The Hearts that Bleed Black

Chapter 17

Kijani

Many years ago...

"I can't believe I was so stupid..." I whispered, hot tears spilling down my cheeks, "I didn't think he'd do that to me..."

I regretted agreeing to meet Ivan. It had left me to crawl back to my home with the little strength I had left. All I could do now was scrub my body as hard as I could, knowing it wouldn't change what happened. No matter how I tried, his touch had burned into me, tainted me.

He had made me feel disgusting, as though my body was little more than an object to be abused. That was all it was to Ivan, a toy for his amusement. I think he likes it when I squirm, the resistance fulfils whatever sick fantasies that live inside his mind. His friends certainly weren't shy in helping him.

I dragged the cloth across my chest, letting the hot water burn. It was a distraction from the pain and the trauma, a somewhat relief from the agony of losing the right to your own body.

I had nowhere to go, no one to talk to and no one that would believe me. I was just a simple fifteen-year-old boy with no family and no money, I was a thief and a scoundrel. All I would receive for telling the truth was a thorough beating and being named as a liar. Few would believe a boy would ever experience something like this, and those that would do not pay attention to the likes of me. They have bigger worries.

All I could do was wallow in my misery and try my best to forget. I had little hope of that, it was so vivid, so fresh in my mind. He had filled me with terror and made me choke on it until I could bear no more. At that moment I had died, now I was just an empty body. Whether or not a soul encompassed that vessel anymore, I couldn't tell.

No longer would I allow myself the privilege of bearing emotion. Emotion would only ever get me hurt, I had to think rationally and logically to survive. No longer would I care for other people, I could only care for myself. I had to come first, for I'd spent too long letting others go ahead.

It was time I learned control over my own heart.

***

Commander Bellatrix

"So, are you going to tell me what we're doing?" Misaki muttered, "Or why Arden is sending people to kill you?"

"In regard to Arden, he is trying to silence me I suspect" I sighed, "He assaulted me nearly a fortnight ago and since then nearly all the kingdoms have cut ties with him over it." My voice hitched as I spoke, the memories threatening to spill out again.

"As they should" Misaki said sharply, "No man who forces himself upon someone deserves any kind of humane treatment." I nodded in agreement. I glanced out towards the forest, watching as a crow flew over us. The sun was starting to set.

"Bellatrix, you know you can trust me," Misaki said quietly, "Who are we trying to find?" I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to decide what to say. I figured if she knew the truth it might make the mission a little easier. Besides, she'd find out eventually.

"We're looking for King Aspen" I eventually said, "He's disappeared for uh... reasons."

"Reasons such as?" Misaki raised a brow sceptically.

"He's run away with his bodyguard after his mother tried to get rid of him" I winced, "I let them leave but we need them to come back before Cyrus attacks."

"My, I wasn't expecting that" Misaki frowned, her blue-grey eyes narrow, "But that doesn't explain why you have hanahaki disease."

"What are you talking about?" I stiffened in the saddle, "I'm perfectly fine."