Red Vs Blue Book of One-Shots

Rock the boat

Simmons never liked boats.

Fuckin' water and shit everywhere, not to consider being forced to sit down during a long journey. Now, add a crowd to all of that and you have a cruise ship.

Simmon's worst nightmares.

Grif was actually eager, however. Not only did he win the tickets on the boat, but the tickets included free food and free room service.

So yes, Grif was excited, maybe a little more than that, but his worry for Simmons was still there.

"You know, if you get sick, I have the seabands and patches you can try." Grif suggested

"I know, I know, but that doesn't mean I won't feel waves constantly crashing against the boat."

"I'm from Hawaii dude, I'm not used to huge boats. But hey, you know what they say about huge-"

"Just get on the damn boat." Simmons muttered.

The argument didn't necessarily stop there, but there was a pause in the conversation.

While going through customs and hurriedly packing passports back in bags, they boarded the docked ship. Things were about to get...

Rocky.

Grif has already tracked down the free soft-serve machine and choose to stand by that for a while. Ya know... to make sure it doesn't break. After having too many cones, he started to waddle back to his room to finally finish unpacking. Simmons was probably done by now and mad that Grif wasn't.

However, when he opened the door, he noticed Simmons hadn't even begun to pack. The suitcase was half unzipped and besides that the room was untouched.

Then he heard Simmons vomit in the bathroom.

Off to a great start, no?

So Grif grabbed the seasick patches and open the door to see Simmons hunched over the toilet, and somehow even paler than his former self.

"Wow, you don't look good at all. After your stomach calm down I'll get you some crackers or something to eat. For now, put these on." Grif offered.

Simmons shook his head, and replied: "I already did."

Looking at the pale man's neck, he saw that there were in fact two patches, but further down his neck than they were supposed to be. Grif ripped them off and applied the new ones and stood up.

"That should start working some relief in about ten minutes, so I'm going to grab you a snack real quick."

Grif hadn't even noticed that the shop moved until Simmons was sick, he was just that used to boats. Walking back to the buffet, he grabbed a small box of Cheerios and some crackers as well for Simmons.

And he may have stopped by the soft serve machine again.

Walking back to the room, Simmons was still by the toilet but had not thrown up since he left, so the patches were obviously working.

"Alright, try the Cheerios first, and I'll get you some water, okay?"

"I'm good, I've lost my appetite..."

"You gotta eat something dude. Just try it, once you start you'll feel better."

"Is that was you say to yourself about your eating habits?" Simmons retorted.

"Yes actually." Grif answered, content with his own reply.

Later that night, the two got dressed up, went to a lovely dinner with surprisingly good food, and decided to check out some of the events taking place in the ship.

One of which was titled: "Love and marriage", similar to the newlywed game.

Three couples were chosen: honeymooning, in between, and longest marriage. They asked each person three questions, and the other in the couple had to match answers.

It sounded cheesy, but Simmons insisted, so the two went.

After siting in the audience, the light instantly went off and they kicked it off with picking the eldest couple, which was together for around 64 years.

The honeymooners and gotten married on the ship, and were called out by the announcer himself.

And when they called for something inbetween, Grif stood up and embarrassed the shit out of Simmons.

"Grif! What the fuck?"

"You know too much about me and I hate it. Vise versa. Let's put that knowledge to use!"

"I fucking hate you."

"That's the spirit-"

"You sir!" The announcer point directly at Grif, and Simmons felt like his life was over.

"We've been married for about 10 years." Grif answered.

The man gestured them to come on stands, and Simmons felt his life flash before his eyes.

Of course, he wasn't dying. Instead, he threw up in front of a large audience.

That was the moment they decided never to go on a cruise again.

(HEY GUYS SORRY IM DEAD I THINK I HAVE A NEW BOOK COMING OUT MAYBE I DONNO IF YOU GUYS WILL LIKE IT

IVE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH YOUR COMMENTS I LOVE YOU ALL)