Ari only makes this more upsetting, but in a good way. Tears prick my eyes and I blink them away. I can only laugh. "That asshole...honestly if he'd have kept it then yeah, it would've got lost..." 

Ransom doesn't look at me, just stares into his lap. 

"Thank you for staying so loyal to him, even in death. I can't be angry at you because there's nothing to be angry about. He asked you to do it, and you did. And you're right - pulling it out at the funeral probably wouldn't have been the best thing". 

I'm still laughing, because now everything makes sense just about why Ransom changed, and how he's been the way that he has. He didn't want to let go...

"He was my friend, probably my only one - and I lost him. That's why I haven't been able to tell you how I feel. Because having that..." He points to the ring. "it meant you were still his - and I felt like I'd be stealing you or something". 

"But you're not. Hugh..." I turn my body to him. "If I'm honest? You've been my therapy. I didn't think I'd be able to get over him and then you came along and I actually felt happy again. But no more faking, I'd like to do this whole relationship thing with you, but even after all this if you just want to stay as friends then I can take that". 

"I don't want to do this even as friends Sutton". His next words make my heart sink further into my chest. 

He looks at me, next words catching me off guard. 

"I want to do this with you as my own, and no one else's".