If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away

Welcome Home

"You all right?" Dean asked.
I wiped my tears with my sleeve as we walked back to his beloved car. "I'm great."
"Hey, that wasn't sarcastic." He smiled.
"Can I not be great?"
"No, no. Continue being great."
"Thank you, I shall."

"He should be back soon. I'm gonna go get some beer."
"Dean-"
"I'll be back before he is." He said, shutting the door.
That dick.
Evan called again. Some others had called twice or so, but Evan was rather persistent. I was so tempted to answer him, and I really wanted to, but I didn't. I didn't want to deal with that now. I feel good, and I'd like to keep it that way.
It doesn't take ten minutes to get beer.
The door opened, and I prayed it was Dean.
It was Sam. "Lexie..."
"Hey, Sammy." I said, casually awkward.
"I'm so proud of you." He whispered.
I touched the number on my hand subconsciously. "Why?" Tears welled in my eyes, even if that's not what he's talking about.
He took my hand and kissed it. I threw my arms around him, tackling him onto the couch. "Oh, Sam." I murmured. "Thank you so much. I love you. Oh, God." I whispered.
His breath caught in his throat and his arms tightened around me. "I missed you so much. God, Lexie. I..."
"I was gone two days."
"It felt like eternity."
I smiled into his shirt.
"How'd you get here?"
"Dean."
"Where is he?"
"That asshole said he went to get beer and let me go, Sammy." I only half meant it. I was using his shirt to block the tears.
"Why'd you leave?"
"Did you enjoy the concert?"
"That shit is scary."
"Nah."
"What were you going to do?"
"Sam."
"Sorry. But we have to talk about it when Dean gets back."
I sat up. "No."
"Yes." He said, sitting. "And he's going to come back as soon as he realizes-"
"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you."
"It's true and you know it."
I kissed him quickly, then backed the fuck away. I was torn between not wanting to talk and anxiety about shagging Sam. "I'll call Dean."
"Hang on," he said. "I have a question."
My heart started racing. I hate when people say that. "Yeah?"
He moved to the floor in front of me and took my hand in his. What the hell?
"Uh, what are you doing?" I asked, pulling my hands away instinctively.
"Humor me." He smiled, taking my hand back.
"If you say something stupid I'm going to hit you."
"Should I back up?" He smiled.
"I don't know, should you?"
"I don't know."
I shrugged.
"Anyways. Hear me through, okay?"
"Okay..." I said uncertainly.
"I love you," he said, swallowing hard. He was nervous. Okay. But why? What the fuck is going on? "I had a whole speech planned out, but I think that would make you more uncomfortable, plus I can't remember it to save my life. Uh, I'll cut to the chase. I love you, and you mean the world to me. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. Will you marry me?"
My eyes widened with shock. I decided that was something stupid, so I took my hand from him and hit his shoulders. "What the hell?" I demanded.
"Ow! What the hell?!"
"Sam, I love you. I really, really love you. But what the hell has gotten into you? You know that doesn't work out for people like us. Sam, we can't."
"Why the hell not?"
"I can give you three reasons right now, Sam." I pressed my fingers to my temples, stressed out. "Oh, God."
"Why, then?"
I stood, beginning to pace. "Well, first of all, we endanger our lives every day. One day, one or both of us might not come back-"
"Well, that's pessimistic. But it doesn't have to be like that. We could stop, settle down."
"No, we can't." I looked at him like he was crazy. "Sure, this life sucks, but a normal life would be worse. Trust me. Neither of us would like that. We'd be bored to death. And we can't just leave Dean."
"He can come."
"He would hate that, Sam."
"Fine. Why can't we just continue like this?"
"Because it's dangerous, Sam. And that brings me to my second point. We have people and places to protect. We can't leave that. And we can't be focused on each other."
"I'm already focused on you."
"Which is putting your life in danger! It's too damn bad for you, because you're just gonna have to suck it up and accept that I'm a big girl who can take care of herself."
"I know you are, Lexie." He sighed. "What's your third point?"
"We don't have time to do any of the stuff married people are supposed to do."
"Such as?"
"Fuck and raise children."
"You don't want sex, I know. And you don't want kids?"
"Hell no! Not to raise them like soldiers."
"Then we can stop this! I don't want that either, trust me."
"We already established that we can't do that."
"But we can! You could have friends, family, a normal life. Don't you want that?"
"Not particularly. I'm not good at friendships; my family hates me; and a normal life would be unbearably boring. I have all I need. And as for your family, you have your brother, and he sure as hell isn't going to stop this. Who's gonna save his ass if not us?"
"He's a big boy who can take care of himself." He threw my words back at me.
"Sam, he can't. He doesn't give a shit about himself. He doesn't care whether he lives or dies."
He blinked. "What?"
"You haven't noticed?"
"No." He said quietly.
"I think I have to... Uh, look at something. I'll go when Dean gets back."
"Wait, we need to talk about you."
"He's your brother. He comes first."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, are you?"
"You're crying."
"I am?" I touched my face, and I was.
"Did I upset you?"
"No, no." I wiped away my tears. Why the hell am I crying? "But I'm sorry, Sam
I really am. I'm just being a realist. I really do love you." I probably should have said yes. Too late. I really should have said yes.
"I love you too."
I stepped forward and hugged him. "I'm really sorry."
"It's okay. You're logical."
"Still. Maybe someday." I looked up at him.
"Someday." He agreed.
"Thank you for putting up with all my bullshit."
He laughed. "Somebody has to."
I laughed and kissed him.
Eyes wide, he looked at me like I was crazy, and demanded to know if I was okay.
"Yeah, why?" I replied, like he was crazy.
"I'm not hurting or anything. Unless you just feel really bad about saying no."
"Can I not just show my affection in a normal way?"
"You? No. You show affection by talking. You don't touch." He said, then paused. "Hang on." He turned away, walking over to his bag. I followed him, curious. Then he turned around and doused me with holy water.
I glared. He winced. I spit the water that had gotten in my mouth in his face. "Now," I said, justifiably angry, "I shall continue to show my affection with words: You're an asshole."
"I deserved that one." He said, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Sorry. Just taking precautions."
"Want a hug?"
"Not particularly."
"But don't you love me?"
"Yes, but not wet hugs."
"But I want a hug."
"Air hug."
"Sammyyyyyy."
He continued backing away. I lunged toward him, but he dodged me. It continued like that for about five minutes before I realized I just had to outsmart him. "Yeah, okay. I'm done." I consented. "Can you get me some water?"
"Sure," he shrugged, going into the kitchen.
While he was digging in the fridge for a nonexistent bottle of water, I grabbed the spray thing from the sink and aimed it at him. When he turned around with a water bottle which I didn't know we actually had, I sprayed him in the face.
He shut his eyes and formed his mouth into a straight line, the water bottle still in his hands. "I guess you didn't want water then." He said when I stopped.
"Not really, I already got a mouthful. But since you went through all the trouble, I'll take it. You're a dear."
And you know what?
I actually had fun.

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Hey, guys. Sorry this took so long. I've just been really busy with school and all. High school sucks ass. 😊🔫
But yeah. It'll all get done eventually.
Love y'all 💞
~ Charlie George