Intertwined

Part 47: Worth It

When they walked back into Lukas' room and found his rather upset sitting on the bed with a wrap around his leg and the saddest look on his face, Helen could hardly breathe.

"Mum, I'm so..."

"No." She stops him as she walks over and he begins to get even more upset. "You were going to apologize, yeh?"

"I am..."

"No- because I need to apologize to you." She comes closer and the poor kid looks so confused as she sits facing him on the edge of the bed and gently takes his hands in hers. Max stays near the door and stares at his feet sadly. "I never realized all the harm I've caused you...b...by staying as long as I had with Akash. You and your brother had never deserved to...to witness any of that. It was bollocks. And I...I never made any of this easier for either of you. Always keeping a thumb on you both and...and never really allowing either of you to...to just..."

She stops and tries to calm herself and the pain she feels inside her.

"It's my fault, Lu. And I'll never be able to apologize enough or change any of it for you." She begins to cry and Lukas tugs her forward and hugs her tightly.

"You're not a bad Mum. You do...you do so much for us and...and you try your hardest—put us before you always. You're the best..." He cries and she just shakes her head.

"I'm really not though. I'm quite rubbish actually." Her words make Lukas and Max's heart ache terribly as she says them because they know she means them wholly. "I'm just so sorry it had to come to all this for me to realize that. I'm so sorry Lion. I truly am."

Their sobs fill the silence as they hold each other for quite some time. When Lukas let's go, they wipe their eyes and she sadly smiles at him.

"I'm really sorry, Baby Boy."

"I don't want you to be sorry Mum. I don't blame you for anything."

She doesn't tell him she wishes he did blame her or even refute his naivety. She simply embraces his cheek, kisses his forehead and stands up as a nurse walks in.

"Visitation is every other day between 4-5 pm. You may bring snacks if you would like and after a day or two of settling in you can bring him in some sweat pants, shirts, and a single zip no string sweatshirt or crew neck." The lady explains and gestures for Helen and Max to follow her out. Both give Lukas a final hug and kiss goodbye before they leave.

Holding Helen close to his side the entire way out of the hospital, he feels horrible. He knows she's taking all of this very hard and blaming herself- which she really shouldn't, but he knows it's inevitable. Looking at his phone, it's already 3:17- by the the time they would get back to school- the kids and Lauren would have already left- so he hails a cab for them to head home themselves.

In the cab, Helen can't help but keep her space from Max.

She doesn't know why.

It doesn't bring her any comfort or relief.

It doesn't save her from what occurred.

And it doesn't spare him from anything either.

Yet she remains across the cab, right up against the door, staring at the city, and silently holding her shit together.

The ride is miserable for both- but if Max has learned anything from the short time of being with Helen Sharpe- it's that if she wants space, give it to her without question.