If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

If You Love Something Let It Go

Sam returned an hour later, bloody and bruised.
"You look like shit." Dean said casually from the couch.
"Are you okay?" I asked, getting up and gathering bandages, pausing to whack Dean on the head.
"Well," he said, "Let's just say the werewolves are taken care of." He threw his gun down on a chair.
"Good job, dude." Dean gave a thumbs up.
"Shirt off." I commanded.
Sam glared at Dean. "Fuck you." He growled, taking of his shirt.
Hot fucking damn.
I started wiping off the blood and gore as he told what happened. "... And then there were a dozen of them-"
"Where's my burger?" Dean so rudely interrupted.
"I'm sorry I lost your damn food." Sam snapped.
"I'll go get some. What do you want, Lex?"
"Salad, Dean."
"Damn you." He said as he walked out the door.
"You okay?" I asked Sam.
"Fine." He shrugged.
"I think you need stitches..."
"If you don't want to do it I will."
I hesitated. Gross. "I'll do it." I said uncertainly.
He laughed and asked if I was sure. I told him I most definitely was not, but then I did it anyways. "I am so sorry." I said when I finished.
He smiled, pained but not showing it. "Thanks."
"You want me to, uh, get you another shirt?" I stammered like an idiot.
"Does this make you uncomfortable?"
"Yes, slightly."
"Then nope, I'm good."
"Fuck you." I said. "I'll go get you one."
As I walked out, he called, "Can't make me wear it.""
I brought him one, but threw it to him from across the room and sat down on the couch, as far away from him as I could get.
Smiling, he came and sat beside me.
I was in a chair.
He was sitting beside me.
In the same fucking chair.
He lifted me up and sat me on his lap, then leaned back against the chair.
"Samuel Winchester-" I said, hopping up, only to be pulled back down and held there. "Fine." I consented. "Can we at least sit on the couch?"
He grinned. "Gladly."
I jumped up the moment he released me.
"I love you." He grinned as he pulled me onto the couch and held me to him."
"No. You're just lonely." Which was an opinion I'd been cogitating for quite some time.
"No." He said, offended. "I love you."
And I let myself believe him. For the moment, at least. "I love you too." I leaned back against him and fell asleep.
I woke up when Dean returned, but didn't open my eyes.
"Son of a bitch." Dean said, and Sam shushed him. "Easing her into the idea, I see?" He said in a hushed voice, and I was sure he was smirking.
"What? No." Sam said, sounding genuinely shocked. "I respect her wishes."
"Then what the hell are you doing?"
"She said it makes her uncomfortable."
"Yeah." Dean said sarcastically. "That's respecting her wishes."
"I meant about sex."
"Wake her up."
Sam shook me gently. "Lexie?" He whispered. "Dean's back."
"Come one, man." Dean rolled his eyes as I opened mine.
"Well, you're an inconsiderate bastard."
"Damn you."
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing." He tossed me my salad.
"Thanks," I said. Then to Sam, "Let me go."
"And put on a shirt," Dean said.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. Not so much that I couldn't as much as didn't want to. My throat tightened and I coughed, choking on a tomato. My eyes stung, but I didn't know if the tears were from the choking or something else entirely.
They both put their food down and stared intently at me, as if wondering if they should do something. "You okay?" Sam asked.
"Yeah." I choked out. "I'll be right back." I said quickly, them rushed from the room.
Part of me wanted one of them to follow me, but I knew they wouldn't. Part of me didn't want them to, but knew they wanted the try.
I sat down on the concrete on the side of the motel. I pulled my knees to my chest, taking deep breaths.
"Here." Dean said from above me.
Looking up, I saw him holding the keys to his stupid car out to me. I stared blankly at him, uncomprehending.
"Don't sit on the floor." He said. "At least sit in it. You okay?"
I stood up, taking another deep breath, but accidentally expelled it in a sob. He put his arms around me and I buried my face in his chest. Resting his chin on my head, he waited silent,t for me to calm down.
Shortly afterwards, I forced the pieces back together. "I'm fine." I told him, pulling away. "Thank you."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I shrugged nonchalantly. "Do I look like shit?"
"Yes."
"Damn. Well, I'll be in in a few minutes."
"You okay?"
"I'm fine. I need to make a phone call, though."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." When he still didn't leave, I asked if he was okay.
"Yeah." He said, shrugging. "I am. I'm just not sure if you are."
Sighing, I emptied my pockets of weapons and handed them over. He gave me a pointed look, and I took a pocketknife from my pocket and added it to the pile. He continued with the look, and I handed over my blade. "Give it back, okay?" I asked softly.
"Not the blade."
"Especially the blade."
"No."
"Yes. I don't use it."
"Fine." He consented after looking at me for a moment. He looked so, so disappointed, it almost brought me to tears.
"Fine." I choked. "Get rid of it."
He kissed my forehead-the best he could do with his burden-then turned and left.
I pressed my hands to my eyes, taking a deep breath.
I got out my phone and called Claire.
"Hey." She murmured groggily. It was 4am there, so it was justified. "Everything okay?"
"No, actually." I said. "I need to tell you something. You're going to think I'm crazy but please believe me and please, please don't hate me."
"Okay...?" She sounded confused, which was also justified.
"Demons are real." I told the Atheist.
"Excuse me?"
"Demons. They're real. You know that book I told you I'm writing? Well, it's based off my life."
"Lexie, I know you're a Christian, but don't you think this is a bit too far?"
"It's fucking real, Claire. Please just believe me. Have I ever lied to you?"
"Okay." She said. "I believe you."
"Thank you so much." I would have been relieved, but the worst was yet to come. "Remember when Scarlett Anne shot herself and she shouldn't have lived but miraculously recovered?"
"Yeah."
"Well, she didn't. She died and a demon took over her body."
She was quiet for a minute. "Okay..." She said slowly.
"She asked me to come up there to go to her boyfriend's funeral with her and she was possessed and... I had to kill it."
"You couldn't have... Exorcised it or whatever?" She was half hysterical.
"Scarlett's Anne was already dead. You have to understand that. I killed the demon."
"Oh my God."
I started crying again. "I'm sorry... I..."
"Shh." She said gently. "Sh... It's okay. I believe you, Lexie. But Lexie, get this." Her voice changed to one I've never heard before. "You know that 'demon' inside her you killed? Yeah, that was my sister. And I'm after you next."
"Is Claire alive?" I asked, pulling myself together instantly.
"Only until I kill you." She singsonged.
"Get out of her you goddamn bitch." I almost yelled, instantly regretting my word choice.
"Oh my God." Sam said. "Dean, come on."
"See you soon, Lex." And she hung up.
Did I really just say that word? I've never, ever said that. I'm so going to Hell.
"Oh my God." I whispered. "Oh my God!" Then I decided I'd be better off shutting my mouth and praying for my soul.
I am so, so sorry, God. Please, please forgive me. I'll never, ever say it again.
And while you're at it, get that evil shit out of my friend.
Dean ran outside. "What's going on?" He demanded.
"She said 'goddamn.'" Sam explained.
"I'm going to Hell..." I murmured, glancing skyward as if expecting lightning to strike me down on the spot, but acknowledging God forgave me. It may take a while for me to forgive myself. Wow... I feel almost as bad about saying that word as I do getting my friends killed.
"Oh my God." Dean said. "Okay, get in the car. Where are we going?"
I love them so much...
I filled them in on my conversation with the thing inside my best friend.
"Do you wanna let us handle this one?" Sam asked gently.
"Hell no." I said.
"Get some sleep, then."
"Hell no." I repeated.
"Lexie-"
"And I brought your food." Dean said.
"Look," I interrupted both of them. "I love you guys; I really do. But I don't want to eat and I don't want to sleep. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. I appreciate your concern and all, but please just stop."
"That's the most service you've ever been." Dean said, "But no can do. Sorry."
"Let me drive. You two can sleep. I can't anyways, so I might as well."
"Not tired." They both said.
Must they always be so damn sweet?
"Where does she live?" Dean asked.
"Good question." I admitted. "South Georgia. It starts with a R."
"Name?"
"Claire Nicole Darling." I said. "Don't kill her. Exorcise it."
"If she tried to hurt you, I'm killing her." Sam said.
"It." I said. "It's an it. And you won't kill her. I'd rather die."
"That's too damn bad." Dean said. "If it's her or you, we're choosing you."
"That's her." I said. "Oh my gosh, that's her."
She was at a gas station getting gas.
Dean pulled up beside her, got out, and knocked her out before she could even turn around. Sam pulled her car into a parking place while I helped Dean get her into the car. Sam pulled me from the back and forced me into the front.
"Empty factory ten miles ahead." Sam said.
We pulled up there and Dean carried her easily inside while Sam and I drew the pentagram thing.
She woke up a while later and scowled. "You killed my sister."
"You and your sister inhabited my friends." I countered.
God, get it out of her. Please, God.
"It's the best way to-" she started gagging, black smoke coming from her mouth.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" I whirled on Sam and Dean.
"Nothing!" They said defensively.
Claire fell to her knees, staring up. "Don't send me back there!" She gagged, choking as she tried to keep inside her vessel. "God, please!" She screamed. "Don't send me back!"
"Well," I said, "There are no pigs to send you into." I shrugged.
She scowled, then grinned, taking out a knife and stabbing Claire before the black smoke sunk into the ground.
No, God, no!
I ran up to her and felt for a pulse. I was crying too hard to tell, and Dean joined me, also checking. "Let's get her to the hospital." He stood. "Sam, go get the car." He commanded, scooping Claire's limp body into his arms.
Dean and I met Sam at the car. This time, I was allowed to sit with Claire.
Her eyes fluttered open. "L-Lexie...?" She muttered, confused.
"Hey, Claire." I said through my tears.
"What happened?"
"Nothing." I said softly. "It's gonna be okay, though, okay?"
"Scarlett...?"
"She's dead still, love."
Her eyes closed again. I should have just said she wasn't here. I mean, she's gonna die anyway.
We got to the hospital, and Dean answered the questions he could while I cried and Sam attempted gallantly to comfort me.
Dean joined us in the waiting room place, closed his eyes.
A few minutes later, Cas walked in and joined us.
"Can... Can you make her forget me?" I asked him.
"Don't." Dean said.
"No, it has to be that way."
"Don't." Dean said again.
"It has to happen."
"Don't." He repeated a third time. "It will tear you apart."
"It's best for her."
"I don't give a shit about what's best for her." Dean said. "I care about what's best for you. And it's sure as hell not that."
"You've done it?"
He was quiet for a minute. "Yes." He finally answered.
"And are they safe now?"
".... Yeah."
"Then it has to be done."
Cas looked back and forth between us, unsure whose orders to follow.
"Lexie, this is a big decision. Why don't you think about it a little?" Sam suggested.
"I thought about it." I said. "I want it done."
"Lexie-"
"No." I said. "Stop trying to change my mind. Cas, please do it."
"Are you sure?" Even he seemed unconvinced.
"Yes." I said, holding back the tears. "I'm certain."
He disappeared.
I held back tears. I will not cry. I will not cry.
A few minutes later, I walked back to her room. She was sitting up in a hospital bed. She looked at me, no recognition there whatsoever. She doesn't remember Scarlett Anne either. I tried to convince myself that was a good thing. "Can I help you?" She asked.
"I just wanted to check on you." I said, clearing my throat. "I was the one who found you on the side of the road."
"Oh." She said. "Right. I'm sorry. Thank you so much." She smiled and looked so, so beautiful.
"No problem." I said. "I'm glad you're doing okay."
"Thanks," she repeated.
"Here." I said, handing her my Bible. "Take this."
"I'm not..."
"Take it anyways." I said softly. "It may come in handy."
She looked at it, then thumbed through it. "Okay." She said. "Thank you. What's your name again...?"
"Lexie." I said.
"Right. Thank you, Lexie. I appreciate it."
"You're welcome." I lifted my hand in a wave. "God bless you." Then I turned my back and walked out on my best friend since sixth grade.