A fate worse than death~~A Finnick Odair story~~

56. Wish for your death

Oddly enough, we weren't allowed to meet any other victors after the interviews were over. Instead we were escorted directly to our floors, and I found myself feeling grateful, because coincidentally, no meetings with the other victors meant no meetings with anyone, aka no meetings with Cory, and after what happened between him and Finnick, I thought it was such a shame.
Not.

We didn't do much after that, which in itself didn't do much since I just wanted to go to bed after the interview. So that's exactly what I did, but do you think I got that much sleep? Of course not!! Now, I'd thought I'd gotten used to the night before the games now, I mean, I've always slept restlessly that very night, agony and a guilty conscience tormenting me, but this night, this fucking night!!

I honestly don't think I've slept that badly since I had my own game, which really just goes to show that going through the games as a player or going through them as a mentor are two wildly different things!!

So, to no one's surprise, I was a wreck the next day, so when we all ate our breakfast in silence, and the question of who would accompany us to
"the room" came up, no one was exactly surprised when I said that I preferred spending the time before the games self. I think maybe everyone understood that I was sick and tired of breaking down, and if someone followed me, well then it was done.
So maybe this was their last heartfelt gesture for me, maybe no one thought about it as much as I did, but either way I appreciated it.

~~~

The peacekeepers escorting me literally couldn't care less about my pending fate. Now, I know they rarely showed emotion, kinda hard with that helmet, but god would it have been kill them to just shake my hand or even give me a head nod?? Apparently!!

I don't know why it bothered me so much, I mean why did I care so much that they didn't, was it because I wanted my last encounter whit someone who didn't try to kill me to mean something? No, that couldn't be it, I myself had asked the only ones who still cared about me not to come.

But still, my heart fluttered when I saw that the door whose sole purpose was to keep me trapped here began to open!! Immediately my thoughts were on Finnick, but that was just ridiculous, he was going into the games himself and was probably sitting right now in a room identical to mine, so who could it be, maybe Silvers, Annie or Mags!!

The little hope that had begun to build within me died as soon as I saw who it was, Cory.

"Hello Honey."
I just wanted to puke, I was sooooo over his Honey acting that it made me sick, but the blue crescent peeking through his makeup brought a smile to my lips.
"I see Finnick got you pretty good." Just states the obvious.
"Hahah, yeah I guess so, but soon he won't be a problem anymore."

I shiverd at the thought, what could happen to him in there, could happen to us, but I didn't let his words get the best of me.
"Well, I guess that goes for both of us." Cory looked down at the ground, but I saw the smile on his face as he began to shake his head, was he happy that I was going to die?
"Ohh no no no Honey, you won't die, but I will need that ring back though." I was confused, if he wasn't going to allow my death, what would he use the ring for?? But then it hit me, this was just one of his sick games, he wanted to make me believe he would "protect" me just to see my face when I died!! Fuck him!!

"Gladly, but why?"
The ring was in my outstretched hand in a second, the question only asked because, well, it wasn't like I had anything to lose, but his answer made all the confidence leave my body.
"So I can place it on your finger when you get back of course!!"
"What?"
How could he still want to marry me, after everything I said, after everything he did?! How!!
But he didn't answer my question, instead he asked his own.

"Elizabeth, be honest."
He paused to look as if I was listening. "What?"
I don't know if I repeated my question or tried to answer his.
"Did you ever love me?"
The question caught me a little off guard, which was perhaps why I didn't think before I answered.
"No."
"Never?"
I got the chance to think a little and took it.
"I don't suppose so, there were times, but never the way you wanted me to love you......Never the way you loved me?"
The last one was more of a question, because to be honest, I didn't know if he ever loved me, not really, but he remained silent. I tried to read his face for something, anything, but there was nothing, but then, suddenly, he reached for something in his back pocket.

"You know, I gathered almost as much from this."
He placed something in my lap, a small book and it was as if everything around me just stopped. I recognized this little book, had it for years, it was my diary. The endless things he had been able to find in there made Me feel bad. Everything I wrote, my most private thoughts, nothing that would ever reach him, it was all there.

"Cory I…Did you read it?"
It was a stupid question, he had just admitted to reading it, but that was all I could muster.
"I did."
"You did…"
I waited for all hell to break loose, closed my eyes waiting for the blows to come, but nothing happened.

"Do you love him, Finnick I mean…"
I wasn't sure if he wanted to know the truth, but if he had already read my diary, he knew.
"I do."
"And you never loved me?"
It was as if he was practically begging me for another answer, but anything else would be a lie, and now, now, it was as if it would be my only chance to speak my mind.
"No."
He stood up, I hadn't even noticed we sat down, then the first blow came, followed by four more, but they weren't that hard, not as hard as I knew they could be.
Then he steped back, leaving my lying on the floor, too scared to get up, almost certain that he couldn't possibly be done already.

"I've learned a thing or two from my grandfather Elizabeth, did you know that?"
I shook my head, unsure of where he was going.
"And just so you know Honey, I have changed my mind, I do hope you die in that arena next to your goddamn lover, because even if you can't find it in you to love me, I'll have you, I won't stop until my ring rests on your finger and I will make your life a living hell if you come back, I will make you wish you died in the arena!!
Do you understand me Elizabeth Odair-Whitmore!!!"
He turned red with anger and almost spat out my name and all I could do was listen, listen and nod.

So he went. He had robbed me of the one last moment of solitude I asked for, and all I could do was step onto the platform, silently sending a prayer to any god who listened that I should die in that arena, for I was tired of this life.

Who wold have gesst, Finnick had indeed been right when I came back from my game. There were worse things than death, after all, life as victor was far far worse than death.

A/N
Do you want to know something, well, even if you don't want to, I'm going to tell you.

This is indeed, technically the last chapter of
A fate worse than death~~A Finnick Odair story~~.

Now don't worry, I have a few more to drop, I could never leave you on a cliffhanger!!

But this was the last chapter I wrote and god it probably took me over two weeks!! I just didn't want to write, maybe it's my subconscious that really doesn't want this story to end, but it's really a funny thing, all the best stories tend to do that, and so must this one.

Okay kiss kiss goodbye, see you in the next chapter, because there were a few left, right?! <3