Taking You HOME | EN

Chapter 86 - No

In the past, she would have ducked her head and given in to the restless twinge of fear in her chest to avoid upsetting him. She had never wanted anything other than ... his love.

That he alone looked at her with a warm, loving gaze. She wished him to tell her that he loved her, wanted her, and would protect her. That she was enough, just the way she was, and in his voice there was again the sun that could melt any winter. At least in her world. The way it had once been. But that was in the past.

"No," Eve said, and her voice really sounded firmer this time. "Dylan, you love your job. And that's okay." This time, she got over herself and touched his arm. "You're allowed to be absorbed in it, and you don't have to lie to yourself any more than you have to lie to me. It doesn't help you or me. Please, let's finally be honest with each other and face the facts: You don't have the time or the nerve for us. Neither for me nor for Liam. You can't give us what we need and what we deserve. And if you're honest with yourself ... you secretly chose between us and your job when you joined the Seals. But none of us wanted to see that. You don't make me happy - and I don't make you happy."

"That's not true, Kay!" Dylan put his hand on hers, and his eyebrows drew together. "I ... I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I love Liam, and I love YOU, Kay. I-I know I haven't told you enough. I only ever wanted the best for Liam and you ... it's just... I get tense when I come back from a mission. Then I need something to calm me down, and the alcohol... Shit, we've been together so long. We can do it all. We can...«

"Please stop," she interrupted him, shaking her head. "Stop making excuses and justifications for me and you and making excuses." Above all, she could no longer listen to the flimsy excuses. They sounded empty and hollow to her ears. They no longer healed any wounds or silenced any doubts. And by now, she was glad of it.

Eve noticed that Dylan had been strangely calm so far. It was rare for him to discuss things with her so calmly - but that didn't change her opinion.

No, even if you could think it, and she hated herself for it, it wasn't easy. Despite everything that had happened. Love is blind, they said. Nothing could be more accurate. At least as far as she was concerned, both literally and figuratively. It was hard to let go of everything when you loved someone for so long. But the facts didn't change:

"All we've been doing for far too long is making each other miserable. And every time you couldn't let go, and I couldn't let go, we just made it worse."

"Kay ..."

She had believed for so long that things would improve... but sometimes faith was self-deception. Love was powerful, but it couldn't justify everything, heal everything, or always perform miracles. Sometimes, you had to walk away. But this step was incredibly difficult for her. 

Leaving this new life was like leaping into the unknown without a safety net. But she had dared to do it, and no matter how you looked at it, it was the right thing to do. For the first time in years, she had felt like an independent person again—beautiful and... Yes, also desired. This separation would do them both good. Now Dylan just had to understand that.

"Dylan, this has to stop. You have to take your life into your own hands, make your own decisions, and go your own way. But without Liam and me."

A moment ago, Dylan's expression seemed almost sorrowful and remorseful. Now, his expression hardened again as he gripped her shoulders. "No," he groaned. "Absolutely not. Liam is my son too, Kay, and we're not giving up our marriage because of one of your whims!"

"It's not a whim!" she retorted sharply, pushing against his chest to keep him at a distance. Why did he have to be so damn unreasonable? She might as well have been trying to move a mountain. "I am not and have not been happy with you for the last few years, Dylan! And look what you've done to us! You've hurt me and Liam!"

He winced as if she had hit him, and now the grip on her arms became harder, even painful.

"That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't provoked me that day! And you know that for a fact!" he hissed, sounding more like the petulant animal she knew. "Why did you have to hold that bloody pot in your hand when..."

"When WHAT Dylan?! When did you decide to hit me again? Dylan, I'm nearly BLIND in one eye! I may never be able to see properly again, and I'm still tending to your son's burns every day!"

"That was-!"

"What?! My fault?!" she spat out, anger boiling inside her again. Years of frustration, disappointment, despair... a concoction that poisoned her patience but strengthened her backbone. "You always try to make me believe it was MY fault! Everything, all these years, and you're still doing it now! Dylan Conner, I'm not listening to this anymore! I don't want excuses, I don't want empty promises, and I'm not going to be intimidated by you anymore, do you understand? Let go of me, sign the divorce papers, and get out! NOW!"

Dylan stared at her as if he didn't recognize her. Then his eyes narrowed, and he curled his lips like an animal baring its teeth.
"No," he rumbled, and his fingers dug into her upper arms so painfully that Eve sucked in her breath in pain. "Certainly not!"