Addicted To You

35 - Unfair Love

I had cleaned myself up and looked almost normal by the time I had my Christmas video call with my family. Thank goodness for makeup. The girls were first on the screen, opening the gifts I had sent home several weeks back. Their excitement was contagious and I couldn't help but get caught up in their enthusiasm.

They pulled out skincare masks, the kinds that look like animal faces, BTS and Monsta X CDs and official merch, several new outfits each-- like they had seen in K-dramas-- kawaii Korean stationery and school supplies, and so many other things I can't even remember.

We talked for two hours with most of it being led by the girls. Everyone else joined in once they were finished opening their gifts. I missed my family. I reminded them I would be home in two months. I didn't have the heart to tell them I was moving to Korea a month after that.

The guys wanted to hold off on making any announcements until the current contract ended and I came back from my break. I thought that was a good idea too. Even the staff didn't know yet. It would be a surprise to everyone.

After we finished talking, I curled up with Jinki and petted her. She had been watching the whole time. She missed them too. My mind was spinning and it wasn't from the hangover. Was I truly making the right decision to accept their offer? Was I going to be able to handle it? I felt like the playing field had been leveled since we had both given the other a large helping of hurt.

My phone dinged and it was a notification from Monsta X that they were going live. They were finally doing their Christmas message to the fans. I clicked the bar to join and sat in the waiting room with the other Monbebes as more joined.

The guys came on and chaos ensued as always. Watching them made me happy. Seeing Minhyuk hurt, but it felt good to see them together. I couldn't even tell that there had been anything between Min and Kyun just a few hours ago.

Minhyuk looked tired, but good. He didn't look like he had earlier. I was thankful for that. We both were going to have to fake it for a while. Could I pull it off? I would have to figure out how. It was either that or go home and I wasn't ready to give it all up.

After their Live, they texted in our group chat for me to come and have dinner at Kihyun's. I debated whether I should go. I wanted to hide and lick my wounds, but that was not an option. If I didn't go, it would show I was a coward. I am not a coward. I won't back down when confronted. I had to go.

I changed into black leggings and a long sweater. I wanted to wear the one Min had given me, but this wasn't the right occasion. Or was it? It would show him... what would it show him? Would it show him I was clinging to a dream? Or would it drive a deeper wedge between us, reminding him of how things were? I opted to play it safe and wore a fuzzy gray cowl neck that hit mid-thigh. I wore black ankle boots to finish it off.

I had not taken off the group couple ring or the necklace that Kyun gave me. I twisted the ring on my finger and my mind tried to drift back to that week together. Yes, we spent most of it in bed, the sofa, the shower, the kitchen table, and even the floor, but we formed an emotional bond that was going to be difficult to break. Maybe even impossible. I had never felt this kind of connection with another person. That was why it hurt so bad.

I took a deep breath, brushed my hair, and put on some lip balm. I had put on makeup earlier and it still looked ok, so I didn't mess with it. I put a festive Christmas-themed harness and red leash on Jinki and we waited for them to come get me. This would be my first test.

I was deep in my thoughts again when the doorbell chimed. I jumped and then laughed at myself. I closed the carrier with my girl inside and went to the door. I peeked out just to make sure it was one of them and it was Changkyun. I opened the door, and he held out his hand.