Red Vs Blue Book of One-Shots

It's a small world (AU)

(A small sequel to "I'm more of a cat person")

Tucker was excited like a kid durning December holidays. His heart was beating faster than Junior's at this point, and the bird seemed to notice it.

"Tuckie?" It squeaked, still not being able to say 'Tucker'.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, just really nervous cause this is the first fancy place we're gonna eat at together, and yeah we've been to nice places, but I really, really like him and I don't want to mess this up and-"

The bird was giving him a glare.

"Shut up, you're in love with the Scarlet Macaw across the street."

The bird tilted his head in confusion.

"You remember Santa?"

The bird seemed embarrassed, and hissed.

"Okay, okay geez... It's just... I really like Wash."

The bird's gaze actually
softened, and rubbed its beak against Tucker's cheek affectionately.

"I know, I know, this isn't a chick-flick."

Or was it?

At that moment, the bell rung, and both Junior and Tucker jumped. He took a deep breath, put Junior back in his cage, and opened the door. He was expecting Wash, but instead was met with Wash completely out of breath, as if he had been-

"Are you being chased?"

Wash shook his head, unable to talk.

"Are you running from social confrontation?"

This time he nodded.

Tucker grabbed his sleeve and tugged him inside, locking the door behind him.

"What is it?"

"You remember... Locus?" Wash asked warily.

Locus was Wash's Ex, Tucker knew that, but he didn't know why he'd be here.

"He lives next-door to you." Wash stated.

Oh.

Whoops.

"Oh... Um..." Tucker didn't exactly know what to say. Was Locus scarring or something? Did he... Hurt Wash? Oh, if he did I'm gonna kick his-

"He's not... You know, evil, just... He's changed." Wash casually said. Tucker looked for traces of lying, but there wasn't any.

"Do you need a box to hide under, snake?" Tucker joked.

"I... I don't get the reference?" Wash asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What?! Dude, when's the last time you've played a video game?" Tucker asked, shocked.

"... Um... Never?"

"... I'm changing that."

"Ugh, fine."

"Alrighty... Ready to go?"

"Absolutely."

~~~~~

The dinner was amazing. Tucker tried his best not to crack jokes the whole time, but was still his normal random self. Wash promised himself to be less... Wash.

In the end, the date was not a complete failure, but a complete success. Tucker: One, Voice in his head: Zero. Aw yeah.

On the way back, the two were discussing movies, or more like friendly arguing about it.

"The Matrix isn't real, Tucker."

"Just think about it! All of this around you is fake, and then these weird agent alien things are running off of our mind powers!" Tucker ranted.

"If it was, then someone would've noticed."

"Neo noticed?"

"No, Morpheus did. Neo was a complaining hero."

"True that, the guy needs to grow a- Wash what are you doing?"

Wash had completely stopped, and was staring across the street. Tucker followed his line of vision with his own, and saw something... Wait, what?

Felix was across the diner, and seemed to be going on a date with another guy. It didn't phase Tucker at all, the guy was an ass, but how did Wash know what he looked like?

"Wash?-"

"See the guy in the green shirt?" Wash asked.

"Yeah, but-"

"That's Locus."

Tucker tried not to laugh, he really did, but he lost it.

Felix was dating Locus.

Their Exes were dating.

"Well, Wash, I guess horrible people are meant for eachother."

Wash was completely lost and confused.

"See the guy in the orange shirt? That's Felix."

The two laughed until they were nearly in tears, and then continued to place bets on how long they were dating.

"It's a small world after all." Tucker stated on their way back home.

"Small world or not, that was the second best thing I've seen all day."

"Oh god, here comes the cheesy pick-up line. I'm not ready."

"Nah, you first. You promised you wouldn't joke at the restaurant." Wash complied.

"Hey baby, are you a software update? Cause not now."

"Ouch."

"You know I still love you. Now your turn."

"Is your face against protocol? Because it should be."

"Is that an insult or a compliment."

"Both."

"Huh. I like it."