Melting of a frozen heart

Chapter 23

I'm not sure if I was able to get any sleep last night. The monster living in my head plagued my sleep from dusk to dawn. Keeping me in a loop of memories that I wish to forget. The worst part about it is that monster is who looks back at me every time I look in the mirror. Taunting me with my past. Reminding me how close death really is. 

After coming out of that arena "victoriously" I can't help but wonder when death is going to come and put me out of my misery. Or if he even is. Maybe I am being left on this earth as a punishment. To let me know once again that I can't play God.

"Are you okay?" Laminas soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

I look over to her, with my eyes squinted due to the blazing sun. I fidget with he axe in my hand, and say "Yeah, everything is fine." before going back to working.

"You sure. Things have felt different ever since that Treech guy came back. Did something happen?" she asks.

I find myself a little annoyed at her question, but I feel bad cause she is just being nice. I'm mainly just annoyed at myself since I keep snapping at him. "I may or may not have blown up in his face... twice." I say slowly. 

She lets out a sign. "There it is. I'm guessing he wants to talk, but you won't let him. Hmm?" she asks politely, despite the fact that she read me like a book. She knows that I am not the most patient person there is.

"Yeah. When I first saw him I got pissed when he said he lives here now. Like why the fuck would he do something so stupid?" I say to her in disbelief.

"Is it possible that you are just lashing out at him because you feel like he shouldn't care for you? I don't understand what you are going through, and I know I never will. But is it possible that you feel guilty, and dislike the idea of him still caring for you? Despite all of the guilt you feel." she tells me.

I stop what I am doing, and look at her. "Damn." I whisper to her. She is better at reading then I thought. "But what about his girlfriend?" I ask her. Trying to give myself a reason to not let him near me. I know I am starting to become unreasonable, like Treech told me, but I just can't fathom why would he want me.

"Honey. Would you leave your home behind for a girl, and still have a girlfriend back home? He clearly doesn't like her. If he did truly like her, like you think, he wouldn't have gone through the effort to see you again. She isn't special to him, _____. Just let yourself know it." she tells me.

"Okay" I mutter. I think over her words, and she has a solid point there. I wouldn't go through all that effort to see someone, if I already had someone for me.

"You should talk to him. I don't think you'll regret" she tells me softly.

"Okay. I'll go find him." I settle aloud. She lets out a satisfied hum, and smiles before focusing on her work.

I guess I'm going to see him again.

✧ (pov switch)

I just feel so off. I don't even care about how boring work has been, and I don't care about how things picked up again here. Calamine is pleased with the dirt I was able to find for the gossip section of the news, but I couldn't care less.