Red Vs Blue Book of One-Shots

I'm more of a cat person (AU)

Wash knew from the second that they started dating, Tucker would want Wash to meet his parrot, Junior. Junior was like a kid to him, although Tucker would never admit that.

"C'mon, it's a bird! Even better, it's a Golden Macaw! You're thinking of Cockatoo's. Those are absolute bitches." Tucker tried his best to comfort Wash, but it just wasn't working.

"I thought you said you used to have a Cockatoo."

"No... Oh, you're thinking of a Cockatiel. Different Australian bird. But they both have crests and a similar name so- Nevermind. Junior is a Macaw, the weird 'Rainbow bird', but blue."

"Then why is it called a Gold Macaw?"

"Why did Caboose name his pet bug, which is a Mantis, Freckles?"

"... Touché."

~~~~~

As Tucker unlocked the door to his apartment, he could clearly see that he was nervous.

"First time? Bow Chicka Bow Wow."

"Wh-What?" Wash panicked.

"I mean meeting a bird, Wash."

"Oh... Yeah, kinda... I'm afraid he'll smell Luna, my cat..."

"Psh, it'll be fine! Macaws won't kill you. Well, they can snap a broomstick in half-" Tucker saw his boyfriend's absolutely terrified face, "I-I mean... Just kidding?"

"I don't want to meet him."

"Please?"

"No."

"Then you have to pay for dinner next week."

".... Fine."

As Tucker happily swung the door open, you could see that he obviously rush-cleaned everything. However, Wash appreciated the gesture, even if it was bad.

"Junior, I'm home buddy!" Tucker called out. Wash was scared that it would attack him, so he stayed close by Tucker, gripping his wrist.

A moment later, a loud, happy sounding whistle came from down the hall.

"C'mon, i need to take him out of his cage."

Wash cautiously followed behind him, and was met with quite a sight inside the room.

Junior was a beautiful bird, about the size of a stuffed teddy bear, and was more aqua than blue. He was hanging upside-down on the perch inside his cage, and whistled happily as he heard the cage door open.

Tucker stuck his forearm out for Junior to hop on, but stopped whistling and hanging when he saw Wash. He hissed, standing back up and stretched out his wings, almost trying to protect Tucker.

Wash took a step back, and Tucker just grabbed his sleeve and pulled him over.

"Don't worry Junior, Wash is good, okay? He's scarred too,"

Junior calmed a bit, tucking his wings back in, but still glared warningly at Wash. He ruffled up his feathers and just stared at him.

"Junior, don't be like that."

The bird looked over to Tucker, and back to Wash.

"Felix?" It squeaked, sounding like a three year old child.

Tucker froze, and opened his mouth to say something to Wash, but shook his head and spoke to the bird.

"No, he isn't like Felix... He's better."

Wash was completely confused. Wasn't Felix Tucker's Ex or something? Before he could ask, Tucker pulled out Wash's arm from his side.

"Now stay still."

"Tucker, what are you-"

And there it was. A cute, beady-eyed bird staring up at him from his arm.

"Um... H-Hi?... I'm Washington..."

The bird cocked its head to the side, as if processing.

"Wash." It stated.

Wash smiled at the bird- Er, Junior.

"Yeah, Wash."

"Pretty wanna cracker?" Is asked, and if bird could smirk, this one would be right now.

Tucker snorted, and both the bird and boyfriend said in unison:

"Bow Chicka Bow Wow."

Wash glared at Tucker, but then his gaze softened back Junior.

"Can... Can I pet him?"

Tucker smiled.

"Hell yes. He's spoiled for those... Little brat... Pet the back of his neck."

Wash lifted his hand, shaking due to him being afraid it would snap his finger like a broomstick. But once his touch met the soft, silk-like feathers, Junior purred exactly like a cat. It was adorable.

"Tucker?"

"Yeah, Wash?"

"I love Junior."

"Wow, I must be an awesome matchmaker. Ooh, maybe I can be a third-"

Wash pulled Tucker close and kissed him, making him stop talking. But neither of them minded. Junior make a weird sound, similar to a dolphin's call, and it sounded like a laugh.

This was the best family ever.