Addicted To You

38 - Reckless

We were so busy working on the promotions for K-OS that the next couple of weeks flew by. They were in the studio recording the songs for the album. Their photoshoots and MV filming had been scheduled and we had finished getting all the venues, rooms, and travel booked. Things were a little rushed, but we managed to finish ahead of schedule. By the end of it all I was exhausted and I was so happy when Friday night came.

The guys wanted to take us all out to celebrate and blow off some steam. I just wanted to go to bed, but I couldn't say no. We went to eat and Kinhyun ordered a small feast and lots of alcohol. As usual, Min and I stuck with Coke, but everyone else drank. After we ate, we moved the party over to a noraebang. InHae, Naeun, JiHo, and MiKyung were among the ones who went with us, but many went home. The guys were not into the "drinking culture" that is so popular in Korea. It is considered rude to turn down a drink or to go home instead of going out.

Kyun had brought a couple of blankets and a strip of soundproofing foam to put over Jinki's carrier to give her a place to hide. They provided a buffer from the loud music and voices. She seemed pretty happy inside every time I went to check on her.

I joined in the fun and sang one of my favorite songs, Be Calm by Hwasa. I was nervous since the only person I had sung in front of in years was Hyungwon, but most everyone was well on their way to being drunk so they didn't care how they sounded, much less me.

The song suited my voice well so I loved singing it... when I was alone. I got tired of sounding out the words and knowing how badly I was messing them up, so I learned the romanized lyrics online. This was the first time I had sung it since I had learned Korean. I hadn't really thought about the translation until I was already singing.

Try covering the sky with your hand
Can you? oh no no no
When I'm lonely, tell me that it's alright
See if I really feel better, oh no no no
My eyes, my lips, my heart is telling me
But even when I'm sad, I don't know, oh not long
Actually, I feel calm
Actually, I feel calm
I feel calm, I feel calm baby
I feel calm baby
I feel calm, I feel calm
Maybe spring noticed, it's making the flowers bloom
At that place, I'm finding my way back to life again
I can't turn time back so it's ticking silently
Even when I let go of the people I love
Longing, emptiness and loneliness are growing
But I don't know why I feel sorrow
Help me to find my way
Actually, I feel calm
Actually, I feel calm
I feel calm, I feel calm baby
I feel calm baby
I feel calm, I feel calm

I tried not to look at Minhyuk while I sang. He was watching me, and Kyun was watching us both. I finished my song and they all loved it. The members were all shocked except Hyungwon who sat back grinning like a proud papa. He still hadn't told them I sang on his guide track.

InHae, Naeun, and JiHo were clapping like I had done a real performance, and MiKyung was scowling as usual. That girl just didn't smile. I couldn't remember seeing her genuinely smile, just forced fake smiles when needed.

Minhyuk came over and put his hand on my arm, "Noona, you have an amazing voice. Maybe we could sing together sometime." He smiled and turned away, leaving me wondering if there was a double meaning to his words or if I should take them at face value.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about the kiss. My emotions were on a roller coaster and I wanted them to get off the ride. I was happy that we were able to work together, but I was finding it hard to maintain the facade, but I had no choice.

Sometimes our hands would touch and I felt electricity. Sometimes our eyes would meet and it felt like a caress while other times it felt like needles in my heart. At times I didn't think I could handle it anymore, even laying in bed considering tucking my tail and running home. Somehow I kept going.