WANT so BAD | minsung

forty five

It was actually midnight when Jisung decided to go home. After what happened at the studio, he wants to clear things with Minho, too. He felt selfish and actually bad that he made the older feel like it was his fault that Jisung was being distant.

He might lie if he didn't say that Minho hurt him. He did and it actually made Jisung doubt his relationship with him.

"Ji? Is that you?" he was startled and kinda wanna run away when he heard Minho, but it's too late. They might not work things out if he ever decided to let this pass.

"Hey hyung why are you still awake?" Jisung asked and he realized that Minho was just out of bed because of his messy hair and droopy eyes.

"Fell asleep on the couch while waiting for you. You said we'll talk and I want to clear things between us so I waited. I also wanted to apologize" he responded and Jisung started to take off his coat and shoes while dropping the bag on the couch beside him.

"Let's sit first" Jisung stated and Minho obeyed, sitting across him. "Before you apologize or say anything about us, I want you to listen to me first. We can patiently take turns if you really want to clear this and I want you to be open and honest because if not, I don't think I'll understand anything. Okay?

Now I want to apologize too. What I felt back then is not something I can justify. I am responsible for my own feelings and shutting you all off is selfish, trust me, I know. I felt that you wanted to comfort me, but I just couldn't risk it. I was irritated by all of what's happening to me and all I could feel was me being sensitive about everything. I can't make you suffer more that's why I decided to be silent about it. I was scared I might push you away so I stopped myself from talking. I know I could've just yelled at you and made you feel angry to me too, but I can't hurt you. I know what I'm like whenever I go through with that and I don't want you to feel sad about it.

Though, I know you're already sad that I wasn't able to communicate with you, but I just couldn't risk it. I had to be okay to calmly talk to you about it or else I will regret doing it back then. I don't blame you for anything that I felt after you tried to distant yourself from me, but I want to be honest. I got hurt when you don't want me to comfort you. I cried about it to Hyunjin, but I don't want to be insensitive. I know I made you turn to that point because I've kept you in the dark. I'm sorry, hyung. Sometimes, things doesn't really go how I planned it to happen and I want to deeply apologize for that"

Minho was teary eyed and so was Jisung. He couldn't even forgive himself that he tried to push Jisung away just because he was not in the mood. Emotions flashed over him and now he was embarrassed.

"That's what I want to apologize about. Hyunjin hit me on the face and I was thankful for it because I was able to realize the fact that whatever you're going through, you will throw it all away just to comfort someone. You still tried to ask if I was okay and I couldn't even do that to you. It's obvious that I was being petty and immature about everything. The person you said that you trusted wasn't there and now I'm embarrassed. You once told me that you were thankful you have someone who was understanding, but on that moment, suddenly, I wasn't that person. I'm sorry, love. Really, I want us to be okay. I don't want you to feel that you need to invalidate your feelings just to justify my actions. I shouldn't have done that to you. I should've been more patient with you. I'm sorry"

Jisung then reached for Minho's face who is now crying non-stop and refusing to look him in the eyes.

"Hey, hyung? It's okay. Really, I'm fine now. We're fine. You don't have to be embarrassed about it. I am here so that we can work it out. I appreciate that you tried to reach out to me so we can sit and talk like this. If it wasn't for your willingness, we wouldn't even be here because I know for a fact it would be hard for me to talk to you on my own"