If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Say Goodbye

I handed an anti-demon possession charm to my aunt and Alysa. "Wear it." I instructed. "Don't ever take it off. Ever. Don't talk to me again."
"What's going on?" Alysa demanded.
"It has to be like this, okay?" I hugged her tightly. "I love you. I really do. Don't contact me unless it's an absolute emergency."
"We're done." Dean said. "We'll wait in the car." They had drawn devil's traps all over the motel. I just hope no one picks up the carpet or anything.
"Promise to wear it all the time? Don't take it off, no matter what?"
"I promise." Alysa said, and I hugged her again. "I love you."
I turned to my aunt. "Promise me, Donna."
"Okay." She said, shaking her head. "I promise."
"Bye. Love you." I rushed out before I could cry.
Next we went to Elizabeth's.
"Lexie! Hey. What's up?"
I handed her the necklace. "Here." I said. "Don't ever take this off. Please."
"Why?"
"Because I need you to. You can't contact me ever again. I'm sorry, Liz, but this is important."
"What's going on?"
"Just wear it. Don't take it off, no matter what. Promise?"
"Yeah, okay." She put it on. "Are you okay? Are you in trouble?"
"I'm good." I said, hugging her. "I love you, okay?"
"I love you too." She was confused, and it was evident.
"I have to go." I rushed back to the Impala, and waved as we drove off.
We went to Evan's next. "Lexie?" He blinked. I had woken him up.
"Hey. I have a request." I feel like shit.
"You wanna come in?"
"I can't. I don't have time."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, fine." I handed him the necklace.
"What's this?" He looked at me like I was crazy.
"What does it look like? It's a necklace. I need you to wear it all the time and never take it off. And... Don't contact me again unless it's an emergency. But I need you to wear it at all times."
"Whatever you're about to do, don't do it." He grabbed my arm.
"I'm not doing anything. I just need this to happen."
"No, Lexie. I'll wear it, but I won't stop talking to you."
"You have to, Evan. It's necessary." I hugged him tightly. "I love you, but you have to stay away."
"No."
"I love you." I kissed his cheek. "I have to go. I'll miss you." I pulled away.
A tear rolled down his cheek. I longed to tell him I was joking, but I can't. "I love you." He pulled me to him and I hugged him again.
I forced myself to pull away. "Give this to Sarah. Make sure she wears it." I held out another necklace to him.
"You don't want to take it to her?"
I sighed. "I..."
"Yeah. Okay." He took it from me and pocketed it. "Are you okay, Lexie? You're not in trouble?"
"Yep. Fine." I hugged him again. "I love you."
"I love you too. Don't do anything stupid."
Me, do something stupid? Never... "You too."
"I'm always doing something stupid."
I smiled, waved, and ran to the beloved Impala. "I'm done." I said. "Thanks." I realized that Sam was in the back. "Why are you back here?" Excuse him. This is my territory.
"Shut up and come here."
"Sam, I'm fine."
"I want my damn knives."
Dean handed them back. "And," he said, "I'll give it back, but on one condition."
Forgetting the look on his face, I jumped at the chance. "Okay."
"I trust that you won't use it, but you have to let Sam check."
"Hell fucking no. Give it back."
"Fine. I trust you. Just... You can't let Sam kill me. And if you use it, I'll kill you, and then move on to myself."
"Just give it back. I don't use it."
He handed me the blade back.
"What the hell!" Sam yelled. "No! Give it to me! Now!"
"No." I said calmly.
"You knew, Dean? You let her have that?!"
"I just found out, Sammy."
"You gave it back!"
"She said she's not using it."
"So! She doesn't need the temptation!"
"Are you saying you don't think I can do it?" I demanded, my eyes stinging.
"No! I'm saying we should be helping you do it, not encouraging it."
"I'm going to bed." I said, moving as close to the door as I could and curling into a ball.
"Lexie..." Sam said. "I'm sorry... I...."
"I'm going to bed, Sam." I said.
"Lexie, I swear-"
"Dude. Shut up." Dean said. "She's pissed and she's got weapons. Is that really how you want to go out?"
Thank you, Dean.
"Shut up, Dean."
"Hey, at least I'm showing my support." I know he was probably smirking.
"Fuck you."
"Shut the fuck up." I said.
"Should we stop at a motel?"
Get me out of here."
"Lexie, I-" Sam tried again.
"Stop, Sam. Please."
"Damn it." He muttered.
"You screwed up." Dean said.
When we got to the motel, I went to the trunk while Sam went in to get a room. Dean came back with me. "You okay?"
"Just fucking dandy."
"Why are you in such a pissy mood?"
"Shut up, Dean." I tensed up.
"Sorry I asked." He pulled me into a hug.
"I don't want a damn hug." I said, though I hugged him back.
"Good. I'm not the subject of your anger."
I smiled. "Now let me go or you will be."
"Yes ma'am." He said, quickly stepping back.
Sam came out and we followed him to the room. "Can I talk to you, Lexie? Please?"
"I want to sleep, Sam." I lied.
"It won't take long." He pleaded. "I just..."
My mom used to say to never go to bed angry. "I'm not mad at you, Sammy." I said. "I just want to go to bed."
"Please, Lexie? I need to talk to you."
"Is it a life or death situation?"
"Yes." Is what he should have said to get me to talk to him.
"No." He actually said.
"Then it can wait." Is what I should have said.
"Okay, fine." Is what I actually said. He is being honest...
He glanced at Dean. "Can we go outside?"
"I'll go outside." Dean said.
"No." I said.
"Yes." Sam said.
"Don't you want a witness?" I inquired.
"It can wait till tomorrow." He looked away and shuffled to the couch.
"I'll take the couch." I said.
"No." Sam countered. "I will."
I grabbed his shirt collar and glared up at him as menacingly as I could. "I'll take the couch." I repeated.
"Yes ma'am." He backed up with wide eyes.
"Sissy." Dean muttered hypocritically with a smile.

When I woke up the next morning, I found that I was in the bed Dean had fallen asleep in. I flew out of the bee. I was fully clothes and Dean wasn't in the bed; he was in the couch. And still asleep. Sam was sitting at the table. I joined him, and he glanced up from his computer.
"I'm sorry, Sam. I overreacted."
"No you didn't. I worded it wrong."
"No, no, you were right. I was just in a bad mood."
"We're not going to fight over who was wrong."
"Fighting's the easiest part of a relationship." I cracked a smile, hoping he would return it.
"Can we go outside?"
I hope he's not too mad... I'm such a bitch.
I nodded, following him out.
He took my hand, then looked down at it sharply. "What's this?" He asked, touching the number I had written on it.
"Nothing." I said uncomfortably.
"Okay." He said, shocking me.
"What did you want to say?"
"That I believe in you. I know you can do it. If you want to carry that blade around, then do it. If you say you don't use it, I believe you. But it would make me feel better if you got rid of it."
"I haven't used it, Sammy. If I do, I'll tell you."
"No you won't."
"No I won't." I agreed.
"Why do you want to carry it around?"
"Let's go back inside." It's probably a stupid ideal anyway. I mean, why should I?
He pushed my hair back and left his hand there, leaning down and kissing me.
But I was very aware we were in front of a motel on a busy highway. I pulled away.
"We should get out own room every once in a while." When I jumped away from him, he grinned. "Not like that."
"No." I said. "That's inconsiderate of Dean. You should choose him over me."
"You're much prettier than Dean."
Well, I'm not sure about that...
I rolled my eyes and started walking.
"Lexie, wait."
I turned around.
"I love you." He said, taking both my hands in his. "And I'm so, so proud of you."
I bit down on the inside of my cheeks, looking down for a minute, squeezing my eyes closed. "For what?" I asked, regaining my composure.
"Everything... Not cutting, how strong you're being..."
My lip trembled, and I bit down on it. "I..." I began, but then burst into tears.
He immediately apologized. "I'm so sorry. Did I say something wrong?" His eyebrows furrowed and he looked worried.
"No, no." I smiled tightly, standing on my tiptoes and kissing him, then hugging him tight. "Thank you, Sam." I whispered into his chest. "I love you."
"Holy shit. Okay." He said to himself, and I pulled away awkwardly.
Evan had always told me guys think with their dicks, not their heads...

Dean awoke.
"Did you detect the pea under the mattress, Princess?" I asked.
"Shut up." He said, fixing his hair in the car mirror.
"Can I please just sleep on the damn couch for once?" I asked as we drove.
"You're always wanting me to be a gentleman." He shrugged.
"Not when it gets in the way of me being nice."
"Are you on your period?"
Is that just every guy's go-to question for annoyed girls? "Say that again and your nose will have a period."
"I'll take that as a yes."
"You took it incorrectly." I said. I'm just worried and stressed and angry and ugh.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled, slamming on the breaks. Sam and I yelled startled inquiries of as to what the hell he was doing. "They have pie!" He pulled into a parking lot.
"How can we pass that up?" I rolled my eyes, smiling to myself.
Sam glanced at the number on my hand as we walked inside. Smiling, he put his arm around me.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing." He said softly, smiling and kissing my head.
Eh. PDA.