Addicted To You

29 - Turbulence

InHae had finished all the alterations much more quickly than I expected and started the custom gown. I tried everything on once more to make sure. They were all perfect. Jooheon and Hyungwon had taken me shoe shopping and I found a pair for each gown. It felt like overkill, but Hyungwon assured me that people would notice if I wore the same shoes to each show. I rolled my eyes at him, but I bought them anyway. Well, they bought them.

They helped me pick out jewelry, tiny purses, and wraps. I also got a faux fur coat that I never wanted to take off. I could wear a coat more than once. It was freaking cold and my puffer coat was not quite the right style. I felt like it was all too expensive, so I argued with them for the first half hour, but I gave up when they bought the things anyway.

I caught the looks of people who recognized them as we walked around the stores. We were photographed a lot. There were squeals, giggles, pointing, and lots of gasps and low talking. I was able to understand more than I wanted to. My being out with the members on their own turf was not welcome by the fans.

I tried not to let it get to me. I was aware that KMBBs did not accept me the way the international fans did. I had largely been able to ignore it when we were home, but It still left a bitter taste in my mouth. I've been around the K-pop world long enough to expect it, but that didn't make it any easier to stomach. It also drove home why Minhyuk said we could not be together. That thought left a knot in the pit of my stomach.

I hadn't seen him much since the supply closet 'incident'. They had been practicing for their special performances coming up and he had been filming for a variety show with Hyungwon when they weren't in the practice room.

I waited for him to say something about what happened. I waited for him to make some kind of move, anything. He had made the first move that afternoon, so I felt he should be the first one to address it. He didn't. He just went on like it didn't happen and it was frustrating me to no end.

As amazing as those few moments had been, it couldn't happen again. We both knew it and that was why he had been acting that way. I tried to rationalize it, telling myself he was just protecting himself and his brothers. That only helped for a short time. My heart wasn't something that could be turned on and off like a light switch.

I had grown tired of the game. And I was pissed me off waiting for a text or call that was not going to come.

I texted him. I was too much of a coward to call him. I couldn't stand hearing his voice brushing me off again. I asked if we could have coffee, ice cream, or just meet and talk. I hated typing those words, they were so cringy, but there was no other way to say it.

He told me he would be home late but he would text me after he washed up and changed. I worried for a moment that we would be alone and I would have no defense against him if he made another move. I was not strong enough to resist him. I made up my mind to fight the temptation, should the occasion arise again. I would be friendly, I might even flirt if the mood struck-- if I wanted to torture him a little. I had to protect myself so I constructed a mental wall around my heart. It was the only way I could survive the next few weeks.

I was ready for bed and writing my next post with Jinki snuggled up beside me on the bed when his text came through. It was after 1 AM. I knew they kept crazy hours, so it was no shock. I replied that I would be over in a minute.

My heart was pounding as I put on my slippers, zipped up my hoodie, and walked next door. I had rehearsed what I wanted to say and felt like I could get it out. This is not what I wanted, but this is what had to happen. If we couldn't be together, then we couldn't be together.

I took a deep breath as I raised my hand to knock, but the door opened before I could. I forgot he could see me on the door camera and knew I was there already. I was not prepared for what I saw. He was wet, just out of the shower. He had a t-shirt and shorts on, but his hair was wet and he was drying it with a towel. He was bare-faced and sexy as fuck. He stepped back to let me inside but my feet would not move. He grinned and took my hand, pulling me inside. This was going to be much harder than I thought.