Addicted To You

14 - Special

My readers loved how Kihyun had surprised me with the tickets to the SHINee concert. The ones who had been with me for a few years knew my story and how Jinki got her name. But since I had so many new ones, I shared it again.

I talked about how the power of Monsta X had called to me and how they won me over. They waged a full-out war for my affections and won. I wrote about how amazing the show was and how I could not compare it to Monsta X because the experiences were so unique. One was not better than the other and both groups put on one hell of a show. I even told them how the guys had been a little jealous.

While the response was mostly supportive and happy that I got to see my first group, one commenter said she was concerned because the Monstas were jealous and I seemed not to care. They said I should not "cheat" on the group that had asked me to follow them around. I laughed out loud at that one. I replied that the Monstas were grown men and able to handle 'a little jealousy'. I reminded her that one of them purchased the tickets and escorted me. Shut down. Rileigh; 1, Felicia: 0.

I had to turn off the comments on that one because some of my readers went after her. They weren't nasty, but I could see things escalating. That kind of behavior is not tolerated on my blog and I had to step in. I probably lost a follower, but I gained dozens of others. That is just the way it works.

I had to admit to myself that everyone but Shownu did seem to be more jealous though, especially Changkyun and Minhyuk. Shownu was just rolling with it like he always does. I felt like there was some kind of competition that I didn't know about. Things like Kyun dripping wet in his towel, Min's sweet text, and Kiki's generosity were all spinning around and threatening to drown me. My loyalty to Changkyun was being tested and I was having trouble controlling it.

I cannot count the number of nights I laid awake thinking about my situation. I was still not able to comprehend that Kyun and Min wanted me. It just didn't seem real. It seemed that I could have either of them if I just accepted their advances. I was afraid to take that step or make any change to our relationship. I was afraid they were only interested in me as a distraction, just a temporary plaything. They could have their pick of girls, but I was convenient. At least that is how I kept myself in check. If I started to believe they were serious, I would have a problem.

On the other hand, I was attracted to them in a major way. This new sexual side of me, this awakening, or whatever you want to call it, was completely new for me. I didn't know how to control it. When I was drinking heavily and not using much discretion in my sex life, I was still not like this. Those times were just a blur and I was thankful I had escaped it when I met Philip. I hadn't had a boyfriend since he and I broke up. And even while I was with him there were no earth-moving experiences, no mind-blowing anything. I had never even orgasmed during sex with him or anyone else. I always needed assistance to reach that peak.

That is why what happened during rehearsal was such a shock to me. Even after I learned I was not a freak and that a woman can orgasm without physical stimulation if she is aroused enough, I still had a hard time grasping that it happened to me.

Since my 'awakening,' I had discovered things about my body that I had never known. When I would take care of business before, it was just that. I would get out my toy and get it done. I didn't like touching myself. It didn't enhance the experience for me and I couldn't reach climax that way.

Things were different now and I was learning my body for the first time. Learning what I liked and what I didn't like. Maybe it was just because I was already so horny that I couldn't stand it. Maybe it was their pheromones or just the proximity. I had no idea. What I did know was that I wanted sex for the first time in years, and I had come close to taking Changkyun up on his offers.