Standing in your way

Chapter 27

There are only two weeks until Christmas.

I have to organize myself to get back to my parents, not that we're far away, but in any case I have to take a few hours by train. I called my mother first and told her that I will arrive on December 23rd and then I don't know when I will leave but probably early January.It's good to feel the warmth of home every now and then

As for my life lately, it's normal.It's been about two weeks since our first time and let's say that Lydia and I started a fuck friendship, like we only see each other for that: after rehearsals in her office or at my or her house.

Even though she still doesn't want to be touched by me, I don't know why. I would like to talk to establish boundaries and agreements between us and above all to establish what we are, because at least on my part, I feel a sense of attachment towards her.
For me she is really important

I think I'll do it today after rehearsal, so I open my phone and text her

"Lydia can we talk today after rehearsal?" I ask her, immediately I see the three dots appear

"Sure" she replies, I close the phone and put it in my pocket.It's really cold this morning, in fact I think I'm about to get sick. I arrive in the rehearsal room and put down my things, I talk to Kristine for a while and then I see Lydia come out.
Francesca approaches her and motions for her to leave the room

"I'll be right there, in the meantime start getting ready" she looks at us all and then they leave the room. While I prepare my violin I feel a strange sensation

"Hell no" I say, Kristine looks at me

"What happens?" she asks me, I exhale

"Maybe my period has arrived, wait I'm going to the bathroom" I take my bag and go out the back door. As soon as I close the door behind me I hear their voices, they are nearby.

I know you shouldn't listen to other people's conversations, but the curiosity is too much, so I stay there and listen

"Great, so I tell them Thursday night?" asks Francesca

"No, I have things to do Thursday night" Lydia replies

"What do you have to do?"

"A date with Therese" Lydia replies, I frown, who is Therese?

"Uhh I see, how long has it been since you saw each other?" asks Francesca

"Last week was the last time, at her house" says Lydia, Francesca laughs

"You always come back to her huh? But does Helena know?"

"No, why should she"

"I don't know"

"We're just fuck buddies" Lydia replies, ok this hurts me a little 

"Well with Therese it's the same thing, isn't it?" says Francesca

"Of course not, I care about her, Helena is just a closer pastime" my mouth drops, I feel my breath getting stuck in my throat, I immediately head towards the bathroom.
I quickly enter and sit on the toilet with my head in my hands.

I'm just a pastime, an object, I'm the second choice again.

I try to calm down by breathing deeply, but I can't, I feel like I have to vomit.I lift the toilet and vomit all my breakfast, remaining bent over the toilet for a few minutes.

I get up and clean my face and mouth with water, I look at myself in the mirror to fix myself and put on a false smile, to pretend nothing happened, even if even the smallest certainty has broken inside me.I enter the rehearsal room
"Oh there you are, get into position" Lydia says as soon as she sees me enter, I don't even look at her face and I position myself, nodding my head to let her know that I'm ready.

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I don't even want to talk to her anymore today, so I decide to just walk out the door, she'll understand by herself that I don't want to talk to her

"Helena" calls me, I stop in place and turn around

"Mh?" I do to her, she apologizes to Francesca and comes closer to me

"Didn't you want to talk to me?" she asks me, putting a hand on my forearm, I move away pretending to fix my hair

"Not anymore" I say smiling at her, fake smile, she looks at me confused

"Why?" she asks me, still holding my forearm, she's starting to annoy me. I exhale and look around, then look into her eyes

"I solved it, now please, I have to go" I free myself from her grip and quickly head towards the door.I swallow the lump in my throat I open the car with the key and hear footsteps approaching, without even turning around I already know who it is

"What do you want" I ask her, she stops

"What's happening? You're strange today" she tells me, this time it doesn't affect me. I leave my things on the passenger seat and sit in mine, looking up at her

"It must be my period, I think" I say, grabbing the door to close it, but she stops it with her hand, leaning towards me

"I'm not letting you leave like this, just know that. Tell me what's happening" she asks me seriously, I put my hand on my face trying to stop the tears as her words echo in my mind

"Go away, please" my voice comes out cracked, very well.She lowers herself to my level and places her hand on my thigh

"Helena you're making me worry now" I burst out laughing

"Worry? Really? Fuck you" I remove her hand from the door with force and close it, I quickly start the car and leave for home. Tears flow down my cheeks nonstop.

Lydia's pov:

She yanks me away and leaves me in the parking lot without an explanation, what's going on?

I return to Franesca and see her sitting on her desk

"So? Have you talked?" she asks me, I sit on the chair next to her

"No, she told me fuck off and left" I say shaking my head in disbelief, Francesca looks at me perplexed

"What? And why on earth?" she asks me, moving away from her computer to turn towards me entirely, I put a hand in front of my mouth

"I don't know, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with her" I jump up and look out the window, I see Francesca's reflection

"Talk to her, Lydia" she tells me

"If it were easy, she always acts like a child, she's starting to piss me off again" I exhale and stop

"That's why I prefer Therese, she's mature and doesn't act like a child. If Helena wants to treat me badly and be a child, perfect, she's done with me" I say furiously as I head to the door of my office, I need to be alone

"Lydia, what are you talking about" says Francesca, getting up

"The truth Francesca, I can't stand Helena anymore, on other occasions it has happened that she answered me badly and left me like this without an explanation, I don't fit in a relationship with a person like that" I spit out acidly, she looks at me with almost wide eyes

"Lydia you will hurt her" she tells me calmly, I shake my head

"So what? I don't give a damn about her" I tell her laughing and shrugging my shoulders, then I open the door to my office and slam it shut.

I dial Therese's number on my phone to tell her to see us again this evening, I have to get my head away from this situation.