Standing in your way

Chapter 24

A/N:Hello everyone! I want to warn you that in this chapter there will be scenes that mention eating disorders. I will put a TW at the beginning of the scenes and asterisks indicating the beginning and end of them.Obviously you can skip them, they are not necessary.

Thank you very much and stay safe<3

"Well they look good" I say looking at the packet of biscuits in my hand. I decided to go and do some shopping this morning because a lot of things are missing at home.

I'm undecided whether to get the milk or dark chocolate chip cookies...

However, a few days have passed since Lydia and I kissed in her office, and from there after every rehearsal we always find time to make out, in her office, in the bathrooms or even in her car. We never got to the point of having sex, we just teased each other and I can say that I fucking love it.

Every now and then the words of that woman, I think her name is Anne, come back to me but let's say I've put my soul at peace with the fact that for Lydia I'm just a person to fuck with, nothing more. Not that I actually wish there was something more between us, it's just physical attraction. I go to the register to pay, I finally chose the milk chocolate biscuits, and my phone rings. It's Lydia

"Hello?" I reply putting the groceries on the register

"Hi, what are you doing?" she asks me

"Uhm I'm paying for the groceries, actually can I call you back in a moment?"

"Of course"

"Thanks" she ends the call and I pay for the groceries, take the bags and wait to get to the car before calling Lydia back.I take my phone out of my pocket and dial her number

"Hello again" she replies, I laugh looking out of the window at the people in the parking lot

"Hello you" I put on speakerphone 

"So, I wanted to ask you if you have anything to do this evening" hm interesting

"No why?" I reply putting my seatbelt on and ready to leave and go home

"Good, how about we go out to dinner?" a smile forms on my face

"Of course!" I reply happily, I hear her laughing at my reaction

"Then I'll pick you up at 8, see you later" she doesn't wait for me to say hello and ends the call.I heard from the tone of her voice that she was happy too. I look at my phone and see it's 11 am, good.

I start the car and drive home, this afternoon I decided to start going to the gym again.Honestly, this scares me a little.

*TW
Lately I haven't been having a very good relationship with food, I thought I had left these problems behind but it seems that this isn't the case.
 There isn't a mirror I walk past where I don't look at my reflection and which most of the time I'm disgusted by. I try to push these thoughts away and think of something to eat. I go into the house, put away the groceries and then open the fridge. Let's say that the things are not missing, what is missing is the strength to face another meal.I decide to cook myself a plate of pasta with tomatoes, so I take the ingredients

Looking at the plate of spaghetti in front of me, I sigh to calm myself. I take the computer to watch something since it helps me eat, but my mind is already thinking about this evening: I have to decide what to wear, how to put on makeup, shave and especially down there...
oh God, so many things to do.

I find myself staring at the plate moving the pasta with the fork but without actually taking any bite, after a while I let the fork fall on the table

If you want to go to the gym you have to have energy Helena, don't fall back into the mistakes of the past, don't let the illness take away what is dearest to you again.

I feel a tear rolling down my cheek as I stare at the photo on the table next to the TV, a photo of me swimming. Swimming has always been my favorite sport, my second home, but which unfortunately I had to leave years ago due to my eating disorder.I didn't even have the strength to stand up anymore.
I remember very well the look on my mother's face when the doctor told her that I might not be able to make it through the night.I dry my tear and take a deep breath, I pick up the fork again and eat a few bites, but after a while I leave the fork again

"Fuck it" I get up and take the plate, I open the garbage can and throw away all the pasta I had cooked, I put the plate on the sink and I sit on the floor breaking down in tears feeling a panic attack coming on

"Calm down, calm down" I try to think of my mother, of how she caressed me, of how she held me in these situations.
 I close my eyes for a few minutes until my breathing returns to normal and my heart rate slows
*
---------------------------------------------------

I was in the gym for about two hours. I started slowly by doing some exercises that I remembered, next time I have to bring a card with all the exercises to do or get a personal trainer.

I haven't decided what to wear this evening yet. I don't know whether to go with trousers or a dress, but more likely I'll wear trousers because I've always worn a dress the previous times.

With my hair still dripping with water I open the wardrobe and a long, dark red skirt catches my eye.
It was made of a light fabric, almost tulle, perhaps a little too cold for this evening but okay.I'm looking for a t-shirt to wear over it and I find a black V-neck one with long sleeves, perfect match. For shoes, obviously black heels.I start getting ready and wait for Lydia to arrive.

"I'm here" the phone screen lights up, it's a message from her warning me. I quickly grab my coat and walk past the mirror looking at myself, I look nice.

I open the door and find her car parked perfectly in front, her windows are tinted so it looks like she's a secret agent. I smile at the thoughtI hear the door open as I get closer and I see her blonde hair peeking out, she walks over to the passenger side door

"Good evening beauty" her eyes linger on my body and mine do the same admiring the goddess in front of me. We remain silent for a few good seconds

"Good evening" I break the silence, she seems to reconnect and smiles at me, opens the door and lets me in

"So, what's the destination?" I ask her, putting on my seatbelt, she starts driving

"Wait and see" she replies without paying attention to me, I roll my eyes without her seeing me. Her hand gripping the steering wheel tightly making her veins pop out even more it's driving me crazy. Her eyes rest on me for a second and, noticing that I was staring at her hands, she starts laughing.
 I look out the window trying to hide the blush on my cheeks from embarrassment and excitement.

"Can I put on some music?" I ask her, opening my phone

"Do whatever" she tells me, I open Spotify and connect my phone to her car, then scroll through the songs. There's a song I heard when I went to the club a little while ago, if I remember correctly it's called L.E.S. by Childish Gambino. I click on that song

What I like most is the rhythm, I start singing it softly by moving my body slightly, she seems to have noticed it as her eyes are narrow and alternate between me and the road in front of us

"I know it's not the kind of music you're used to" she bursts out laughing and I do the same, tapping lightly with my hand on the window to the rhythm of the song

"If you like it then it's perfectly fine for me" she looks at me and smiles, I do the same, blushing a little at the attention and kindness that are not usual from her.

I hum the song by moving my body even more on the seat, maybe I even do it on purpose.

"You move well I see" she says as she parks, I didn't even notice we arrived

"Well yes I would say so" I unbuckle my belt, she does the same coming closer to my ear"Don't worry darling, tonight you'll see how you'll move this pretty little body of yours" I froze in place, I open my mouth to speak but not even a word comes out.

The wetness between my legs is already starting to make itself felt and we are only at the beginning of the evening.
Meanwhile she came to my side and opened the door for me

"Thank you" I get out of the car and she closes it, she cups my cheecks and gives me a little peck on the lips

"Let's go in"