Standing in your way

Chapter 1

"Ok Helena, calm down" I was whispering to myself in front of the bathroom mirror trying to calm down before passing out due to anxiety.

I'm in Berlin, more precisely at the audition for the orchestra conducted by Tár. I am a violinist, i've been playing the violin for 19 years, now i am 26 so i can say that i have a lot of experience and enough ability to get the place in the most popular orchestra in all Europe. The only real problem is the maestro, Lydia Tár. 
I heard a lot of rumors about her, that she is grumpy, cold, even a bitch and mainly that she demands a lot from the members of the orchestra.

I don't really care about her behavior, she can treat me as bad as she wants, the fact that scare me it's her pretentiousness, her strict rules, what if i'm not enough for her?

"I have to stop saying these bullshits" i gave one last look to the mirror and then made my way out the bathroom since it's time for the audition, i see that there are a lot of people here trying to get the place. 

"Ladies and gentlemen the audition begins now, i will call each of you by name when it's your turn" a female figure comes out the door and looks around the room gaving each person a little smile of encouragement. She looks young,a maybe my age or in her early 30. 
I took out my notebook where i keep the score and start wandering my eyes around it, not really reading anything, then after only 5 minutes i hear my name being called. 

"Helena Benedetto" I get up and follow the girl who takes me onto the stage where only a chair is positioned in the center with a lecter in front of it. The curtains are drawn but not all the way down, i think they can see my shoes on the other side thank god i chose the nicest pair of shoes i had. 

Whit sweaty hands I pick up my score and place it on the lectern, then i pick up my violin. I position myself, close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm my nervousness, then i start. I slowly move the bow starting a sweet melody and gradually i increase the speed. As i play the score i think about the person who inspired me to write this, which is my girlfriend Abigail. 
We have been together for two years now, i love her so much to the point that i thought i found my soulmate, or at least I thought so. In the last few months i see how our relationship is slowly falling apart: we see eachother only for dinner at our home, and sometimes she dosen't even come back for dinner, and we only share a few words. She always tells me that she is busy with work or she is too tired to talk to me, and then goes straight to bed, while i think to myself what has changed between us. The fact that she might have someone else has crossed my mind several times, also due to the fact that our intimate time as a couple is pratically non existent, the last time that we had sex was almost a month ago. 

While i think about all this I realize that I've finished my performance. Quickly i pick up all mi things as i see that the girl is waiting for me, i get up and go to her 

"Congratulations, you did really well" she say to me with a gentle smile as we approach the exit "thank you" I reply feeling myself blush because of the compliment. I make my way out the building and when i reach the exit i take a deep breath of fresh air and smile to myself.

"fuck yes!" I whisper to myself, I am really proud i did really good i absolutely deserve a treat! I take my phone out of the pockets of my jacket and call my girlfriend. She dosen't picks up, as always. Then i decide to call my mom 

"Hello?" she replied immediately

"Hi mom it's me, i just finished the audition"

"Oh really? How did it go?" She says excitedly

"Really well mom! I am very happy"

"That's good sweetheart! Do you know the results?"

"Not yet, but when i do i will call you ok?" I say as i look around the street to the people passing

"Ok dear, i will wait with anxiety!"

"Okay mom, now i have to go"

"Goodbye!"

"Bye, love you" I end the call. I don't know what to do right now, i think that i will just go to get a coffee as a treat and then i'll return home. 

I get in my car and drive to my favourite cafè, they really make some good coffee and that's what i need right now. I get in, order and then sit at a table while scrolling on tiktok as i wait for my coffee. 

"Helena is that you?" a voice speaks to me, i look up and see Harold who was originally a friend only of Abigail but is now also my friend

"Hey Harold! What are you doing here? You don't have to work?" Him and Abigail work together for a real estate agents, and since my girlfriend is now at work I thought he should be too

"No, this week the company is closed due to some problems so the boss made us stay at home, didn't Abigail tell you?" He says as he sits down at my table. I feel my stomach closing, if she isn't at work where is she now? 

"Oh yes yes now i remember, i forgot she's at home you know how it is, i have a lot on my mind these days" i say as i put on a fake smile for not let him guess the reality

"Yeah i understand you really well, and oh i was almost forgotting, how did the audition went?" 

"Well, really well, i don't know yet the results but I'm happy anyway" 

"That's amazing! If you get in we will throw a party to celebrate!" we laugh together

"Oh that's no need!" i say as the waiter put my drink on the table.

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"Abby?" I call out for my girlfriend while i close the door behind me, i thought that maybe she left this morning to get some groceries, but right now she still wasn't at home as if she was at work. I sigh and take off my shoes, i take my phone and check if she tried to recall me no missed calls.

"Great" i murmur. I go to our bedroom and strip out of my clothes, i put on more comfy clothes and then i lay on the bed trying to get some sleep since I wasn't able to sleep much last night. 

Barely five minutes later the phone ring. "For fuck sake" i reach out for my phone on the nightstand whit my eyes still closed. I look at the unkown number

"Hello?" 

"Is this Helena Benedetto?" my heartbeat increase as i understand the meaning of this call

"Yes it's me"

"Good, we call you from the Berlin Philharmoniker, congratulations you won the audition"

"Oh my god really?" I am in shock right now

"Yes, come tomorrow at 9 am to meet the maestro, she has booked a interview with you, she wants yo know you before, then you'll meet all the orchestra memeber" 

"Thank you so much"

"Good evening miss"

"Good evening" I stare at my phone not believing what i just heard, i was really picked in the orchestra of Lydia Tár?!

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Hi guys! This is my first story, hope you like it!
And also, i will try to update everyday or every two days<3