Bullied.

Chapter 25

I don't go to the Reynolds household, I go straight to my house. I want to get this over with before I have a chance to change my mind. For some odd reason, it doesn't feel like my house anymore, and I knock on the door like a timid schoolgirl.

"Coming!" I hear someone shout from the inside. I look down at my scuffed Converse that I have worn for years, suddenly becoming scared and nervous.

"How can I... Oh... Um, hi! Please, come in." My dad says, gesturing inside my own home. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"Can we cut the formalities? I came here to talk, so that's what we are going to do." I manage to bite out spitefully. I feel all this anger bubble up inside me, and with it, bravery. I have never been a brave person, but never would I have ever had said something like that to anyone.

"Oh, okay. Well, please, have a seat." We sit down at the kitchen table, like we are about to have the family dinner we never had.

"Why did you come back?" I come out right.

"Because this is my home, and you are my family." He says politely.

"Bullshit. Family doesn't beat each other. Do you know what I have gone through?" I spit out angrily.

"No. And I never will. I know what I did was entirely wrong and the way I reacted was immoral and disgusting. But I can't change what I did. I spent every night thinking about what I would say to you when I got out. I thought about you every single minute. I am truly sorry and disgusted at what I have done to you. I hope more than anything that one day you will be able to forgive me." My 'father' explains to me calmly.

"How can you be so calm?! You ruined my childhood, our family, everything! I jumped at the sound of anyone yelling or if anyone touched me I would cry. Do you have any idea how that was perceived in school? I became the school loser. The one who cried in class. And no one had any idea." I voice begins to raise as I stand up, trying to hide my emotions as best I could. I reach my arms out and put my leg up on a chair. "Do you see these? While I was being physically and mentally abused by you, I abused myself. I would cry silently so I wouldn't wake you as I raised the knife to my skin and sliced it open. The pain I felt from that was so different than yours and it silenced the your voice in my head."

I take a step back from the table. I look at him with my anger, as he looks up at me with sadness, as a single tear rolls down his face. I want to feel bad for making him cry, but I am loving every second of it. I think that he deserves this. To see what he has done to me.

"I am so sorry." Is all he can choke out before he bursts into a full blown sob.

"You have no idea how many nights I sat awake thinking that I was good enough and I had to apologize for everything that I have done wrong." I prod some more. "I prayed, and prayed that you would forgive me and that everything would go back to normal. This year, I realized, it's not me. It was never me. You weren't happy with yourself, so you took it out on me."

"You are exactly right." He says. "I am a weak man. I didn't want to take responsibility for what I did so I took it out on you. A child. Someone who couldn't fight back and tell me to grow up. But I am better now. I have been sober for five years, and I know how to control it now. I know you won't forgive today, or tomorrow, hell, I won't blame you if you never forgive me. But, please know, I have changed. Your mom wouldn't let me if I hadn't. And you are not the problem. You are so much better that. You are stronger than anyone I have ever known." He says, wiping the tears from his eyes.

I don't want to be here any longer. I take one last glance at him, then leave. I don't know where I am going. I don't want to run to Kai like I always do. I need to be self reliant. I can work this out by myself. I pull out my pain of headphones, and pop them in. I begin to pick up speed until I'm at a steady jog, running to nowhere, and everywhere at the same time.