The Blood I Carry

Powerful feelings

Killing two people, then having your friends be concerned about you because you enjoyed killing them people, is not fun. You walk into a room and get 'are you alright?' or 'feeling any better?' I'm feeling just fine, thank you. What's worse? Your boyfriend falling even deeply in love with you for killing them two men and seeing you in a manic state. So he makes the night special, and takes your virginity, only for him to start becoming distant with you. Suddenly not wanting anything but a simple kiss before bed.

The sex was amazing that night. It was magical and beautiful and sweet. Jude said that hearing me moan his name was the best thing he's ever heard. Hearing my name roll off his tongue as he came was blissful. He made me feel so good. I made him feel good. He was careful with me and made sure I was okay. It was also reckless at times, we were in love and wanted the physical contact clearly both of us had been craving for ages.

Now, I don't know. We woke up the morning after, we showered together, we smiled, we kissed, we ate breakfast and chilled under the tree in the garden for a few hours before training. The day after that he was amazing to me again. We loved the feeling of our bodies one on one, physical contact and feeling each other in every crevice of our skin. Four days later, and he didn't want it anymore. That's fine, I didn't push him. I only started to get the slight feeling of distance when he started to lose his smile again. I get it, no one can always be happy, but when it means pushing your own girlfriend away? I worry about him, I really do.

And now? It's been worse. He's not been talking to me really at all. He's been pushing himself away, he hangs out with Valentina more than anyone else at the minute. I've tried to ask her what's up with him and if i can help but i just got an answer like "He'll be okay, leave him be."

Okay? Thanks? I just want to help him. I don't like seeing him upset. It seems as though something has been bothering him. I'll ask if he's alright and he will just run a distressed hand through his ruffled hair and scratch the back of his neck when I'm sure he doesn't have to scratch it. He replies either with a mutter of yes, or a quiet hum, the newest one is "Whatever suits you." Then he leaves. I don't know what to do.

"You win!" Raven gasps for air as I lift my foot off of her neck. She coughs. "Holy shit your getting good. Are you sure you didn't use?"

"No Raven, I didn't use my power, you taught me this stuff, why are you so shocked with your own training skills?" I laugh and hold out a hand for her, she takes it but once she's up she slaps me across the face. The sting holds in my cheek for a second and I'm sure I have a red hand mark across my face.

"What was that for! Fuck!" I look at her, eyebrows pressed together.

"You were being a bitch. Sort yourself out Liv." She turns around for a second so her back is facing me. I think she's genuinely mad at me until she starts giggling. The giggles turn into laughter. Raven turns back around to me, a smile spread across her face. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay serious. Seriously though girl, you gotta lighten up. People are only just starting to like you again, just-" She rolls her shoulders back, taking a deep breath, in, and out. "Loosen up, lighten up, and for the love of fucking God go and talk to Jude."

I look at her, eyebrows raised and arms crossed. I want to argue back until I realise there is nothing to argue against. I know I should go and talk to him but it's so difficult when all he does is shut me out.

"I cant." I mutter, now picking at bits of my lip. It's better than breaking skin.

Raven stares at me, suddenly seeing actually annoyed at the fact I say I can't when we all know I can.

"Yes you can. I think the whole world knows you can, everyone at meal times and meetings can feel the tension between you guys. It's ridiculous. It's been happening ever since you killed them guys and you two slept together. Trust me. You have to talk to him."