The Blood I Carry

Always

Waking up in a place you don't recognise might be one of the few moments I hate about my day. Especially when the last thing you remember is your brother saying how worthless and unimportant you are.

My eyes peel open, panic taking over. I hear a monitor beside me beeping, but it's getting quicker and quicker and quicker and quicker.

"Hey you're okay it's Grayson don't worry." Grayson speaks.

I look to my left, to see him smiling at me. The monitor slows down.

I sit up, groaning and clearing my throat as I do. My bones ache.

"How long was i out?" The stiff bones tell me I've been laying in one place for ages and ages.

"Two days."

"And how long have you been there?" I ask.

"I came after breakfast until training, then after lunch, after afternoon training and then after dinner. Jude came around 9pm for who knows how long. He skipped breakfast though so I'm going to assume he stayed the night." He gets up from the chair, goes behind him and fiddles with a plastic cup and water.

"You came here during all of your free time? Gray why did you-"

"Because I was sort of worried about you after you had gotten dropped from the ceiling onto your head and back." He passes me the cup of water. I drink it without thinking. It suddenly hits me what actually happened. All those things he said to me. It hurts. My chest aches, my head aches. Everything aches.

"Well good evening Miss Roberts. How are you feeling?" A man dressed in all white comes in with a tablet in his hand.

"As fine as a person can be after being slammed on the floor?"

"Well you're awake, that's the good thing. We need to do a brain scan to make sure you haven't got a concussion. You've been out like a baby for the last 2 days." He explains.

"Okay, can I get out of here after though?"

The doctor looks at me, then looks at the monitor that has my heartbeat and blood pressure on it.

"Yes I suppose so, but be careful, try not to get dropped on your head again." He raises his eyebrows at Grayson.

"Hey, I didn't do anything!" Grayson holds his arms up as if being caught by the police. I laugh, even though my stomach hurts.

I look around the room a bit more, everything is white that it sort of makes my eyes hurt. The bed I am on is white, the sheets are white, the weird clothes they put me in are white, the cupboards are, guess what, white. The only not white thing in here is basically the clothes that Grayson is wearing. I hope to never be in here again.

After the scan, we found out I don't actually have a concussion, just a small bit of bruising. Now I'm on medication to stop the bruising and to heal me quicker. The doctor told me that the medication might make me feel different though, maybe more down, maybe a little bit small, as if the world is going to swallow me up. Like I don't already feel that way.

"Come on then, let's go and get you some food." Grayson stands up from sitting on my bed. I decided to change into comfier clothes instead of the ones I was wearing in the medical room.

"But im not-"

"You've been knocked out for nearly three days Olivia, you need to eat. Come on." He holds his hand out for me to grab.

"But I look rough. I don't want anyone else to see me." I groan. I would rather not be faced with anyone else right now.

"Okay, you stay here then, i'll be back. Promise." Grayson says, then he walks out the door, closing it behind him. Strange.

I sit down on the floor near the big, nearly wall-sized window. It overlooks parts of the island, mainly trees, but if I look up, thousands and thousands of stars shine down, twinkling everywhere. I can also see a tiny bit of the gardens. I suddenly wish I was there, then I think of Jude. Grayson said he came to the medical room I was in at 9pm, then he would miss breakfast and be in here when Grayson went in after breakfast. Did he sleep on the chair beside me? If I'm being honest I don't know why he did that. It doesn't seem like he cares about me that much, I'm surprised Grayson didn't sleep in the room. But no, it was Jude. The same Jude who tells people to fuck off when they make a joke about him. The same Jude who never smiles in training or meal times. But then, it's the same Jude who kissed me under the big green tree in the garden, the same Jude who calls me princess and takes care of me when I'm not myself. He knows me. He cares about me. A warm fuzzy feeling bubbles in my stomach. Or maybe thats my body finally telling me i need food.

Grayson comes back nearly twenty minutes later with two servants following him, both carrying trays of food. We sit by the window, pointing out the biggest stars and eating. I end up eating everything on the tray. It's probably the most I've eaten since I came here.

"So, what have I missed while taking a short nap?" Sarcasm is clearly on my agenda for tonight.

"Well, Sir Cassander told everyone else what he told us, and now the whole group gives me funny looks. As if it's my fault. I wasn't the one who pissed off to The Intelligent. I could have but I didn't." He sighs.

"They're all asses, ignore them. I can throw them to the ceiling now if you need." I smile. He chuckles but kindly refuses on my offer. I don't blame him for that one.

"Anything from..." I dont really want to say his name. I'm glad that Grayson knows exactly who im on about.

"No, not really. He's been hanging out with Luna and Rowan more though. Each to their own i suppose." He shrugs. Were both silent for a few minutes, just looking outside. I rest my head on his shoulder. "Liv, whats been going on? I mean I know about Arlo and everything but like, what's going on in there?" He lightly taps on my head.

I think about what to say for a few minutes. I've never really fully opened up about this stuff.

"My mind plays tricks on me. It has been since I was around thirteen. I can be happy for who knows how long, but then everything comes tumbling down, and suddenly the walls are caving in and I feel like I have no one to guide me out of the room that is getting smaller and smaller. It makes me feel like I've lost my mind because at times I feel like I could jump off of a building and not get hurt. It's as if my brain is on autopilot. And I can't make it stop. I was meant to get it checked out with my mum because she had the same thing but..." I take a deep breath. I think about what to say. I swallow, silent tears dripping down. "My mum died before we could go somewhere. So did my dad. They both died, and it's been worse since then. When the plane crashed, I hadn't realised till the other day but my dads old camera was in there and my mum's book was in there. The one that I read any time I felt unsafe or like the walls were caving in. Now it's gone, no distractions. There isn't a day, not one day, where I haven't thought about just going to them. Letting go. " I let out a sort of sob. Grayson wraps his whole body around me, allowing me to feel pressure. To calm me. My whole body becomes weak as I sob into his chest.

Ten minutes later, the crying stopped, the noises stopped. Everything stopped. I finally felt at peace. Grayson held me. Played with my hair. Helped me. I never want him to let go. He is my safe space. The person I can go to. He has helped me since day one. Since the plane went down.

"You are not alone Olivia, I'll tell you that. If you ever, ever, need me, I am here. I will stop everything I'm doing for you, do you understand?" Grayson mumbles near my ear. I sniffle, and nod my head.

"Thank you." I whisper.

He kisses my forehead, and holds me till I fall asleep.

Mental health hurts so badly, but there are things and people that can help you. You are never alone, no matter how alone you feel.