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22. everyone's nightmare

22. everyone's nightmare - September 4, 2024 

I am so goddamn tired. I hated this shit. I swear that God and the universe just love playing with my life. I'm on my last straw. And, it's especially bad today. I was going to be no one's peace today. I aimed to be the scourge of everyone's lives. Their nightmares. The fucking boogeyman. Boo, bitch. Boo.

I could not believe that I had spent all of my time on a motherfucker who is just playing me. How I was so into them only for them to be with someone and leave me looking like an idiot. No, please. GO FUCKING ON. I would love to hear whatever bullshit excuse. When I said I was tired of men, this shit is why. And ladies, you ain't safe either. I know you motherfuckers be leaving guys as friends but just be straight up. All of you need to be blunt and straight with it. When I say this, I say this once. GUYS AND GIRLS SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS. ESPECIALLY when the people you say are your friends liked you before you friend-zoned them. Be fucking for real and end it there. Do it for both of y'all so y'all can go your separate ways. I sure as hell would have loved to. Not be brought along with a damn ass guy I poured my heart to. If I pour out my heart and be vulnerable to you, I think you should take the hint. But no, you want to play stupid and think I'm just a close friend. And what irks me more is that I have to see this motherfucker's face and act all normal about it because I'm not gonna let it show that I'm bothered by it. Of course not because then, it'll show that I liked that piece of shit and still had feelings for him.

But, now I have to face the music. I liked him. I liked him so much it hurt. Like I want to hide myself because of how bad it hurts. Be incredibly violent to justify my frustration and anger that I'm seething with. The only thing I could hope is that his relationship goes wrong. Watch them slowly burn together like how I crashed and burned myself. Is it a little fucked up for me to say that? Hell, yeah. But, I'm here for his misfortune. If I suffered, I was sure as hell not going down alone. I prey on his downfall. I wish nothing but the worst for them. Even if I like him so much still, which I will never admit to, I want him to know how soul-crushing it is to hurt me.