WANT so BAD | minsung

thirty six

After a while of thinking, Hyunjin is now in front of Felix's door. It's true that he can never have a blink of sleep if he's not beside Felix. It's true that he can't take it anymore and he's ready to risk everything, but is this really the right choice? What if Felix doesn't feel the same way? What if everything will be ruined between them if he confessed?

Few small knocks felt like a bomb. He's careful to the point that he's not making any sound anymore.

"Lix? Can we talk?" then he turned the knob knowing Felix never locked his doors when he's alone. "Lix?"

"Hey I'm here" Felix replied and Hyunjin noticed he's on the other side of the bedroom. The younger is arranging his flowers because it looked like he just changed the water.

"Lix I'm leaving tomorrow and we have to talk now or we'll wait until I come back" Hyunjin said in almost a whisper.

"Leaving? Where to?"

Damn it Felix! Be sad that I'm leaving like you always do. Ask me if you can come with me like you used to.

"Uh it's Yuna's birthday in next two days. Nayeon wants me home early" Hyunjin answered and Felix was still busy with his flowers.

"Hyunjin I'm kinda tired right now. Maybe I'll just wait for you to come back. I don't think I'm in the right space to talk. Take care, though. When you leave" Hyunjin had enough.

"Lix this can't wait anymore"
"It already did when you decided to ignore me. We could've talked earlier if you just gave me an opportunity, you know?"
"I know. I'm sorry"
"Please don't apologize"
"What?"

Felix then turned around and his tears that were already falling made Hyunjin so surprised. Was he crying since earlier? Why didn't he notice?

"I said don't apologize to me. It's making me more feel stupid. I shouldn't be this way especially when I was the one who did you wrong! Don't make it so hard for me to accept the mistake I did! So don't apologize when I'm the one who should be doing that!"

Minho hyung was right. He's already starting to blame himself.

"No. We should apologize to each other. We both made a mistake and you can't just blame yourself for that! I wasn't honest at all with everything since I've come to like you! I'm in love with you, but I didn't even try to tell you what I feel because I am scared! Lix, the moment I've realized I love you is also the scariest moment of my life! I am not mad at you because you've had sex with Changbin hyung. I am mad at myself for not being able to stop you because of my cowardness! I want to beg you to not go inside his room and not do it with him, but I didn't! I ran away and that's my mistake!"

Felix froze.

"I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for falling in love with you. I'm sorry for being a coward. I'm sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong. You didn't and it's okay. Everything that happened is okay. Now please, can we just go back to where everything started? Please look at me like how you used to. Love me like you used to, Lix"

Hyunjin broke.

"I love you like I always do, Hyunie and I'm sorry if we can't go back to the way we used to. Not after you told me all these things. Why should we go back if I can just make another chapter with you? I'm in love with you too and I ended up in Changbin hyung's room because I thought you really went to Chan hyung's. I was really sad and bothered that I used Changbin hyung to fill up my heart. It didn't work. We did it but it didn't help at all. It was still you I want beside me"

They both hugged. They both felt the longing and the eagerness to be touched again by each other. How they missed their scent with just a day of being closely distant yet felt so far away.

"God I miss you so much, Lix. I swear I'm so tired right now and I could just sleep all day with with you"

"What about aunt Nayeon? You'll leave tomorrow right?"

"Yes and now you're coming with me. I have to introduce you as my lover now, shouldn't I?"

"Wait what? You're telling them about you?"

"Nayeon knows I'm gay, Lix. That's not a big news for them. Though the question is, are you ready?"

"If you're ready, then I am"

"Good. Can we sleep now? I'm literally gonna pass out"

"Wait Hyunie"

Felix then tiptoed and gave Hyunjin a quick peck before carressing his face and looking deeply into his eyes. "Now I sealed it. I love you so much, my love"

"I love you, Lix. So so much"