Red Vs Blue Book of One-Shots

Secret Agents of Love

Paloma knew that there was something wrong. He felt it in his horrible sensible gut.

The missions, the endless training, and finally, he had 'rescued' Wash. Then, all of the sudden, he was happy. Tucker had never smiled while just the other captains were here, but now, he was giggling all over the place, teasing other people and saying that stupid catchphrase.

But... It was like that was supposed to be Tucker all along.

This seemed natural. Just. Right.

But... Why?

It didn't click at first, and Palomo never thought it would. That is, until he was sitting with his group. Bitters, Matthews, Andersmith and Jensen. At this point, he and Katie were dating, and everything made sense. Then, as they were eating in the mess hall, one question put everything in place.

"What's up with Wash and Tucker?" Matthews asked.

Everyone stared at him blankly, waiting for an explanation.

"It's weird. Like, when Wash gets moody, Tucker is moody, and when Wash is 'happy', Tucker is his usual self. From what I've heard, they hated each other's guts, so... Why do I see differently?"

The group was left to ponder, and as Jensen was about to say 'forget about it,' Palomo jumped up from his seat.

"Holy shit!" He whisper-yelled, his hands resting on the top of his head.

"Um... What?" Bitters asked.

"That- that explains what Grif and Simmons were talking about!"

"... Again, what?"

"Listen," Palomo started, "Grif and Simmons were talking about a secret relationship, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Andersmith recalled, "They saw us listening and told us that if we talked about it ever again then we wouldn't be able to see our future children."

"Exactly! Don't you get it?!" Palomo screeched.

Blank stares were collected from all angles.

"The couple is Tucker and Wash!"

The group exchanged looks.

"Bullshit." Claimed Bitters.

"Did you steal my data pad again?" Accused Jensen.

"Wh- no, I didn't read your fanfiction! Just- ugh," Palomo sighed as he pushed the cafeteria trays out of the way.

"Look at it this way:"

Palomo grabbed a small bowl with disgusting, gray-colored applesauce, and put his teal-colored lunch card by it.

"This is Tucker and Wash."

He also grabbed a tomato and a sugar cookie.

"This is Simmons and Grif. So, we've known that Grif and Simmons are dating, due to a... Um... Recon mission. A very, very scarring Recon mission. Uh- anyway, that still doesn't explain the whole rescue thing!" Palomo explained enthusiastically.

"What recuse thing?" Questioned Matthews.

"Well, Caboose said that they were going after the other team because there was a 'secret relationship', remember?"

"Yeah," Bitters answered, "That's Grif and Simmons."

"Grif and Simmons were already here together. They were both captains!"

"... Oh..." Jensen realized, putting the puzzle in place.

"They've told us already!" Palomo continued, "They hate Sarge and Donut, so why go back and help? And that would explain why Tucker was so moody all the time!"

"And that would explain why Caboose was worried! Because it was his only two teammates!" Andersmith added.

The group stared at eachother in shock.

They did it. They figured out the relationship mystery.

~~~~~

"Hey, Wash?" Tucker called, searching through messy drawers in the small, Rebel base bedroom.

"Ugh, what now?" The freelancer called back.

"Have you seen my energy sword?"

"No, I haven't seen it. But you also don't need it. It's your day off."

"But... I need it!"

"You do not need your energy sword."

"Fine, but where is it?"

"Hidden." Wash said smugly.

"Hidden? Bitch, I will fight you. Gimmie my sword." Tucker said sassily.

"No, you need to learn how to back off. It's everyone's off day, not just yours, so... Don't screw it up."

"I'll screw yours up- Bow Chicka Bow Wow- if you don't give me my sword!" Tucker replied.

"I hate you so much." Wash growled.

Tucker was about to do that stupid remark, but a furious knock on the door followed by shouted whispers made them quiet. Tucker curiously opened the door to find the Privates standing at their door and arguing.

"Uh, can I help you? It's your day off." Tucker started.

"Oh, hello sir! How are... You?" Palomo replied, unsure of himself.

"Alright, cut it. What do you want?"

"Hmm," Jensen mused, "How do we put this politely-"

"Are you and Wash banging?" Bitters asked without hesitation.

Wash choked on air and embarrassment in the next room.

Bow Chicka Bow Wow.

"Why exactly do you need to know?" Tucker asked.

"Well," Andersmith started, "We really don't, but-"

"FOR SCIENCE!" Jensen interrupted.

Tucker glanced at all of the troops outside the door and glanced back inside.

"What was the question again?" Tucker questioned, trying to get a way of of it.

"Are you banging the bossy 60's Spider-Man guy who's currently your roommate?!" Matthews yelled impatiently.

Tucker smirked, and winked.

"Only on off days."

He then continued to slam the door in the other troops' faces.