The Blood I Carry

An accident or on purpose?

When I said I wanted to be loved by a boy, I didn't mean to the point where our emotions are literally connected if they are up to a certain level.

Sir Cassander doesn't know what it is and why it happens. He sent a letter to King Marshall Peterson and Queen Leighton Phoenix since it could be dangerous to both me and Jude apparently.

For now though? We have to stay apart for as long as we can since we're both still grieving so much. It's difficult when you sometimes only want the person you love most because you're feeling sad, but you can't see that person because you'll both hurt yourselves touching each other's skin.

I want this gone. I'm desperate. I just want to hug Jude and kiss him again without feeling a pain in my head and heart. I don't know why it's so strong, surely our emotions would have calmed down since that day a week ago? You would think they would have, but they haven't. I miss Jude so much. We're not even sleeping in the same bed again. I have no one to hold me when I have my nightmares. We still sit next to each other for meals and can be in the same room. It just feels like there's a magnetic force that's pulling us together, but we can't be near each other. In my head the magnetic force looks like our colours again, red and blue/white dancing mist and colour flashing around and connecting us. As if we were meant to be together. The only word I can think about all of this is: Soulmate.

Im looking through Arlos journals and drawing books, again.

It's comforting and just about the only parts of him I have left. I stare at the one of me, Jude and Grayson constantly. I think it's because it's so realistic and an in-the-moment type of drawing, as if it were a photo someone took on a polaroid camera.

There's another one that he drew of me and him, it makes me tear up if I stare at it hard enough. He got both our features right, he got not only mine but his own smile perfect. It looks like were the ages we are now, but the only difference is that we are in our old clothes in our old apartment. I can tell by the little details in the background, it certainly isn't here at End Point. I don't know why he drew us if he hated me the whole time we were here. Yes okay, he said he loved me after the attack and on the way to get the others from The Intelligent, and when he...yeah. But how could i believe it when he rarely spoke to me for the whole time we were both here? He had so many fucking opportunities to talk to me, but he went cold. I appreciate the fact he still loved me after everything, even if he had to sort his own shit out while he was here, but it's still not fair. He could have been here for me. I'm grateful i havent had to go through this whole journey alone though, I don't know what I would have done.

Im staring at the picture of me, Jude and Grayson when i get a light knock on my door.

I really didn't want to be disturbed tonight.

"Come in." I speak from my bed, not looking up from the drawing. Grayson walks in, and closes the door behind him.
"Hey Liv, you alright?"

"As alright as can be. Yourself?" I smile at him, closing the book but keeping my hand in it as a little bookmark so I don't lose the page. He sits on the bed in front of me, both of our legs crossed.

"Im okay, more concerned about you and Jude though, what's going on there? You've not been alright for weeks now, especially this week, don't think i dont notice." Graysons confused. I know why he's confused about the situation. It's because Cassander told us not to tell anyone about it until Leighton and Marshall get back to him via letter.

I look down at the front cover of the book. What's the worst that could happen if i do tell Grayson? I'm surprised I've gone a week without telling him, there's no luck trying to hide it from Raven, she already knew before I got to speak to her about it. I put Arlos book on my bedside table.