Bullied.

Chapter 18

I went to bed early, as I was extremely tired. I didn't realize moving was so hard. I woke up in the morning, feeling refreshed. I am going to start a new life soon. Yet, there is something whispering to me in the back of my mind.

“You are a cheater.” A voice in my mind whispers. “How dare you do something like that to Kai? He never forgive you. He LOVES you. He SAVED you. You DESERVE to die.”

“No.” I sadly whisper to myself. “It’s not my fault.”

“It’s all your fault. You haven’t done anything right since the day you were born. Why do you think your dad used to hit you? He couldn’t stand the disgrace of a daughter he had. You are nothing. You are worthless.”  It hisses out leaving those words engraved into mind. A single tear runs down my face as I realize it’s right. A knock at my door pulls me out of my haze.I wipe my face and clear my throat to open the door.

“Why do you even knock anymore?” I ask, returning to my “everyday” self.

“I don't want to intrude on your privacy. I think about it, and then I think, ‘What if she is naked?’ And I know you don’t want me to see you, in spite of all my advances.” Kai says walking in my house. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I just have to get something really quick.” I say then head to the bathroom. I don’t know exactly what I need but I just need something. Maybe all I need is a minute by myself, I don't know. Then I spot it. My little razor blade in the corner. I grab it, my hands shaky. I slowly raise it to my wrist. I take a deep breath in, and drop it.

“Kai!” I scream with whatever strength I have left. He runs in, face filled with worry and I collapse into him.

“What!? Are you okay?” He asks me with audible concern.

“I stopped myself. I did it.” I whisper.

“What are you talking about?” I pointed at towards the little razor blade glimmering in the light. He remains silent and hugs me tighter. I feel his heart skip a beat and his breathing alter.

“I’m sorry.”

“No! This is good.You didn’t do it. That is all that matters right now.” He rubs my back and gives me a shaking smile. I see the pain in his eyes but there is also a spark of gratefulness.

“Can we go to school now?”

‘Yeah. I would like that.” He says softly. We get in his car. Kai looks over at me. He sighs, and holds my hand. He leans into me and whispers, “I don't ever want to lose you, Okay?” I nod my head, unable to speak. He kisses me like he will never be able to feel my lips pressed against his again. “I love you. And I mean it.” Then Kai puts the car in gear and drives off to school.

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    I hear whispers as I enter, barely audible, but still there. Kai keeps his arms around, enveloping me in his warmth.  The whispers are different than what they were at the beginning. They sound more sad. More sorrow than hateful. I ignore them and just continue to my locker. Nothing new there. I meet Kayla at the top of the stairs. She is in a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt. She is only wearing mascara. She doesn’t need any make up anyway. She is so pretty it’s ridiculous. I imagine she is still distraught about her and Dylan. I would be.

    “Of course you would.” The voice pops back in. I don’t have time for this. I push her, I have decided to name her Jenna, as far as she would go to the back.

    “Hey.” Kayla says half-heartedly.

    “Hi.” Kai says, sighing once again and rubbing the back of his neck. He does this anytime he is uncomfortable. I squeeze his hand gently, and he lowers his arm.