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5. aftermath

5. aftermath - May 22, 2024 

I see it fade away. It's now done. I stand alone on the beach, gazing out to the sea. I see the hurricane pass over and descend onto the horizon. The thunder becomes faint. The winds calmed. It seems like the worst has passed and we can rebuild from here. Repair the damages done. Fix what can be fixed. Yet, even after the hurricane, it's still so cloudy. There is no blue sky. It's only a dull gray. And as I look around, this beach is riddled with debris. Parts of homes and roofing are scattered here and there. Chairs are overturned and buried underneath the sand. What should have been a place for me to run away to is nothing more than a ruined wasteland. A reminder that everything will always change. I feel the damp sand shift and sift in my feet. The humid air chokes my throat. I don't feel that familiar feeling of safety. I feel defeated. I look at my phone and dial your number. What did I expect? I was sent straight to voicemail and that was it. I drop everything. My keys and phone are lost somewhere, hopefully, buried beneath the sand like the rest of the broken things.

I walk with no direction in mind. I don't even know what I feel now. Do I miss you? Do I hate how things turned out? Why did you leave me with no warning? Why were you so quick to throw me aside? Not even the cold ocean water bothers my thoughts. I continue walking over the rough sand and shells that stab at me from below. The water is up to my knees yet I let my mind go on and on. I don't see the beach behind me. I don't see the horizon beyond me of nothing but sky and ocean. All I see is you—my memories of you are playing like flashbacks. With every scene of you that flashes across my mind and eyes, I dive deeper and deeper. The water is at my chest and it's getting harder to breathe. I remember our first date. I remember how tired we were from running around like kids. I remember how tight you held me. I remember feeling like I could fly beyond the storms and cloudy skies here whenever I was with you.

I breathe in water. I feel my body struggle as the water fills my lungs. And still, I remain motionless, stuck in my final moments. Watch my life playback and see you for the last time. I feel light. I feel at peace. As if I'm flying, I don't feel the ocean floor. I am above it all. So I rise and rise while my body goes limp. As the final scene closes, I see flashes of red and blue sparkle above me. I am too tired to think. I let it all go. I just gave up.