A fate worse than death~~A Finnick Odair story~~

53. Conversation

The next few days were just training, although most people didn't train. Yes, of course there were some who took the opportunity to train up their old abilities, but most of them only indulged in the few hobbies they could pursue in the training room. Peeta Mellark, along with a few others worked on their camouflage, but it was more colorful flowers than camouflage. Johanna had swung a few axes, then she had decided that was enough and decided to sit still on the floor for the rest of the day. Katniss Everdeen had shot some arrows, then tried to make a fire and now she was sitting with Finnick making knots, Finnick liked to make knots, so I wasn't surprised when he made flats for her and started showing different knots, but whit the one he did next I hade to bite down on my lip to keep from bursting out laughing.

He had made himself a hanging knot which he now gladly demonstrated to Katniss, happier than ever, or well, happier than I've seen him in a long time. I had to look away before I bit a hole in my lip, burst out laughing despite my best efforts.
Instead, my focus shifted to the hook making station I was currently at.

Now, did I need to practice that?
Of course not. Mags had taught me this several weeks ago, I could make a fishing hook out of almost anything, I mean if I wanted to I could train up one of my old abilities, one I learned post games, but I really didn't want to. Like so many others, I was just tired of everything and just wanted to do something, at least have some sort of fun, before facing my future death. That's why, I was completely unprepared, when Katniss Everdeen came up to me and asked a question. A question I didn't hear.

"Hmm? What?"
She looked a little bothered by having to repeat her question.
"Could you show me?"
"Hmm? What,  hmm?"
"The fishhooks you're doing, without looking at them!!! Elizabeth your finger!!"
"Hmm and god fuck!!"
I had run the hook through my finger, blood had started to form around the hook and I just felt like sighing, so I did. I was so tired of all this, I couldn't care anymore. I just pulled out the hook stuck in my finger and turned to face Katniss.
"So which one do you want to learn?" "Whha, you just had one in your finger, doesn't it hurt?!"
"Uhh we've both survived worse fireballs!!"
She gave me a sour look when I mentioned the name, but I couldn't help myself.
"I want to try that one."
She pointed to a light hook I made before she came over.
"Could you show me?"
"Sure, good choice."
And so we began.

We did a few more before Katniss decided to move on with someone else, I stayed a little longer before deciding to follow Johanna's approach, just sitting on the floor waiting for the training session to end.

~~~

We had spent the past few days trying to decide what talent we wanted to showcase, neither me nor Finnick were sure, and grace thought about not taking it the slightest bit seriously and seeing who could instead get the lowest score before one last fuck you to the capital. Strange npg, neither vernis nor Mags thought it was a particularly good idea, but we both had a few more days to make a decision.

However, my thoughts were not on what decision to make, but on Annie. Admittedly, she had been to the capital a few times after her game, almost exclusively during game time, but now she was unusually absent. I wondered if something could be wrong, but it was a stupid thought, of course everything was wrong, here we were, her friends were going into the games, the games she already hated beforehand, so that very thought was quickly discarded, but what otherwise would it be?

When we finished the fashion day and we started walking away from the dining table I decided, I need to talk to Annie, but before I followed her into her room Finnick's hand was on my shoulder.
"I need to talk to you."
"Yes, of course, but I'm too busy right now."
"Lizzy please.."
My focus wasn't on him, and I think he noticed, but I became even less focused when I heard Annie's die slide back behind her.

"Finnick, I'm sorry, but I really don't have time for this!"
"Elizabeth, it's important, I, I'm worried about you."
"About me?....Why?"
"You've been so distant, ever since the train ride, I just, is it something I've done?"
"No!"
A sudden thread of pain shot through me as I remembered that train ride, but I didn't have time to think about it now, didn't want to think about it, I had to find out who was with Annie, my own feelings weren't that important right now. After everything she hade done for me, I just hade to make shore she was allright.
My own fealings I could shut out for just a litle while longer, focusing on Annie would give me something to occupy my mind.

Because after all, I couldn't break down now, break down during a training session, or just in the capital could guarantee my death evan more, and we couldn't let them happen now could we.
"No?"
Finnicks word and face brott me back.
"No Finnick it's not you, I, I."
Can't say thos words hear, so I mined them instead.
I love you
"Meet me in my room tonight okay, I just have to do something first." "Annie?"

How would he have wanted, had he also noticed something? But I didn't have time to think about it now, would just have to remember to ask him later. So instead of giving him an answer I just nodded, and when he released the light grip he had on my shoulder I went to knock on her door.

She opened, almost at once. If you didn't know her, you might have thought that everything was as usual, but I had experienced grief myself, and I knew Annie intimately, so I could see that her eyes were swollen and the sleeves of her shirt had wet spots that showed that she had cried. "May I come in?"
She just nodded and stepped to the side. When the door was closed I threw my arms around her.

"If it's something I've done, I'm sorry, I would never want to hurt you and I take it seriously!"
"Something you've done?"
At my words, she managed to detach herself from my grip.
"Something you've done!! Elizabeth you've saved my life several times and now, now you're going into the games for me, if anyone should apologize it's me!!"
"No, no Annie it wasn't your fault--!!" "Of course it was, if only I had been a little stronger, trained a little more, then you wouldn't have had to feel forced to volunteer on my behalf!!" "Annie no!!"
"Well, it's my fault I--!!"
She couldn't finish the sentence, tears rolled down her cheeks and suddenly everything just became clear, Annie blamed herself, she blamed herself for my decision!

"Annie look at me."
She didn't.
"Look at me!"
Her tear filled eyes met mine. "Promise me you won't blame yourself for my decision, don't take that decision away from me, promise?!"
She nodded slowly, but then looked away. But then it came, almost like a whisper.
"I promise."
That was all I needed and once again I stood with my arms around her, she was crying over my shoulder.

I stayed with her until she asked me to leave, it was late, very late, and I considered knocking on Finnick's door, but finally decided not to. He needed his sleep as much as the rest of us. So instead I silently shuffled over to my door and stepped into the room, only to find a passed out Finnick lying across my bed.
Once again I decided not to wake him, whitout a sound I crawled into bed, laying next to his safe warm body. We'd have to save the conversation for tomorrow. What a pitty.