Melting of a frozen heart

Chapter 13

My body feels like a foreign place, as I walk these halls. I am on high alert right now, and am aware of every inch of myself, in fear that I may be harmed. But at the same time, I don't feel like I am here. I am not in this arena fighting off other children. I wouldn't do something as cruel as driving an axe into a another person. No, I only cut wood.

But I did do that. And I am here in this arena. I know I haven't been here for long, but it feels like it's been centuries since I was in that crappy zoo. I almost miss it, because there my only fear was being shot. But that would be a better death, than what I have seen today.

Tanner is clearly unaware of what has happened. He just keeps talking, and talking like it is just a normal day for him. He almost seems happy to have someone listening to him, but I am sure he has his grief too. Or maybe it just hasn't set in for him, just like how I am trying to grasp the reality of all of this. 

I feel gross. That seems like the only way I can describe it right now. My hands feel sticky, with the remnants of blood. And I feel dirty when I think of how I took innocent lives today. Does it make it better that I didn't do it by choice? I didn't enter this arena voluntarily, and everything I have done has been done out of instincts. 

"You still with me?" Tanner asks. "I know you have been listening, but you got quiet."

"Yeah. I'm still here. Just listening for the other tributes." I tell him. Now isn't the time to shut down. I have come too far to turn back now.

"Oh yeah. That's smart, but doesn't Coral just want us to look out for Lucy?" he asks me, as we keep on walking.

"Yes, and no. She wants us to get Lucy whenever we can, but she also wants to take out everyone else." I say to him in an oddly causal manner. 

I see an odd look flash across his face, and I instantly know what's going on. He has been talking to distract himself, not to just talk. My first instinct is to ask if he is alright. But we all know he is not. Nobody here is, or ever has been. We are born into this life being forced to act like everything is fine, when it truly has never been that way. 

The next thirty or so minutes is silent between us. Not counting the sound of our soft footsteps, and the rats that wander these halls with us. Their little squeaks are irritating me. Much like how Lucy's whistle did. I don't like these high pitched noises. They feel like needles are being guided into my ear canals, where they go on to poke every inch of flesh in sight. 

"Hey lumberjack!" Coral says, when we run into her and Mizzen. "Has the songbird made an appearance yet?"

"No. I have heard her and Jessup whispering, but none of them have made a move to leave." I tell her, as I recall hearing them when Tanner was yapping. "They sounded  panicked though, but not like they know they are being monitored"

"Monitor?" Mizzen whispers.

"Watch Mizzen. We are watching them." Coral explains bitterly. "Well do you know why they sound that way? Is there something you are not telling us?"

"No clue. I didn't hear them" Tanner answers for me.

"I didn't ask you dipshit. She is clearly the one doing her job out for the two of you." she barks at Tanner. Who seems rather annoyed at her choice of words.

"I think Jessup got bit. I overheard him and his mentor talking about it a few days ago. It might be something to do with that." I tell her.

"See. Now that is an answer I would need. Hopefully he's rabid, or something deadly. Then we won't have to kill him. And if we are really lucky he will get Lucy too." Corals says to the group. "Whatever it is. He surely can't hide forever."