A MAN TO HATE

chapter twenty two

Bellatia

I get out of the car once Jungkook opens the door for me

" Thank you " I say softly

He looks sexy with his hair in the biggest mess, his white shirt half open and completely out of his pants , he really had fun with his friends tonight

He runs his hand through his hair as his gaze rest on me

I'm barefoot, holding my shoes in one hand and the gift his mother brought me in the other one

" Good night, it was fun " I say quickly as a walk past him

He chuckles as he let me go, I know he knows that I'm doing my best to stay away from him

Cause I know once we get closer, we will regret it once the reality hits us again

" Good night love " he says softly

Before I reach the last step to my front door, I hear his car starting and he leaves

I turn around to look at the place he was standing a few seconds earlier

Tonight made me realize that maybe, a life with him won't be as bad as I thought he would be

His friends and family kinda make me feel accepted, welcomed... except for his father, but I don't really care about him either

Tonight, there was no difference between our families, this marriage makes us one

I don't even remember the last time I had that much fun and now that I'm walking to my house...my loneliness claws me again

Now that I know how good it is not to be alone, I can feel how heavy the silence of my house is

The silence I used to love back then scares me now

I open my door and walk inside my mansion, I sigh

I think, sharing my space with someone won't be that bad, since my father passed away, I lived all by myself like an antisocial

My days all look the same, wake up, go to work, have dinner, come back home, work again, sleep...and restart again

I would never think that I would have to wait for Jungkook to come into my life to realize that I needed a change in my lifestyle

Not sure he is the one I need in my new lifestyle, but I still don't have any other options

And to be honest, his company isn't that bad...if we ignore our fights and our stubbornness...

We can survive in this marriage

I drop myself in my bed, facing the ceiling

I should start to organize the wedding ceremony, but I still don't feel ready for it

Why did I say this summer instead of sticking to my first idea to stay for six months?

Now there's no turning back and the time goes so fast

I feel anxious as we get closer to it...

I know I don't want to be lonely anymore in my mansion like a rat in its sewer, but I'm still scared of what a life with a man like Jungkook will be like

We do know how to compromise but I can't ignore the fact that most of the time, we just can't

There's just two things we do the best, fighting and... turning each other on

That's not really a lifestyle that I can stand neither that I want

But what can I say? It's already too late now for regrets