If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Deal or No Deal

"Sam!" Dean yelled. "Behind you!"
Sam turned, just in time to get stabbed through the chest.
I was at just the right angle to see his eyes go wide as he slumped to the ground. My mouth opened in a scream, but I crammed my fist into it, silencing myself. Dean hadn't seen yet. Dean can't see until these assholes are dead. It'll be too much of a distraction.
I tackled the rogue Hunter to the ground, stabbing him with all my might.
I pressed my fingers to Sam's neck, but there was no pulse.
"Sammy!" I heard Dean scream when he saw. He ran over and fell to his knees on Sam's other side. "Sammy. Sammy, wake up," he said, his voice cracking. "Sam." He looked up at me. "Don't you dare cry, Lexie." He said, then quieter, almost to himself, "Then I'll cry too."
"Don't you cry, or then I'll cry too." I countered, fighting back tears. I'm gonna cry...
Dean tried valiantly to hold back the tears, but failed immaculately. I crawled over and hugged him, sobbing as he cried silently.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" Sam's voice asked.
I got out my gun as Dean started towards Sam's doppelgänger. I put my hand on Dean's arm, stopping him. "Don't." I said. "There's only one Sam, and he can't be dead and alive."
Tears continued sliding silently down Dean's face. This was killing him. I hoped to God that the real Sam was the alive one. I was glad to have something to be logical about, otherwise I'd be a mess. I know I know the answer though...
I got out my phone and pointed the camera at live Sam. Nothing. I pointed it at dead Sam, and his eyes flared a weird yellow on the screen.
"You're good." I told Dean softly. Thank God.
Dean ran forward and hugged Sam.
Thank you God, oh my God. Thank you.
"What the hell...?" Sam said.
Neither of us answered. When Dean let him go, I launched myself into his arms. I kissed him, hard, which seemed to be the thing that shocked him most from the scene. I let him go, only to have Dean pitch holy water into his face.
Sam screamed.
Dean bonked him upside the head with his gun. He covered his face with his hand, his expression one of utmost pain. "You secure him. I'll draw the.... The... The thing."
I ran to get rope from the Impala.
As soon as I tied him up, Dean began the exorcism.
God, please let him be okay... And Dean too.

Sam was dead. Dean wouldn't burn or burry him. He insisted we take him to their friend's house, claiming that he wouldn't be gone long.
"Dead is dead, love." I said gently. At least I can accept it.
Honestly, I was glad Dean was being irrational and emotional. It forced me to think clearly and keep my emotions in check. In Dean's words, emotions only get in the way, anyway. Plus, it proves Dean has a heart.
"God fucking damn it." He yelled, tearing his knife across his leg. Blood came immediately. I stared, horrified. "He's not dead. Not for long."
"Dean..."
He looked down at his leg. "Sorry." He said softly.
He didn't notice me digging the blade of my knife into my hand. I didn't notice it until I tried to move it. I wiped my hand on my black shirt and took the knife from Dean, gently prying it from his fingers. "Let's get him to your friend's place, okay? We'll go from there."
He nodded and got out his phone. "Hey, Bobby. We need to use your cabin for a while." He sounded calm, collected. "Just until Sam's back." From the phone, somebody was yelling, "What do you mean until Sam's back?!"
Dean thrust the phone in my hands and left the room.
"Hello?" I said.
"Who the hell are you?" The person on the other end-Bobby-said, not unkindly. Just curiously.
"I'm Lexie. Dean's... Not himself right now."
"What happened to Sam?"
"He... He's dead." Deep breaths. Okay.
"Dead?" He asked disbelievingly. "No."
"Yeah... Dean insists that he'll be back. What am I supposed to do if he gets himself killed trying to make that happen?"
"He'll make it happen or he'll die trying."
"What if it's the latter?"
Silence. Then, "You'll be with him?"
"Yeah."
"Good. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Good."

Dean didn't utter a sound on the way there. He blared his music, though, which I didn't mind in the least. He'll be too upset to worry about me. Maybe I can get away with cutting...
Come on, God. You dragged Dean out of Hell, you can drag Sam out too. Or drop him out of Heaven, whichever. Preferable the latter... Anyways. You obviously had a reason for being Dean back. Without Sammy, though, Dean will have no desire to fulfill whatever shit that is. Unless you want Your actions to be in vain, You need Sam alive. No disrespect, of course.
But if he's with You, dammit. It's better up there than it is here. I'm not selfish enough to want him back from that.
If he's not coming back, just please comfort Dean. And once You're done there, maybe help me? That's not of import, though. I'm fine. But Dean. Help him.

"Lexie." Dean said from the chair beside where we had laid Sam.
"Yeah?" I asked, coming in.
"I know what you did."
"What?" I don't think I did anything...
"You cut." He turned and looked at me. Wow. He looks awful.
"Yeah, maybe I did. But you need to eat and sleep. Killing yourself won't help anybody."
"Dean!" A voice called.
Dean got up and walked to the door. I looked at Sam for a moment, sighing, then followed Dean. We can't keep Sam here forever...
Dean was hugging some man with a beard, who I assumed to be Bobby.
"Bobby." Bobby held his hand out to me.
"Lexie." I replied, shaking his hand.
"Where?"
"Back bedroom."
"I'll-" Dean began.
"Eat." I finished for him, grabbing his hand and half dragging him to the kitchen. I handed him a sandwich I had made for him last night.
"Lexie, I-"
"You're going to eat." I said. "Sit down."
He sat and started eating. "You've been eating?"
"Yes, why?"
"Sometimes you don't." He glanced at me.
I didn't know they noticed.
Suddenly, he stood up. "I'll be back."
"Where are you going?" I demanded, standing too.
"Nowhere."
"Where?" I demanded, grabbing his arm and making him face me.
"Just for a ride. You're welcome to come."
"Yeah, I think I will." I don't trust him.
"Bobby, we'll be back!" Dean called, then left. I followed him out. "Why are you still here, Lexie?" He asked after we'd been in the car for a little while.
"Because I'm not about to jump out of a moving car unless I'm being kidnapped."
"I mean, with me. Sam's gone. "Why are you sticking around?"
Oh. Duh. "For you."
He was quiet. "What?" He asked finally.
"Nobody should have to be alone, love." I said. "Especially in times like this. Would you like me to leave?" I won't even if he says yes.
Another silence. "No." He said softly.
"Precisely."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Are you?"
"Sure."
"Dean, I'm really sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"I hate when people say that when I'm being sympathetic."
He cracked a smile. "Sorry."

When we got back, Bobby was sitting on the couch drinking a beer. Dean went back to Sam, and I sat with Bobby.
"Are you Dean's girlfriend?"
"No. Sam's."
"He can't keep his body forever."
"I've been trying to tell him."
"I'll try." He stood and meandered into the danger zone.
"Just leave me alone!" I heard Dean yell. I got up and went back there. "I already said no! Just get out! Both of you!"
"Well, you know where to find me." Bobby said. He asked if I was coming, and I shook my head no. He left.
"Dean, he's right." I said gently.
"No." He stood up to leave, just as I was coming fully into the room. I held my arms in front of me protectively.
"Where are you going?" I demanded, still blocking his path.
"The bar." He said gruffly.
"Do you want company?"
"No."
"Are you okay?"
"No." I moved out of his way.
"Don't do anything stupid."
"Okay." And he left.
I followed him.
He didn't go to the bar.
He went to a crossroads and summoned a demon.
I hid in a tree to intervene if necessary. I wasn't sure if I should stop it or not.
"Well, well well." A woman said. "Dean Winchester. You must've really liked Hell."
"Bring back my brother."
"And when should I come back for you?"
"Ten years."
"One year."
"Five."
"Deal." She kissed him, then disappeared.
He went to the bar.
I went back to the cabin. Just in case.