Addicted To You

33 - Mercy

We arrived at the venue and all eyes were on me as we walked the red carpet. Minhyuk and Changkyun were my escorts this time. Min had reclaimed his place beside me from Jooheon. I was just proud that I didn't trip.

They won several awards that night and I could not have been more proud. Their pre-recorded performance was incredible. I hadn't seen it yet, but it was their most recent B-side. I was as impressed as the audience.

While that video played, they were backstage changing into their outfits for the first song. When they appeared on stage my heart stopped. They exuded sexiness and power. I could not look away as they performed their latest title track, Eye For An Eye. It was another Jooheon track. It had a similar feel to Gambler, but harder. Their dance moves were sensual and strong. I had seen this song performed live at every concert during the tour, but it never got less exciting.

They disappeared to change back into their suits for the next song. They said this one would be a surprise. It was an older song that Kyunnie had written. I was excited.

The stage lights were dark as we watched a short video that sped through their songs, achievements, and awards. When it ended, the lights came up slowly on them. They were on stools and the lighting added a noir effect to the scene. Min had his tie undone again and his shirt partially unbuttoned and untucked, giving him a disheveled look. I hadn't noticed, but the others were like that as well. It was obviously the concept for this song.

The music began and I realized the song was "Deny". It was one of my favorites but I didn't know why they had chosen it since they had many newer songs to choose from. I didn't question it. I just sat back in my seat and enjoyed it. At first.

As they sang, Minhyuk kept looking at me. He usually looks at the audience and the camera, but that night his eyes didn't leave me.

Every place where I go
Can't stop this feeling
Even though I pretend it's nothing

His lines began to hit me hard. Then he kept looking directly at me during Kihyun and Jooheon's parts.

It's always you, full of you
Maybe you're not, maybe, maybe you're not
Even if you don't feel the same
I can't escape you
Do you love me?
Maybe you're not, maybe, maybe you're not
Even tho' you hate me, baby
Can't take my eyes off you, baby

Something broke inside me and I felt sick. He made his choice. Why did he have to keep reminding me that I can't have him? I couldn't pretend anymore there was nothing between us. I had made a mistake. I couldn't handle this. I should not have come here.

I also could not leave my seat during the song or there would definitely be a scandal. I held off until the end of the song and then got up as quickly and nonchalantly as possible and made my way to the side entrance to the stage. Security knew I was cleared and let me in. I hoped that to anyone watching, it just looked like I was going backstage to meet them.

As soon as I was clear and the doors were closed, I spotted the nearest bathroom and almost ran inside. I closed the door to the stall and tried to get a grip on my emotions. I felt pain, anger, longing, and so many other feelings that I couldn't name. This would have been an appropriate time to cry, but it didn't happen.

I didn't understand what was happening, why he had been so focused on me all night. It was exactly the opposite of how we were supposed to be behaving.

I heard the door opening and forced myself to be quiet. There were two voices and then I heard two stall doors close. The conversation continued over the stalls.

I quickly touched up with some face powder and reapplied my lipstick. I double-checked that I looked okay-ish and left the bathroom just as the first stall opened. I was out the door before anyone could see me.