If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Cold, Heartless Son of a Bitch

Well, the haunted house was fucking scary. Sam enjoyed it well enough, but that may have been because I quite literally jumped into his arms several times.
"Oh, shit, Sam." I said, stooping down to touch something on the floor, completely ignoring the fucking clown that jumped out. In my head, though, I was sobbing.
"Sulfur." He said. "It's a demon?"
"Looks that way." I said. "How do we get out of here?"
"Follow the crowd, I guess."
"Can we call him?"
He got out his phone. "No signal. Damn it."
A little girl turned and looked at us, appalled.
"Language, Sammy." I said.
"I'll push through people and you follow behind?" He said. He knows me better than I thought...
"Wait, there's an emergency exit." I pointed out.
Sam pushed through people, and I followed in his wake. We burst through the exit and took off in a run, completely ignoring the screeching alarm behind us. I got out my phone as we ran. "Demon." I said as soon as he answered.
"What?"
"We found sulfur."
"Yeah." He said. "I know."
"Where are you?"
"Just coming to pick you guys up. Don't you just love this place? It's a real funky town."
"Right? Well, bye."
"What'd he say?" Sam demanded.
"He's in trouble."
"What's new?"

We went as fast as we could to Mr. Smith's office.
"You know how to exorcise a demon?"
"Duh."
"I mean the incantation."
"No."
"Me either."
"Just... Wait out here, okay?"
"Why?"
"Just do it."
"No."
"Please?"
"No, Sam."
He sighed and got a gun out. I copied him and tried to open the door. It was locked. Sam started to kick it open, but I stopped him. "I wanna do it."
Laughing softly, he nodded and stepped back.
I kicked it open. That's my absolute favorite part of this job.
"No!" Dean yelled.
Sam waved his hand and Mr. Smith went flying against the wall.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled again, sounding pissed.
I put my hand on Sam's arm. Dean's telling us to stop. He's warning us, but what about?
I made a mental list.
Possible dangers:
• Lights falling from ceiling
• More demons
• Shot/stabbed/killed in any other way by unseen demons
• Possessed Dean
• Trip wires
• Bombs
Maybe that's not the best way to go about this.
"You go in through the back." Sam whispered.
I rushed out and around to the back. I peeked through a window on my way.
Dean hadn't been talking to us.
I ran back to Sam and pushed past him. He was on my heels. I stopped suddenly, spinning around. "Stay out here. Don't come in."
"Why?"
"It's not something you want to see. Just let me go in first, and I'll tell you when to come, okay?"
I put a bullet through one demon's chest. The other turned slowly to look at me. "Well, well, well. What have we here?" Her eyes flashed black. "He's going to be dead before you can say quidditch ."
Oh hell no.
With that, Sam burst in. When he saw Dean, he froze. Damn it!
The demon cackled and I fired.
Dean screamed for Sammy to get out, and I fired again, this time killing the fucking bitch.
Dean was strapped to a table, blood flowing like Niagara Falls from deep cuts on his wrists and into bowls.
I followed Sammy over to him. While Sam set to work untying him, I set to work binding his wounds. "Sammy, pull the car around. He needs to get to the hospital." I instructed.
"No he doesn't." Dean said, sitting up unsteadily. "I'm fine."
"Dean, you're fucking bleeding out." I wanted to cry.
"It'll heal."
"Yeah, not if you've bled to death." God, please let him be okay. Fucking hell...
"Sammy, you should have waited outside." Dean said. "You could have been killed. You can't just walk into a room full of demons and freeze."
"Why does everyone treat me like I'm six?" He demanded. "I'm a a grown man. I can make my own decisions."
"You're my little brother."
"What's her excuse?"
"She agrees with me."
"Damn it. What does she agree with you on?"
"Guys," I said. "I'm right here."
"What do you agree on?" He demanded of both of us.
"Very little, actually." I said.
"That you need to be protected." Dean said.
"We want you to be relatively safe and keep your mental stability relatively intact." I said.
"I can take care of myself! I don't need to be protected! I fucking raised Satan, I can sure as hell take care of myself." He tried to leave, but I intercepted.
"You guys need to deal with your differences better." I said. "Storming out like moody teenage girls won't help with anything. Sam, we're not treating you like you're six, we're treating you like we care. We didn't want you coming in because we didn't want you to see that. Be grateful people give a shit about you. And Dean... You're not pissed. I don't have to have a speech for you."
"Oh, wait!" I said. "I got one. Don't make us do things we don't want to do. If you would have let us join you, maybe this wouldn't have happened."
"Whose side are you on?" They said simultaneously.
"Mine."

Dean was in the back, sleeping. He hadn't bled out yet, so I guess that's good.
"Does Dean make you uncomfortable?" Sam asked.
"No. Should he?"
"Yeah. Should he?" Dean asked, sitting up.
"I just mean that you re so... Like... Well, you're a horny little shit, in Lexie's words, and Lexie's... She basically despises that."
"He can fuck whomever he wants." I said.
"I can fuck whomever I want." He agreed.
"Why should he make me uncomfortable?" I asked.
"You guys are just so different."
"Not really." I said. "Just he'll fuck anybody and I'll fuck nobody. And I'm Christian. And I read a lot. And I paid attention in school. Otherwise we're quite similar. Except he's stronger and braver."
"And she's compassionate and willing to show emotion."
"The only thing you have in common is your mental state." Sam said. "Lexie, when you die, what happens?"
"Me?"
"For you."
"I'll haunt your ass."
Dean gave me a high five. "Nice."
"Why, thank you." I smiled. "But on a serious note, I'm going to Heaven. I don't want to be here longer than I must."
"And Dean's damned to Hell. Dean, what's the best thing in the world?"
"Sex." He said immediately.
"And Lexie only wants to read. Lexie, what's your opinion on alcohol?"
"Do you know what that shit does to your body?"
"And Dean is a damn alcoholic. Dean, how do you like your car?"
"Don't call her that, Sam. You'll hurt her feelings."
"And Lexie thinks you have attachment issues. Lexie, if someone was dying, what would you do, if you knew you couldn't save them?"
"Stay with them." Where is this going?
"And Dean will either continue what he was doing or try to save them anyways."
"I would not just leave them." Dean said.
"Yes you would. You've turned into a cold, heartless son of a bitch."
"Sam!" I said.
"It's true! That's what this does to you. All Hunters are like it. You can't afford to care. Stopping to help a dying person will get you killed. You can't afford to care about anyone but yourself."
Dean and I looked at each other.
"Well, then you choose to take a risk, Sam!" Dean said. "You can't help that people die. Everybody dies. Even for normal people there's loss. Take that up with God if you've got such a problem with it, but do not bitch to me about it, and absolutely not to your damn girlfriend."
Sam slammed on the breaks as someone stepped into the road.
Dean got out quickly.
"See, Sammy? A cold, heartless son of a bitch wouldn't have done that." I said quietly before getting out myself.
It was Cas. When I approached, he was healing Dean.
I got back in the car.
"What is it?" Sam asked.
"Nothing, just stay here."
Dean knocked on Sam's door, and Sam rolled down the window. "Are you coming or not?"
"Nope." I said, searching for an excuse. "I've got to talk to Sam."
He shot me a look, but walked away.
"What's going on?" Sam demanded.
"Nothing." I said. "I want to talk to you."
"About?"
I thought quickly. "You're not a cold, heartless bastard." I said. "Neither is Dean, but especially not you. You know that."
"How many Hunters have you met that actually care about the people they save? That aren't Hunting for revenge?"
"At least two."
"No. You're the only one."
"Shut up and listen to me. I'm right."
He said nothing.
"Don't stop believing." I said and Dean got back in.
"Journey. Nice." Dean said.
"What was going on out there?" Sam asked.
"Just a lost traveller." Dean said. "Lexie, who's your favorite band?"
"Can you narrow it down to a genre first?
"Modern."
"Pierce the Veil."
"80's?"
"Smiths."
"Who the hell is that?"
"Damn it, you don't know them either?" Why doesn't anybody know them?
"Go to bed. We've got a long drive." Sam said.
I kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight."
"Or maybe we could just stop for the night."
"All these years and that's all I had to do?" Dean huffed.
"It won't work for you." Sam assured him.
His face dropped to emotionless. "You mean I don't turn you on?"
"Sorry to burst your bubble." Sam said, the hint of a smile on his lips.