A fate worse than death~~A Finnick Odair story~~

28. Telling him

"Lizzy?"
"Lizzy what are you doing here, shouldn't you still be working at the bakery?"
His words were incomprehensible, useless really. All I could focus on were his sea green beautiful eyes. I mean the whole guy was handsome, handsome indeed, but his eyes. So I formed no other thoughts. No words either. Instead, I took a step closer to him, leaning forward ever so slightly and pressed my lips against his.

But before I could do anything more, he pulled away.

I braced myself for what was to come. The eyes narrowed in anticipation of a scolding, a no. But it didn't come. "Elizabeth?"
"Yes?"
I hadn't dared to open my eyes yet, terrified that as soon as I did, everything would be destroyed. "Elizabeth open your eyes."
"No!"
"Why?"
I bit my lower lip, dare I say it.
"Only if you don't reject me right away!"
Even I could hear the fear in my voice, but I wasn't expecting of the calm in his.
"Elizabeth open your eyes."
So slowly I did.

He smiled at me, it was a small smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"Why don't you come in with me?"
I nodded in response, but remained on the stairs. I really wanted to go with him, but it was as if I were frozen solid, as if someone had nailed my feet to the stone below.

But Finnick just grabbed my wrist lightly and led me a few steps into the hall, then he closed the door behind me and then, without warning,
his lips were on mine again.

But this time no one pulled away, on the contrary, both leaned into each other. It was unlike any kiss I had ever experienced, and I loved it. But like all good things, the kiss also had to come to an end and when we backed away from each other we just stood there, both unwilling to say a word, both unwilling to ruin what might have just happened.

Finnick spoke first.
"Was that on purpose?"
He gave me the opportunity to deny what had just happened, the opportunity to acte as if nothing happend and return to normal, the opportunity to be a coward.
I didn't take it.

"It was for me."
I just hoped I sounded as confident as I thought.
But now it was his turn, if he wanted to repent now he had the chance.
"Do you love me?"
He caught me off guard, I honestly didn't know how to respond to that, did I? Or I did, I had long loved him, loved him as one loves a sibling, or so I thought, because this was something more, wasn't it?
But was it love?

"I know I like you..."
"But you don't love me?"
"I, I don't know."
I saw a light in his eyes go out when I said that and he took a few steps back from me.
"But can you honestly say you love me?!"
"Yes."
He was so sure, I was almost shocked how sure he was. As if everything in the world was wrong and this was right, as if it was clear as day, God why couldn't I feel that way!

"How do you know."
"I, I just do."
"That was a crappy explanation Finnick."
"Well what do you want me to say!! That I loved you since the day you came out of that arena, that I was beside myself when I saw you being wheeled away on a stretcher after your game!! That I wanted to bash Haymitch's skull in every time he offered you a drink, that I blame myself for not being able to protect you!! Say the word and I can write a list, but I don't want to force you to feel anything Elizabeth!! The decision is yours."

The spark in his eyes had turned into a living fire, ohh only those eyes had captured me, but what did I feel for this beautiful boy in front of me?!
"I know I like you."
"But you don't love me!"
"I don't know!!"
Tears had started to form in my eyes, god why couldn't I just know how I felt, why did it have to be so difficult now, it had felt so obvious at the bakery.
"I know I like you!"
The tears had now started rolling down my cheeks and my voice had started to crack.
"And I'd like to love you, but Finnick I don't know you!!"

"Of course you do?! We've known each other for four years!!"
"No, we'v seen each other for four years!!"
"Well we--"
"For crying out loud Finnick I don't even know your favorite color!! I. Don't. Know. You."
But I want to.
I want to know you.
I want to be with you.
I want to love you.

And just like that, a little voice in my head had made it ever so clear.

I love him, not like he does me, but god I want to, I want to know everything about him, be the only one for him, I want to be his love. But when I met his now wounded gaze, it was like something inside me snapped.

"Finnick I didn't mean--"
"It's pink, a very light pink. Pink like this."
He said as he pulled something out from under his shirt. A necklace, with a small pink shell attached to the end. "It was my mother's, she gave it to me before my game for luck and the color reminds me of her."

Unconsciously I touched the ring hanging around my own neck, my own symbol of luck, the ring given to me by my mother. Which hung on a necklace from him.

"Mine is blue, blue like--."
"Blue like the sea, it reminds you of home, I know. Annie said so, the whole capital knows."
I had forgotten.

"Finnick, I don't love you."
"And it's okay--."
"Let me speak. I don't love you, not the way you love me, not yet. But I want to love you, but first I want to get to know you. Do you think we can start there?"
And with a nod, we hade desided.
A nod was all that was required.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"
I was a little taken aback by his sudden question, but I answered without thinking.
"Ohh, nothing special, Ian's going to sleep over but he isn't coming before night and then I'm gona work but otherwise--."
"Good, I'll pick you up when you finish."
"Wait what?"

He had started gently puching me away towards the door, and now  I was standing on the stairs again.
"I'll pick you up after you finish." "Why?"
"For our date of course, and don't worry I'll have you home before Ian arrives."
"But--."
He had already closed the door in my face, surely to avoid a no.
So I guess I have a date tomorrow.
A date.

Hi there book,
so some news, you already know I've started talking to Melinda again, but tomorrow Ian will sleepover, I finally managed to persuade mom, and his room is decorated and just waiting for him, ass am I!!

Ps,
apparently I have a date tomorrow, you can never guess who......Uhh I tell you, it's the handsome, famous Finnick Odair, Yours truly ;)
Who would have guessed.
Me and him, not me, not me in a milion years.