Addicted To You

20 - Hero

As promised, he stayed with me all night and we didn't leave my room the next day. We ordered room service and he had Jooheon bring him some clean clothes before breakfast arrived. Jooheon just grinned and hugged me when he dropped them off. He offered to watch Jinki for the day so that we could enjoy ourselves. I blushed but agreed.

We fed each other and acted like two teenagers on prom night. We eventually got around to the conversation I was dreading, but it had to happen.

"Noona, I..." he started to speak, but I wasn't ready to hear him say it so I cut him off and said what I knew he was thinking.

"Minmin, I am not delusional enough to think that this is anything we can continue once you go home. Two days is one thing, but... there's too many things... the fans, the distance, too many challenges." my voice trailed off as I had trouble saying the words. I was giving him an out. And trying to convince myself this was the best thing. He sighed and looked at my hand as he took it in his.

"Two days? I was thinking five. But yes, you are right," he replied. The pain hit my chest like a dodgeball. "Let's just enjoy each other now. For however long we can. I don't know how to protect you from all of that. I don't know how we could be together, but don't think I haven't thought about it. A lot." He looked at our hands as he rubbed his thumb across mine. I knew he didn't want to hurt me, but that didn't make the conversation any easier. I am a big girl, right? I knew this before we ever even kissed. I reminded myself. It didn't help at all.

"Protect me? From the fans or from getting hurt?" I scoffed. "I know the fans would not approve of me. I know the reality of this situation. I know it will end with pain. That's why I have tried not to get attached. I didn't want to care about you this much. But that didn't work, did it." I felt more anger towards the fandom in that moment than I ever had before. Why couldn't they accept that their idols were human and wanted the same things they did? They want love, they want families, they want to happiness. They want to live. The knife in my heart deepened. I felt betrayed by my fellow Monbebes.

"Noona, I wish there was another way. I care about you too. More than you know. The fans at home wouldn't approve of anyone, not just you. It wouldn't matter who you are. But besides that... my schedule is so busy. It would be near impossible to maintain any kind of meaningful long-distance relationship, however much I might want it. Even if... even if you were in Korea it would be very difficult." He finally looked at me. "And Noona, I do want it. You have no idea how much I want it." His eyes glistened. He took me into his arms and held me. We cried together and then fell asleep in each other's arms.

We awoke and made love again. We only left the bed to shower and eat. We cuddled together and watched an episode of the drama I had been watching. We made love again and again until he had to finally go back to his room the following morning. He went early before there was a lot of traffic in the hallway.

After he slipped out of my room to go back to his, I stood in the mirror and touched my swollen lips. Something was different. I looked the same... but different. I knew what it was. I could finally admit it to myself. I was in love with Minhyuk, and I wasn't ready to let him go. No, I wasn't ready at all. Damn it to hell.

During those five days, we only emerged from my room to swap over to his room and to eat with the other members who were in town, mostly to keep up appearances. Changkyun took over Jinki-sitting duty since Jooheon was with Oli and Esther. He brought her by every day so we could visit and then he took her back after dinner.

Somehow we never ran out of condoms. We never bought any, but they always magically appeared. I guess the members really did have his back.

One night it was just me, Changkyun, and Minhyuk hanging out. Changkyun came to my room while Min had gone to get changed. Kyun hugged me and kissed my forehead. He held the sides of my face as he looked at me.