Tere Liye .....

chapter 23

Pankhuri pov....

What did you just say..... he asked, turning around and looking at me angrily.

I looked away instantly fearing his anger but he left without saying anything making me sigh .

I just wish he doesn't go back to his previous self and mend his ways for the baby .

I know I have to be here until my little human gets completely fine .
I won't go away leaving him like this caged in between tubes .

My whole body is aching and I can even sit or stand on my own.
I pressed the button beside me and a nurse came after a minute.

I need to pee....I said feeling embarrassed but she nodded and helped me to get up .
I was fearing the pain but I have no other option.

I stood up with her support and winced feeling the pain in my lower abdomen.
I took slow steps toward the attached washroom and got in .

With some difficulty I did my business and  cleaned my mouth with mouth wash too.
The nurse helped me walk to the bed again and I laid down again.

He entred with a paper bag and a thermo bottle.
Pouring tea in 2 mugs he forwarded one of them to me and I looked at him surprised.

I took it quitely and he settled on the chair beside my bed after the nurse left.
We both sipped our tea in silence although I could feel his gaze on me but I didn't looked at him .

Kab tak asse rahogi......mene Maan liya meri galti hai ....mujhe hosh mei hona chahiye tha......par tum jaanti ho mei ek alag zone mei hu pichle kuch mahino se .....He said and I remained quite.

Mei jaanta hu tum sab log pareshan the mere liye....tumne mujhe samjane ki koshish bhi ki ....but I just couldn't help myself.....
I myself don't know what is happening with me .
I just can't explain how I am feeling from past few months.....

You people won't understand it .......He said lowly.

Aapne kisi apne ko khoya hai ....mene to apna sab kuch kho diya ...
Aapke paas sab kuch hai ..maa, baap , ghar , paise aur ab bacha bhi ......
Mere paas toh kuch bhi nahi hai .....jeene ki koi umeed bhi nahi bachi ....

Lekin kya mene iss vajah se aapke bache ko janam dene se mana kiya ....
Dukh toh mujhe bhi tha ....akeli toh mei bhi thi ...par mene har wo baat maani jo aap logo ne kaha ......

Dard sab ko hota hai ....lekin apna dukh sabko bada hi lagta hai .....

Kya sirf aapne apni patni khyoi hai .....vo kisi ki beti bhi thi ....kisi ki bahu thi ...kisi ki behan thi ...aur asse bache ki maa bhi jo abhi duniya mei aaya bhi nahi hai .....

Lekin kya sab ne khud ko ek kamre mei band kar liya....nashe mei duba liya .....I asked him and he looked down .

Everyone has a way to cope up with the pain and I choose alcohol.....I know its wrong but I couldn't care about right and wrong that time and then got habitual of it ....He said looking at me vulnerably.

Toh kya ab ek din mei dukh gayab ho gya hai aapka .....I asked and he shook his head.
I made him look at me cupping his face.

Accept it that she is no more...kab tak iss cheej se dur bhaagege aap ......I said emotionally and he blinked his eyes preventing the tears .

Let them flow....let out your pain.....I encouraged him to cry knowing he hasn't cried after Sanjana's death and he broke down.

He cried grabbing my hand and I let my tears flow too .
Pankhuriiiiii.......kuch samjh nahi aa raha ......
Kese rahu uske binaa ........kya karuuu........