If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Soulless Sam

And then Sam let Castiel torture a kid. The kid was in possession of a portion of the Staff of Moses, and we needed to figure out which angel gave it to him. Dean and I were the only ones who even cared. Cas's indifference was understandable, since he was normally like that, but Sam! Angels win everything, so Sam and Cas won that battle.
He also let Dean get turned into a vampire.
Dean's back to normal now-long story-but Sam lied to the goddess of truth. After the goddess was 'ganked', Dean turned the knife on Sam. "What the hell are you?"
"I'm your brother!"
"No you're not! What are you?" Dean yelled.
"Okay, okay." Sam held his hands up. "I am your brother. There's just something off. There has been this whole time. And... I think... I think I need help."
Dean dropped the knife.
But then he tackled Sam, punching him repeatedly.
"Dean!" I cried.
Of course, I wasn't gonna stop him. I wanted to do it too. The bastard had been back for a year and hadn't even fucking told us. He'd been alive this whole time, and he let us suffer. He just let us live not knowing.

"You're right." Cas said. "He looks terrible."
Sam's eyes fluttered open.
Cas asked him a bunch of questions. "This is going to hurt." He warned.
"Wait--" I began, but Cas had already shoved his hand into Sam's chest.
Sam groaned in pain. I wanted to cry.
"What'd you find?" Dean asked eagerly.
"Nothing." Cas said.
"That's good, right?"
"No. I found nothing. He has no soul."
"Well, where is it?"
"Probably still in the cage."
"That can't be good." I said. "Michael and Lucifer..."
Cas nodded, agreeing.
"Well, how do we get it back?" Dean demanded.
"We have to find whoever brought him back."
"Are you gonna let me go?" Sam interrupted.
"No." Dean, Cas, and I all said at once.
"Can you at least untie me?"
"No." Dean said. "Shut up."
"I didn't want it to come to this." Sam stood, shaking the rope from his wrists. "Look, I'm sorry about the vampire thing. I really am. It won't happen again."

Dean told Sam to sit in the back and let me sit up front. I said I'd take the back. From the back, I could watch his every move.
We stopped for lunch. Dean and I sat on one side of the table, Sam opposite us. Somehow, our hands found each other's. Both of us were scared and alone. Both of us wanted comfort and support. Neither of us would admit to any of that, so we silently showed it, and never spoke of it.
"The truth is," Sam said, "I'm not your brother, and I'm not your boyfriend. I have all the same memories, but I don't feel anything, or even really care about either of you, besides that you can help me. It's easier to hunt like this, but I was the other Sam for a long time, and... I think I should go back to being him."
That was the most painful thing that's ever been done to me.
"Dean, can I talk to you?" I asked quietly.
He stood and I followed him behind his stupid car. I slid my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. "We'll fix this." We said simultaneously. "Thank you." We both said.

"I'm going to get dinner." Dean said as we sat in a motel room that night. "Want anything?" He asked Sam, who, by the way, never eats, nor sleeps. Talk about a boring existence.
"No." Sam said.
My eyes widened. I stood and walked over to Dean. "You're leaving me with him?" I hissed.
"I was going to. I don't have to though. I just thought you'd be okay with it. You've never been scared before."
"Because I can kill everything else. I can't kill him. I'm terrified." I admitted. "He's a cold-blooded killing machine."
"I won't hurt you." Sam said. "The other Sam loved you."
"Don't touch her, don't talk to her, don't look at her." Dean said authoritatively. "If you even get near her I'll kill you."
Sam held up his hands. "I'll stay away."
"I'm good, Dean." I said, currently scared of him instead of Sam. "Just go."
"No. We can all go."
"No, it's fine. I just remembered I need to ask him something."
"You sure?"
I nodded, and he handed me a gun. "Don't hesitate."
"I won't bother her." Sam repeated.
"What does Sam actually think of me?" I asked, standing over him.i'm sure as hell not sitting down with this bitch around. He's twice my size. I'm sure this is kinda deceptive, asking a soulless man who has all of Sam's thoughts what Sam thinks of me instead of asking him himself, but that's too bad.
"He thinks you're beautiful and he loves you. But this Sam is debating whether or not something's come up between you and Dean."
I wrinkled my nose. "Gross. No. Never. I'd kill him. We pretended to be a couple--because you were being a fucking asshole-- and I almost killed him on more than one occasion."
"And yourself? Or was that just once?"
"Shut up." I hissed. "You son of a bitch."
"Hey, it was just a question."
"Your questions aren't welcome."
"You can put the gun away. I'm not gonna hurt you."
"Why should I trust you?"
"You probably shouldn't. But it's not like you'll actually use it."
"The hell I won't."
"You love Sam too much." He said. When I said nothing, he spoke up again. "You've done it before, though." He said. "Killed someone you love. Haven't you?"
My hands began to shake. "Shut the hell up."
"Your mom, right?"
I threw a knife at him. It hit right beside his head.
He grave me a look of approval. "Nice aim."
"Next time I won't miss."