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4. hurricane

4. hurricane - May 12, 2024 

Where did the sunny skies go? The trees are violently shaking. There is not a single thing alive to be seen. All I can hear is the rushing winds that break apart the streets and homes down the road. The power is down and the thunder crashes into the earth. When I peek out the window, I look for your familiar car, thinking back to the clear days when you were still my everything. I'm sitting alone by the window, watching the winds and rain pour hell. If I step out, would I be swept away as well? Take me away from this reality where I have no one? A reality where all I know and feel is loneliness and emptiness.

How did it become so? How did such a hurricane suddenly break through and leave us like this? My last good memory of you was when I took a chance and came to see you. Your face lit so brightly. You were in awe but had that stupid face you make when you fall in love. I thought I found it. Someone who can be mine and mine only to love. The singular soul meant for me. A pre-destined soulmate from the stars above. My calm breeze on an autumn day. You came rushing out the door to me without a single worry. How different you were then to now. It's as if that spark. That light within you. It became cloudy and forgot what it meant to love. And the very day that your shine died, I died along with you. I didn't feel warm. I felt like I was inside the hurricane. The winds are all around, blowing like a madman. The rain is pouring on me. I am lost in the storm. I'm being blown left and right like a ragdoll. Feel my body tear itself apart.

I remember when that day was. I had surely believed what you had been selling me. I was reckless to think that you were any different than the others. You didn't come around the corner in your car. Your phone sent me straight to voicemail. My texts were never delivered. Where did you go, I would cry by the window. I stumble to my car and drive like hell out to anywhere. I race by your house with your car missing. The warning sirens sound in my mind. My hands clench the wheel as my foot is on the pedal. I felt the winds blow through me, but it wasn't the same. It's not comforting. It's cold and harsh. I feel drops hit my cheeks yet ignore the signs. The one moment I think back to is the park where we shared that first connection. The park where it started it all. And as I pulled up, everything felt as if it went in slow motion. I didn't even realize I was still driving when I saw what I saw out my window. You zoom past me. Your smile was still dazzling and bright, but I wasn't the one who you saw. Your attention was drawn next to your side. Another girl sat where I had sat and smiled the same smile I had shown you. Then, the sky darkened the moment you passed by. I brake on a dime and clench the wheel harder than I ever held. In that second, everything went quiet. And the next second, everything fired off. My phone rang and rang as the warning sign blasted. The radio came alive and warned of the arrival of the hurricane. The rain started its assault. The winds nearly blew my car onto its side. Without a thought, I race home to no one.

As I sit alone tonight, I watch the hurricane run its course. Watch as it tears through my street. I am sitting with my clothes drenched from the rain. My lips shudder and my spine shivers. Still, I sit there with my thoughts. My vision swirls and twists like I am still inside the hurricane. Feel myself lose reality and spiral out of control. Then, blackout onto the floor. Maybe then, I can find my peace.