Red Vs Blue Book of One-Shots

ILL GIVE YOU PART 2 GEEZ (Gym thingy)

It was supposed to be a nice, lovely date with a hot guy. Oh yeah, and Wash was there too.

Tucker was ready for something besides military training and workouts and military training. Did I mention military training yet?

Burpee's? More like burgers. Aw yeah. 

Wash had invited Tucker to a smart casual-like restaurant where the best known for burgers that'll make you have three heart attacks and a tastebuds orgasm.

AW YEAH.

So when Tucker walked up to the door around five minutes early, he wasn't embarrassed to say he was excited. Not only is the food awesome, and the restaurant upper class, but he finally got to know the extraterrestrial that is David Washington.

Sadly the man was not early. Which is strange.

Because he's an uptight bossy agent man who has nothing better to do.

So Tucker waited for five minutes and then decided to call.

It went instantly to voicemail, meaning his phone was turned off or something.

It's cool dude, he's not gonna stand you up. You see him, like, every day.

After two minutes, a waitress came out calling for a party of two with the last names "Tucker and Washington".

Fuck, maybe he was gonna stand him up.

Tucker called him one more time to be given another robot voice, and then he stormed away from the restaurant.

So much for a nice date. Fuck man, those burgers would've been awesome too.

As Tucker drove home, he refused to acknowledge any grief over not being able to meet Wash as an actual person who wasn't out of breath.

Doesn't matter anyway, right? He stood you up. He didn't deserve to talk to such a handsome young man anyway.

Take that, Agent.

Tucker sighed at the internal conflicts in his head as he opened his front door. He walked over to the couch and plopped down groggily.

Life sucks man.

Tucker simply just took the fetal position and fell asleep with a mixture of hatred and sadness in mind.

That was until his phone rudely woke him up.

"This is Tucker speaking, how may I fuck you?" He answered, annoyed.

"Tucker! Thank god!" Wash's voice cried in relief through the other end.

"Oh. It's you... Well bye-"

"Tucker wait! Let me explain: I was working at the gym today and then some kid with asthma had an attack and long story short I had to rush with him to the hospital."

"Whoa whoa whoa, don't tell me that nerd is Simmons in that hospital bed!"

"Uhhh... You know him?"

~~~~~

"Grif, your freckles skinny ass boyfriend will be fine, stop pacing." Tucker complained.

"Get fucked, Tucker."

"Well I was going to- Ow!" Tucker yelped as Wash smacked his arm.

"Take that, bitch!" Grif called.

"Ugh, whatever, just stop worrying. He'll be fine, even he doctors aren't worried."

Grif only responded with incoherent minkes and a slight nod of agreement afterward. Waiting for Simmons took forever, and it wasn't fun.

Well, at first. Tucker managed to whip up some last minute sleepover-games.

"Okay, so in paranoia, you whisper a question to the person next to you. They say the answer out loud. When we flip a coin and it's tails, they don't have to say the question. If it's heads, they have to say the question and why the picked the answer. I'll go first as an example."

Tucker leaned over to Grif and whispered something in his ear. Grif though about it, then narrowed his vision on Wash.

"Why are you looking at me like that...?" Wash asked nervously.

"Wash's arm."

"Don't take my fucking arm off you prick!"

"You can't prove that I took it!" Grif called out.

Let me flip the coin, Christ!" Tucker called. The quarter flipped through the air and landed on tails, so Grif could continue with asking Wash a question.

Whispers where mumbled, and Wash practically growled.

"That has got to be the most cheatsy question in this entire game's existence."

"First of all, cheatsy isn't an adjective. Second of all, fuck you. Answer." Grif defended.

"Ugh... Tucker."

Tucker smirked and flipped the coin.

"Heads! Now answer for your crimes!"

Wash opened his mouth to explain, but in came Simmons, high on pain medication and tripping over everything with his nightgown.

"Guys... I think... I'm a high schooler again... So many... Colors..."

"O-kayyy, time for bed, little guy." Grif picked up Simmons and dragged him back to bed, while Tucker and Wash packed up to head home.

In a comfortable silence, they walked out of the hospital and walked the sidewalk, side by side.

"So, what was the question?" Tucker asked.

"Who would you kill on a first date."

"... The fuck dude! I thought it was gonna be, I donno, romantic?!"

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding! It was who would you take on a date, idiot!"

"Shut up, loser." Tucker mumbled as he stepped a bit closer to Wash, intertwining their hands together.

It was all so romantic and perfect.

Until their stomachs growled.