The Blood I Carry

Heartbeat

We landed in the forest, now we're walking through it again. Heads low, barely talking. I hold onto Arlos arm tightly, getting memories from the last time we were here. The fear I felt, and how I thought this place was peaceful and nice when it's very clearly the complete opposite. It's dirty and too quiet, you can hear your footsteps on the crunchy leaves below your feet but that's about the only thing you hear, if you hear anything else it's either someone else in here with you or a wild animal that has disease spread in its fur, on its way to death anyway.

"I don't like it." I'm now panicking. My throat feels as though it's closing up, I can feel my heartbeat in my fingers. My breathing becomes shallow.

"Did you take your meds this morning?" Arlo asks.

I look at him, "Yes I took my meds but how does that relate to anything?"

"I read that you can become quite panicky if you forget to take them for a certain amount of time. Just wanted to make sure you were doing alright." He hangs his head low, as if he's embarrassed to care for me. I don't think about that. Right now I'm trying to fight off a panic attack that is attacking my breathing quite well. "You're okay, breathe, I love you okay? You're going to be okay."

I breathe in and out at a slow pace, the irritating feeling of nausea crawling up my throat. I swallow hard.
"I know it's just, what if we get there and he's dead? They're all dead?"

"They won't be."

I spoke quickly straight after him, cutting him off even if he was going to say something else. "And how do you know that?" You don't know shit about if they're dead or n-"

"I know theyre not, okay? Your little friends are not dead. Unlike Luna, dead as a dodo. I watched her die." He mutters the last sentence but I ignore it and focus on what he said before.

I stop walking and look at Arlo.

"Not cool. Not funny. Not fucking cool.'' I shove him slightly, of course he doesn't move much though. I then continue walking, attempting to get away from him for a minute. His hand takes hold of my wrist, and he pulls me back so hard I thought I was going to fall over. He holds me back away from the others, leaving us last, no one to protect us but ourselves. Arlos hand strokes my cheek, gently brushing away the tear that fell.

"Don't cry Liv. Please, I'm sorry, don't cry." He whispers, pulling me in for a hug. I melt into his hug, then I pull away.

"Why do you do that? Do something wrong and then apologise for it? You have no filter now, why is that?" I start walking again, Arlo walks beside me as we catch up slowly to the others.

"I just, i don't think, alright. and i'm sorry it won't happen again Liv. I promise."

He made a promise to me. He hasn't done that in months. We used to make pinky promises to each other all the time, that went out the window. Why is he doing it now?

"Ok i forgive you but seriously i don't have time for this. We need to go and save these guys." my pace quickens to fully catch up to the group.

After a few more minutes of walking, we arrive in the streets. I feel like I can't breathe. I keep taking deep breaths, especially when we see our old apartment and my old bedroom window. Chills are sent up my spine and up my neck and I feel like I'm going to throw up. A lump in my throat makes my mouth dry, my stomach churns.

"How are you holding up princess?" Jude walks beside me as we walk past our apartment block.

"Panic attack is all I can say. Me and Arlo used to live right there, you know." I quickly point over to the very slowly decaying building on my right. "From my bedroom window you can see the whole forest. I thought it was beautiful before we went down there."